A DEEP WOUND

Sacrificing Feelings Again?

"Salsas. Actually ...??" my words came to a halt when I saw Salsa who was so enthusiastic about hearing me.

 

I was quiet and nervous. Salsa is afraid to be angry and I don't know what the reaction will be if I have also met with ustaz Aris.

 

"Diem again. Hmm .." said Salsa snorting annoyedly at seeing me. "Say, Manda. Too tired to talk to you for a long time."

"Actually .. a-I've met several times with ustaz A-aris and ustazah Ni-Nisa as well, Sa," I lowered my head and looked again at the expression of Salsa's face shocked by my words.

"Hah," Salsa was startled and gaping in front of me. "You. Have you met them a few times? What a story, Manda. How long has this been ...??"

 

Salsa was silent to see me. He seems disappointed or wants to be angry maybe to me later. Especially if I tell them everything.

"Why haven't you ever told a story?" salsa asked a little pressing.

 

I scratched my head that wasn't scratching. Thinking of how to explain everything to him. "I'm afraid of your same story. The thing?"

 

"What problems? You're afraid I'll be angry with your relationship. That's it!" Salsa pressed her voice even more.

I tried to give the code to my best friend. To reduce the volume of his voice. Mom's in the kitchen, if she hears. It will be more broken I will be.

"You don't have a loud voice" I said by putting my index finger on my lips.

"Why? you fear. Afraid that your mother will find out later," Salsa replied in a defiant voice.

"It's not Salsa. I can clear everything. You misunderstood me!" I glared at my best friend who really does not like to talk about ustaz Aris anymore.

"What's the matter, Manda. You're against me, yeah, you know what Nisa's wife is?"

"Yes. Tau," I replied to Salsa.

"Terus ... Why do you want to deket same ustaz Aris?" Salsa looked at me cynically. He showed me his queen teeth in front of me while ringing them. Like, now he wants to pounce on me slowly.

I snorted faintly and unwillingly looked into Salsa's cynical eyes. "I told you. I never did it with him. He's the one who took me first, Sa. You believe me."

"OKAY. I believe in you. If he takes you first. Why did you answer him. Huh!" Salsa's voice increasingly makes my veins want to break it feels.

"I admit. I'm wrong!" I said out loud. "I happened to meet him on a beach. And that was the beginning of our meeting. And ..."

"And .. The point is you want to deket him. The point is you still hope to go back with him. If only Nisa's ustazah knew you were hanging out with her. I don't know, Da. How bad will Aris's family destroy you again!" Salsa's loud voice made my heart claustrophobic in hearing it.

 

Heard Salsa's voice so loud. Clearly making mother come out with a wondering face. Mom walked over slowly to me and Salsa when my friend was done with her words.

 

"What's wrong? Why are you two so noisy. What's that talking about?"

Salsa who heard my mother's question was just diem. He was eye-catching seeing me. I clenched my hand tightly. Salsa didn't want to hear my lengthy explanation just yet. He just wants to win in his own words.

"There's nothing, really, Buk," I answered with a faint smile.

"Certainly? I heard you guys talk about ustaz Aris." Now she's sitting with us, "what's wrong with ustaz Aris?"

 

While Salsa was just tilting her face at me. He was so angry like him.

 

"Manda. What's up?" ask mom to look at me too.

"Not there, Buk. We're just talking ..." I'm silent again. God help me, tears are in my eyes.

"Salsas. Say the same mother. What were you guys discussing?" mom asked Salsa again after I didn't want to answer her question.

"Emmm .. no, Buk. We were just kidding around, "salsa replied hesitantly to mother.

"Yes already. I stay a little while, later if you want to eat with Salsa, Da. There's food in the back" my mother told me.

 

I nodded slowly, smiling in front of my mother. Then he left me and Salsa.

Just as mom left, Salsa immediately pulled my wrist. He wants me to look at him. Again he asked me.

 

"Continue the reason you were. I'm your best friend, Da. I don't want you to suffer like that first. I'm .. ka"

"Salsas. You can't explain me first. From then on, you were just beating yourself up. You don't give me space to explain everything. You played nyerocos from earlier."

"OKAY. Clearly everything," replied Salsa waiting for all explanation from me.

"During this time suddenly Ustaz Aris also often send flowers and cakes to me. In fact, if not to the boarding house he also came to the store nyari me. I tried to avoid it, but he kept trying to get me, Sa. And ... he also said?"

"That's what I mean. You're trying your best to keep hindarin him."

I looked at Salsa with annoyance. "You can't keep your mouth shut for a second. I'm not done yet" I said.

"Yes, yeah, go on."

"And he also said. Ustazah Nisa knows that she came to see me. Which will surprise you again. He said he wanted to get married."

"Huh. Married married?? Mean you?" salsa was confused.

"I don't know either. Either he's kidding or he's not. I don't know, Sa. Am I confused too? Ustaz Aris is reasonable, yes," I said again biting my lower lip.

"Just a minute. Does he have a wife? What is the story that he wants you to marry? hee, he's kidding me, Da. Or you are too baper.

"Yeeee, why am I a baper. If I baper I can't change the phone number either. You thought you were."

"Yes too, anyway. Anyway, this is it, Da. Whatever he does to you. Hindarin him, who should you want him already have a wife. Don't let your heart melt, take my words. I don't want you dumped again like you did."

 

I smile at my friend. She hugged me tightly, and I returned her embrace. I hope that what Salsa advised me to do.

I need to know what happened before. And I must remember that Ustaz Aris belongs to someone else. No matter how hard he chased and tried to get closer. So even that hard, I will try to avoid him.

"*You're just my past*."