A DEEP WOUND

Confession of Clouds and Taufik

The maulid event arrived. That day also many guests who came to attend the maulid event at the Ar-Rahman boarding school.

The santri and santriwati are given their respective duties. And I was given the task of preparing food for the invited guests.

So busy I was with friends\-other friends arranging meals for the guests. Suddenly Salsa approached me.

“Manda, get out for a while.” The whisper of Salsa in my ear

“Ngapain?” I turned my best friend over and moved the food on another plate.

“Ayok, bye. Just a minute, not long kok.” Salsa immediately grabbed my hand to invite out. Without further ado he did not care if I wanted to or not be invited out.

“Where are we going, anyway?” askaku again who was invited to walk to the santriwati cottage.

“Already, later anti also know,” replied Salsa briefly.

How confused I was when Salsa brought me to Ustaz Aris.

“Salsa, why is there Ustaz Aris? Meaning?” I looked at Salsa in confusion.

“Ana who told Salsa to call anti,” cetus Ustaz Aris is now standing in front of me.

“What's up, Ustaz. Is there anything to do. So Ustaz call ana.” I lowered my head, asking Ustaz Aris.

He was silent for a moment, and I saw him breathing slowly.

“Ana want to ask something equally anti?” Ustaz Aris was silent again, “anti why such a dodge from Ana?"

"I mean antum?"

"Ana's been watching these few days. If anti-meeting ana like fear and trying to avoid. What's the matter exactly?"

“Mmmm .. afwan, Ustaz. Previously ana had explained everything through the same letter antum. Everything is clear, there is nothing to ask again.”

“Ana confused equal anti. Who are the people who often say no-no is the same anti. Tell Ana!” with a little loud tone of voice. For the first time I saw Ustaz Aris upset.

“Many, Ustaz. Not one or two people, I replied again.

“Heemm,” Ustaz Aris took another breath that was also upset maybe with me.

“Ustaz. Ana's here to school and explore science. Not to find a soul mate!” I firmly dare now to look at Ustaz Aris.

Without know. We also met each other. Our eyes were so sharp. Ustaz Aris quickly turned his gaze to the other direction while saying his unintentional concern that had looked at me.

“Ana tau, Manda. Ana has also promised anti. If we get married, ana will still give freedom to anti-school.” Ustaz Adam tried to explain me.

“But antum will be betrothed to Ustazah Anisa. What else Antum wants to say!" I started getting angry.

"Astagfirullah hal'azim's. Ana would have said the same anti. Ana will never marry Anisa. Why talk about this again?"

"But it still does ..."

“Sabar, B. Patience.” Salsa stroked my back so as not to get carried away by emotions.

"But still what!! Aaa." Ustaz Aris is now really angry with me. "Everything is not right Manda."

“What's not right,” I said again. "Once upon a time ana often heard people talking about antum and Ustazah Nisa."

“About the matchmaking is not true. How many more times does ana have to clear the same anti?" ustaz Aris said trying to patiently answer me.

When Ustaz Aris and I got angry. Unintentionally Ustazah Nisa passed by and probably also overheard our conversation. Which made him confused and asked without shame to us.

“Anisa's Station? she mean? Ana's a pawn, yeah. This means ana or someone else?” Ustazah Anisa asked and stood near me. She looked at me with her cynical eyes.

“Iihhh, why should she come sih?” Salsa whispered near me.

“Emmm .. no coke, Zah. It means Ustazah Anisa who ordered ana to prepare food for the guests.” I told Ustazah Nisa in a nervous voice.

Die me. Why did Salsa have to meet me with Ustaz Aris. This time especially what Ustazah Nisa wants to ask. I'm upset. Fearful. And the point is I want to be angry. Moreover, the way Ustazah Nisa looks at me like people do not like.

Not long after, the maulid event went smoothly. I occasionally cross paths with Ustazah Nisa. Like he wanted to get angry at me. I don't know why I don't feel good if I meet Ustazah Nisa in person. Is it just my feelings?"

“Salsa,” scolds me who sits next to Salsa after the event is over.

“Hm,”

“Antum, look no earlier Ustazah Anisa.”

“See. Meaning?” salsa asked to look at me.

“How Ustazah Nisa saw ana it .. like people who don't like it. He heard our conversation?” many confused.

“Which conversation?” ask Salsa again.

“Ana nanya, kok antum back nanya again. Hm, that's Ustaz Aris' time talk. And it looks like the time of Ustaz Aris she heard everything.” I bent my knees and now hugged her.

“Iya, yes, I guess anyway? Ustazah Nisa listen, means she knows antum has a relationship with Ustaz Aris.”

“Yes, that's why he sees ana like that.” I was weaving my mouth. “Astagfirulloh hal’azim, can't se’ uzon.”

“Hee, yes, Astagfirulloh things’azim.”

As we sat together talking. The sisters come together to eat together. Salsa and I got up from our seats to help the other sisters lift the food they were going to eat with the santriwati and the Ustazah. All the food was ready, the sisters and Ustazah sat together in a circle.

“Read the prayer first,” said Ustazah Erin sitting around the Ustazahs.

“Iya, who reads prayers,” says mudhabiroh Puji again.

“Manda. The anti who read the meal prayer,” said Ustazah Erin told me again.

“Oouhh, yes, Zah.” I started to raise my hand leading the meal prayer.

Just raised my hand to pray. I heard the voice of Ustaz Aris next to where he had gathered with the other students.

The maulid event was held in the Hall, but the distance of santriwati and santri men was only separated using a long plywood. So that the santriwati and the male santri can not see each other. But we are in one place.

“Now we pray before eating,” said Ustaz Aris.

I heard his voice. Smiling briefly lowered his head.

I also started reading Basmalah. I started reading do’a. Suddenly Nadia and Ustazah Nisa came, until the prayer I read stopped.

“Bismillahhi rohmanirrohim, Allah humma ba’rik.” I was speechless when Nadia told Ustazah Nisa to recite a prayer.

“Nisa's Stazah reading prayer, Zah Erin.” Nadia sat down near Ustazah Erin.

“Who-who is the same,” replied Ustazah Erin.

“Iya, Nadia. Ayok repeated again Manda,” said Ustazah Nisa looked at me with dislike.

"Hem, Ustazah has read the prayer. Ustazah's voice will be better too,” said Nadia replied again. Keep forcing Ustazah Nisa to read the meal prayer.

“Ya already, Zah. Ayokk Ustazah just read,” I said again.

I looked down sad as Nadia forced Ustazah Nisa to lead the prayer. To be honest, I was offended when I was going to read the prayer but they didn't want to see me reading.

Salsa was so upset to see me being treated that way. He even said that if I didn't like it, I was treated like that.

“Bismillahhi rohmanirrohim, Allah humma ba’rik lana pima rojak tana wakinna aza bannar. Amin,” read the meal prayer has been read by Ustazah Nisa.

All the santriwati started eating, and so did I who started eating. It cannot be hidden how distressed I had typed before I wanted to recite a prayer instead replaced by Ustazah Nisa.

Not to mention I had to hear Nadia making fun of Ustazah Nisa. Ustazah Nisa also knew that Ustaz Aris and the male santri were next to the santriwati. I see it's so happy to be paired with Ustaz Aris.

I started asking myself. Is it possible he loves Ustaz Aris. Does the feeling I feel for Ustaz Aris also feel??