A DEEP WOUND

Consequences

 

The calm is quite delicious for today. Just by closing your eyes even though your heart is still floating to and fro. Everything is enough. Without people interrupting or not.

Today as a woman. I tried wearing a face whitening mask that Febi had taught me how to do. In fact, I did not know the name of how to wear a mask or make up. She said wearing make up was necessary for women. Not forever I it should be plain. And I'm still accepting the input of my co-worker's friend. Febi.

 

Ever since I became friends with Febi I started to be taught what became a woman's hobby. That's Febi said. I wasn't.

**Emang must be, yes, a woman can be mascar, stretch, make up, shopping. It doesn't have to. However, in fact he can take me to a sunny road. She said Febi was like that again. Why is the road bright? Because my face that I used to be now can be bright gegara already can use make up and can be mascerine or stretch. My face is not really broken. Even though the face of a pinch like this, Ustaz Aris never tingle with this self. Huh ...!! it was. It's just the past.

It's just that I don't follow Febi's bad habit of buying these. Because it's not a hobby. Febi alone misrepresented. Not every woman likes what she taught me. In fact, this self does not like to go out and go shopping**.

 

I'd rather stay quiet at the boarding house. I read books I like sometimes. Whether it is a novel or not the point is liked.

 

Tok .. tok .

"Assalamu'alaikum."

What I had closed my eyes now had to open my eyes with a shocked expression. I saw the clock on the phone showing ten o'clock. Still morning. On holidays like this, who else will come to the boarding house. Is it possible Febi??

That's the child's basis. He could never calm me down for a moment. Almost every day he always stopped by the cost.

"Wa'alaikumsalam," I replied as I opened the door. And the one in front of me isn't Febi. The Ustazah Nisa.

 

I forget. In addition to Febi, Ustazah Nisa also often here. Since meeting on the beach a few months ago. He calls and plays at the boarding house often.

Especially since the decision did not want to continue school. He even more often persuaded me to return to the cottage.

 

One year is unemployed, but jobless. Not just staying at home. Mom finally agreed to my wish not to keep thinking about college. Even though he seems forced to accept my decision.

"Ages. Who is the same Ustazah here?" let me tidy up the hijab I was wearing.

"Manda. Why, is that your face?"

Because opening the door for Ustazah Nisa until forgetting if the mascerine on the face is still there. Kinda shy. And I tried to put on a smile and be as friendly as possible to Ustazah Nisa.

"Stazah go in first or .. sit outside" I said with eight.

"Outside. Cook inside, usually outside, Manda."

"Oh, yes. If you'll excuse me, yes, Zah. Wipe your face."

"Yes." Yeah."

 

I'll go to the bathroom immediately. It felt ashamed of such misbehavior in front of Ustazah Nisa. After cleaning my face, I went to the mirror in the bathroom.

 

The face I'm looking at right now. It's so plain to me. Very pede. In fact, I forgot about all the mistakes that Ustazah Nisa and Ustaz Aris have made. Soon I forgot all about what they were doing.

 

In my mind. Maybe it's time to forget about my bad events. Don't hate Ustaz Aris and his family.

 

"Where are we going, Zah?" I was still confused in front of Ustazah Nisa.

Don't know why? I did it when I was invited out.

"Udah. Let's go to the car first. We're streets. Okay." Okay." My hand was pulled by Zah Nisa without me refusing.

 

Just realized after getting in the car. The driver of the car is Ustaz Aris. It definitely surprised me by seeing it. Try not to show awkward and nervous feelings. I try to stay calm sitting in the back.

Zah Nisa is sitting next to her husband, Ustaz Aris. It still hurts to see.

 

"Ana think anti will not be invited with Zah Nisa to come out?" asked Ustaz Aris still focused on accompanying his car to ask me.

 

I feel lazy to answer questions from him. Inevitably my mouth that was once close must be forced to open to answer it. "Mmc ... Yes, Ustaz."

 

"By. You want to go back to the boarding school."

"For what?" I asked surprisingly. Why the hell is this mouth sometimes can not be loud words first. Filtering is like bolong.

"Lohs. How about for what? yes to continue your school again," Ustazah Nisa told me as she sat behind her.

"Ohhh .. If I need to tell Mom first, Zah."

 

Which is my question. What exactly is the purpose of them continue to persuade to return to the cottage. I feel like I want to avoid them. I don't know why God always finds us.

 

"Manda. Previously Ana had been to the anti house to apologize Abi and Umi. Anti 'can you say sorry, there is no anti-intent to go back to the cottage?"

"Nothing is."

Heh. Basic sloppy. You imbecile. What's actually going on? why does this mouth answer ceplos. If the mouth is like this. Dirty words may come out too. There might be a genie in my mouth. So do not think to answer the question Ustaz Aris.

"Oouuuhhh .. ana kira before asking permission to Mother anti there is an intention to go back there."

I'm silent. Istigfar tried many times. Afraid of answering directly later.

"So you're still working on the plan?" ask Ustazah Nisa.

"Yes. Eeeehhh na'am, Zah."

 

Oh Allah .. I want to go back to the cost. Feeling nervous long\-long asked this it's the same two people who are in front of me.

 

I felt like I was being interrogated for a long time. In fact, Ustazah Nisa asked me if I was thinking of getting married or not. What the hell do they mean?

Did Ustazah Nisa deliberately ask like that. Just to hurt my feelings again. If only Ustazah Nisa had not been the wife of the man driving the car we were riding in. Then I will pray that I will be able to match Ustaz Aris.

But everything is impossible. Everything's gone. There will be no more dreams of being the wife of Ustaz Aris. I've been blinded too much by love. Forgetting everything.

My ideals are even extinct because of my selfishness. Just disappointed in what I gave to the people closest to me all this time.