A DEEP WOUND

Goddamn shithead

"Rideo, Feb. Invite his friend, this is Bibik get a plate first," said Erin ustazah take rice for both of us.

 

 

I was still silent while wearing a mask. It feels heavy to remove the mask. In a moment, Febi will definitely reprimand me.

 

"Eh. What mask is removed. We want to eat, Manda ...!" bener. Febi told me to open the mask.

 

I just kept quiet and didn't want to open the mask. Why the hell would this cottage have to have a meal together like this. Keep everyone sitting, can't. Just use a buffet, it will be more comfortable people take it. Than a gini kayak, but it is also impossible for them to eat using a spoon. The sunnah of the apostle, yes. Better to use your hands than a spoon!

While I was still shaking, I saw that man again. My heart suddenly thumped back. Yes, when these eyes see his figure. Then this heart trembled unusually. It's just that, these eyes see that he must go hand in hand with another female figure.

 

Ustaz Aris and ustazah Nisa.

And I saw a new santri. And the younger brother who used to insinuate me also sat with us. They don't recognize me at all. Honestly, my heart immediately felt the pain repeated again. Some of those who used to insult me should see me again.

Deg.

My eyes turned again towards Mudir. After his son Ustaz Aris came. Now it is Mudir's turn to come, his face is still the same. Actually, he's a good guy.

 

However, I understood his anger at that time. His son made a mistake and I also made a mistake liking my own ustaz. Heh. Why remember memories first.

 

"Manda!" admonish Febi who is near me. "You don't eat? Do I need your mask I pull."

"I'm eating too bad" I replied still focused on seeing Mudir and ustaz Aris with his wife.

"Oh Allah, Manda. There are many people here, Da. Bibik is also good with us, don't tell me you want to take another meal in the room."

"I went back to my room" I said and got up from my seat. However, Febi quickly pulled my hand to sit back.

"Sit down!" Febi pressed my hand. So I'll sit back. "I haven't noticed your attitude since we got here."

With a heavy heart, I sat back down. I want to go back to the boarding house. Can't stand to stay here. My heart feels tormented to be here.

"Manda. You ... You see that guy over there, don't you?" Febi asked and her gaze was directed towards ustaz Aris. "That's like .. the person who asked you to go to the store. He's a waste ..."

"You just keep eating, Feb. Don't worry about others." I'm trying to shift the conversation.

"yeh. You haven't eaten yet. When to wear a mask. I think your face why that mask does not want to be removed from earlier. Though, want to eat," Febi replied with his sewot.

"good. I'll open, you calm down" I said, saying bismillah in my heart, hopefully nothing happens when I open my mask.

 

I closed my eyes for a moment while removing the mask in a down state.

 

"Manda!" I heard someone say my name. He's Erin's ustazah, "you're Manda' right?"

 

My heart felt sad when the aunt of my coworker greeted me. He approached me, and this time some of the underclassmen who recognized me all looked at me.

 

"Oh my God, son. You how are you?" asked Zah Erin stroking my arm. "Why didn't Umi know you were Febi's friend?"

"Huh. What does this mean, anyway?" It was obvious that Febi was so confused by her aunt who suddenly greeted and hugged me.

"Thank God, good Manda, Zah." Suddenly tears rolled down my cheeks. "What's up?"

"Alhamdulillah, fine, son. Let's keep eating it, we'll finish eating, yeah, kid."

 

I nodded slowly assuring my ustazah. With nervousness and uncomfortable feeling some people have seen my presence in the cottage.

 

"Ukhti Manda ..."

"Yes. Not wrong anymore. That's really ukhti Manda. Why is he here?"

"Ukhti Manda here. Why is he suddenly here?"

"Manda. Ayok, at the first meal," said Erin's ustazah telling me to finish my nose.

"Big. Just hang on." Febi prevented Erin's hand when she was about to leave. "Why do you know each other? Know where, Bik?"

 

I know, there's gonna be a lot of questions popping up in Febi's head. At least, from now on I have to be ready with all the questions later.

 

"Bibik's parents do not know the santriwati, Bibik," said Erin's ustazah again answered her nephew. Really, Febi's face was getting confused and it looked like she was eager to ask this. You queen kepo!

"Santriwati?" Febi repeated the words of Erin's ustazah.

"It has. You eat first, and then you finish eating. Can't talk if you eat."

 

Ustazah Erin then left us. He mingled again with other ustazah.

 

"Ukhti Manda ...!" a cry calling my name. She was Pika, my old class sister. I'm turning. When he turned his head, Ustaz Aris also saw my presence in his Abinya cottage.

 

He looks surprised. I'm resigned to tonight. How could it be, Pika called out to me with a loud voice. Ustaz Aris knows my presence. Finish me.

I feel like scolding that snot boy. It was as if he had taken my name so hard. Really, I really don't like it.

 

"Manda! So ..."

 

I looked at Febi who was reprimanding me again. Looks like my night is gonna be bad. My nose will not run out if someone calls and someone scolds me too.

 

"You ... You used to go down here?" ask Febi curiously.

"Yes" I replied briefly.

 

I saw Pika walking, and it seemed like she was going to head towards me.

 

"That means my vision yesterday wasn't wrong, Manda. It's ..."

 

I got up from my seat. Without spending my advice first. Before Pika yelled at me again. Better get back to the room.

The problem of all Febi's questions is the back business. At least you can go first to avoid some people.

 

 

"Manda. Manda wait a minute," said Febi, following me from behind. I tried to move quickly to get to my room.

 

Once in the room I sat on the edge of the bed and took a deep breath. All my body was sweating. Everyone who saw me made me dizzy. They all popped into my mind.

 

"Manda. What are you, anyway? asked Febi to sit next to me.

"Have you locked the door?" I looked at the door of the room we were in.

"Yes, already. Why you, anyway. I'm afraid people are scared, but .. I'm sure people avoid that, too."

"I'm okay, Feb. I sleepy for sleeping."

"Huh. Sleep on? Are you feeling like you're going to sleep?"

 

I pulled a blanket over me. And would not answer Febi's words. I'd rather be quiet than answer. There will be many questions surrounding his mind. Maybe, I need to meditate in order to answer my friend's question later.