A DEEP WOUND

Singing Threesome

 

I was still in my room and reluctant to go out. I don't know how long I'm gonna hold on to my doubts since I set foot in this cabin again.

 

This is not my will, it's just that God has set foot to stand here. I feel trapped by being invited here. Without having to ask clearly first.

 

Really, I want to go home. But, if you follow my ego, Febi will be confused to see my attitude that suddenly wants to return to the boarding house.

Maybe, all day I will stay in the room without wanting to go out. Actually, how much I wanted to see the atmosphere of the cottage. It seems like a lot more not seeing the situation here seems to have changed a lot.

If it came out, everyone would be shocked to see me. Is it likely to be a commotion again like it used to be?

 

Or perhaps, all would be dumbfounded and unwilling to see my arrival. All would be surprised if Imanda Ramdhani appeared suddenly.

 

I snorted rudely. From the morning Febi came out and left me. Until now, fear has haunted me. Thankfully, the bathroom was inside. So, don't go out for a shower.

Cklek.

 

I was shocked when someone opened the door. I thought someone else was coming in. Apparently, Febi.

 

"Have you taken a bath, Da?" Febi asked as she approached me sitting by the bed.

"Yes." Yeah."

"We're out, yuk. Out to eat," said Febi to wake up.

"Eat?" again, I heard Febi's invitation.

"Yes." Yeah." Febi looked at me with narrowed eyes. "Don't tell me you don't want to eat. You did not eat malem! I'll see when you're here, Manda!"

"Hm. How about we just eat it here," I suggested to my coworker. I wish I did.

 

Febi approached me again. He snorted violently looking at me. This is the first time I've seen him look at me like that.

 

"The baby is waiting outside. Cook, we eat here. How are you, Manda."

"Hm. I-I don't feel well, Feb." This time I had to lie with a trap like this.

 

If it came out, Erin's ustazah would definitely be shocked. He must have asked me this. And Febi will know about my past. It can't be if it doesn't work. Febi knew me all along. It's just that I'm too closed to him.

"OKAY. You wait here first. I'll get food."

 

Alhamdulillahot. Febi wants to eat in the room. At least I feel a little relieved for a while.

 

Ten minutes later, Febi came with food. I was smiling looking at my friend.

"This. Now go eat," asked Febi to put two rice dishes for us to eat. Before I eat, I go to the bathroom.

Just entering the bathroom, there was the sound of someone talking to Febi. I know that voice very well. A familiar voice was heard by me. Two female figures, namely the voice of Zah Erin and zah Nisa.

 

My feelings are getting bad. Fortunately, they left quickly. After no more sounds I heard. I slowly opened the bathroom door.

 

"Manda. Here first," suddenly Febi pulled my hand.

"I think .. I've seen the same person my aunt once was, deh."

 

Febi seemed to want to remember something. What might be meant is Nisa's ustazah. I just remembered he had seen Nisa's ustazah when we were at the beach the other day.

 

I remained silent and refused to answer Febi's words. If I answer, he will ask at length later.

"That's a lot, Manda. The man who has ever killed you. Keep that guy from going to your shop, too."

Uhuk ... uhuk ...

"Ouch. You slowly dong eat it. Don't rush that" said Febi and gave me water. He didn't know what, I choked because he called men. The man that Febi refers to is Ustaz Aris.

"You're eating, Feb. From now on continue talking," I said while continuing to eat.

"That's Manda. Cook you don't want the men you've ever had on the beach. He was his wife at the time, and his wife was the same person my aunt had been."

 

Febi tried to explain it to me. I know what he meant. It's just, I pretended I didn't know what he meant.

 

"Maybe you saw it wrong, Feb. Maybe they look just like me" I told Febi. Hopefully he is not confused himself with the person he sees. While I, I don't know when I'll hide like this.

******

 

Tonight is bright. The wind was blowing slowly. This self emboldened to get out. After a long day of silence in the room.

 

 

 

Because there are activities in the hall of the cottage. Then all the santri and ustazah gathered there. So, I took the time to go out to see the boarding school that was once a place for me to explore science first.

I closed my eyes when I was in front of the santriwati cottage. Breathe the air slowly. The atmosphere tonight was quiet, so there was nothing I needed to fear. 

 

"Manda!" I heard a voice calling my name. Without a second thought, I looked back.

Febi. He walked over to me. Instantly the comfort I was doing was dissolved by him.

"What are you doing here?" ask my friend.

"You see the atmosphere of the cottage. Have not seen the atmosphere of the cottage here for a long time," I said with a smile looking around the cottage even though I saw it at night. Though, in my little heart how eager to see the atmosphere of the cottage in the morning.

"Long time? Mean you?" febi asked confusedly.

 

Gosh darn. I said something that confused Febi. I was not aware of the words I was saying.

 

"Hm. No one," I said, switching the conversation. "Oh, yes. What are you gonna do about me?"

"You take you to the hall."

"To the hall? Why go to the hall?" I started to get nervous.

"There all the inhabitants of the cottage gather. Eat there too. Auntie also told me to take you," said Febi holding my wrist. "Tomorrow at night he said there was an event. Who knows, you could be at tomorrow night."

"Eh. You're trying to hold my hand" I said, pulling my hand. Looks like Febi's gonna force me there for me. This is all he has held my hand.

"Nrank ..."

I'm still shaking, and I don't want to go to the hall. My head cannot think clearly. I don't know what reason I should wear to avoid Febi's invitation.

 

I'm really scared, I don't know what scares me. The events that used to be always imagined since this foot rests on the ground of the boarding school ar\-rahman.

What would they say if they knew I was here. Do I have to go. Would they be shocked and throw me out if they saw me? Are they going to insult me like they used to?

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