Loving You Secretly

First Love

The sound of birds chirping is so beautiful, plus the cloudy sky adds to the cool air this morning…

“Eh ra lo no papa tuh ngeliatin doi again same girl that?” The nia chirps from earlier were indeed observing the ciara.

“...” Ciara turned her head by showing her gloomy face.

“Uhm yes ra now I understand, pft deh ra do not be lamented only.. Many times better than doi, a lot of it even. I don't like it when you squirm lo stuck in doi doang” okay?! Said Nia who gave a short lecture in the morning…

“Ho’oh, understand me this. Which I don't understand. Kok doi can be a piece of it the same girl who is clearly new to him. While me? I've been with him for almost four years, four years! be sensitive not times to people if I like the same he”.

“Lo know what I'm gonna say? Yes because you never show that you like him ra. Smsan can be counted on fingers, uhm chat? Very rarely. Is it still time to love someone in silence? are you not tired of the same perception lo it?” Tanya nia, because for the umpteenth time, her best friend was slumped because of her unrequited love.

“What perception is this? Did I ever make a perception about my relationship with him?” Ciara asked nia.

“Pliss do not have to pretend to forget! Lo inget kan lo ever say gini ‘denger ya na, fahmi it's my first love and I won't want to move on before being able to date him!’ now you want to, right?”

“Iya ni, yes.. I know I was wrong. Ah, ah Bete discussed it. To the canteen yuk, galau gini even make me thirsty.” Take ciara while reaching for nia's hand.

“Ya already ayuk, but inget yes ra message me.” said nia…

“Iyaaa, geez my friend this one bring ya” Reply ciara while pinching nia's cheek…

Oh yeah, I know my name, but my friends used to call me ara.

I fell in love with this guy. He fahmi's the basketball team kid at my school. We have been friends since junior high, about four years, even so since we graduated Fahmi Junior High began to move away from my life. Maybe because now he is famous, we so rarely chat he was so busy I see plus he is the head of the sausage in my school. Ah it is possible for me this is a past that does not need to be remembered. But even so I liked him from the beginning of our meeting which was first grade Junior High, at that time I was one class with his we were close just a classmate, the rest I did not want to hope. We are currently in High School First Class. And my feelings have remained the same until this moment.

“Eh I want mesen iced tea first in jawir, you want ni?” Ask nia…

“Hmmm I can deh one, teraktir ya ra hehehe”

“Iya yes, what the hell is not for lo” replied ciara…

“Wir iced tea one yes, in aja” glass New I want to order iced tea, suddenly there is someone whose voice is no stranger to my ears. Huh! He really is fahmi. I stared, I couldn't stand to look at him. Not ordering iced tea. I went straight to the place I was sitting with nia…

“Niaaa! You know what?! I met Fahmi at her place. Keep not buying iced tea that you pesen I even blur” ciara story with great enthusiasm…

“Yaaah, I guess why, cancel dong I drank ice tea huhu. Keep doing it also you have to run raaa. Her nervousness is ya”

“How else raa, I really nervous abis earlier, sorry we buy juice okay?” Teach ciara with face to face.

“Yes yes, this time let me buy it. Money where bos”

“Basic temperature yes lo ni, ckckckckck cepetan loh do not use stock charm all”.

“Iya... Calm ajaa raa... Byee wait for me back yaa”. Answer the art…

One month passed, it turned out that her development with her boyfriend still remained the same. Still romantic.

I can only endure this feeling. I don't want to hope, but my heart always says something else. I am confused by this feeling, should I maintain this feeling? Plus now there is a disease lodged in my body and no one knows that I have terminal cancer, except my doctor. Even my parents. But once I fell for the same story, I can no longer bear this burden, but I also do not want to make the people I love feel sad for my illness. All I want for the rest of my life is to be able to tell my feelings to her. Fahmi yes. I want everything to be as beautiful and perfect as I want it. Until I was called by HIM.

“Hey ra.. Ngelamun aja lo” kinan said

“Duhh was very surprised to know.. Hoooo yes now again hobby daydreaming I” replied ciara origin. How to get a hobby ehehehe.

“Why the hell ra? Do you have a problem? Story dong same I” ask kinan give shoulder for him.

“No papa kok nan, good me. Where is nia? I guess I didn't see Deh”

“Sama ra, I also from earlier did not see.. Pft where the hell is this guy. To the toilet kali ra. Ah also balik”…

“Iya times ya nan, duh want to go to the toilet. Anterin dong nan.. Plisss” said ciara while holding the call of nature.

“Ya already yuk, I also bete again in class just from earlier”…

“Niaaa! Elo yes we find out from earlier.. Yes ra?”.

“I.. Yes, you are here tenyata”

“Eh you guys, want to go to the toilet right? Yuk cus I also follow”..Answer nia quickly ended her conversation with fahmi.

“Niaaa, how do you talk to me fahmi do not talk to me siihhh? Huhu”

“Not that raa, that was me again Speaking of ingredients for osis tomorrow” replied nia

“Oh so huft I thought I was talking hehehe..”.

“Eh cie ara who was there..” Celoteh kinan while laughing horribly

“Ih my maludeh, don't like it dong nan”

nia, and Kinan laughed all the way to the toilet considering the red of my face while poking around with her…

—

Suddenly fresh blood came out of my nose, astagfirullah. I immediately wiped the blood with tissue and went straight to the toilet. Good thing again to the cooperative to make photocopies of materials for presentations tomorrow. Thought…

After school, I rushed to the doctor who used to take care of me, doctor irwan, doctor of my family trust. and when I collapse like this I prefer to tell my pain to doctor irwan. As usual, I was given an injection in my right arm. And it was the doctor Irwan who had been keeping secrets about my illness.

“Ra... You must notify your parents of your illness.” Doctor irwan told me

“Iya doc, I'm just not ready to tell you my current situation. Doctor understand why?” Answer me until I don't feel any water dripping on my cheek.

“But ra if you stay tight do not want chemotherapy your disease will be more severe, plus the age of your cancer that has reached the final stage”.

The words of doctor irwan mengiang in my ears, haft already if my age is enough to here I sincerely. Because I know everything that Allah has feared for me, that is what is best for me.

Not until I was home, my head felt very dizzy and again fresh blood came out of my nose… I haven't had time to please my parents, and I haven't had time to tell my feelings to Fahmi either…

Finally I chose to go back to the Hospital where the doctor Irwan worked…

“Ra..raaa you chemo yes..”

Doctor irwan's voice seemed to be hovering in my head. And I realized now I was on the push bed in the hospital…

As soon as I felt my hand holding, I tried to open my eyes…

“Raaa.. Ya Allah alhamdulillah raa, you finally siuman”.

I can only smile at my mom, I just want to say ‘thank you for everything I love you so much’

Suddenly nia and Kinan came with someone who was no stranger to me. Omg is fahmi, how can he be here. I have not had time to think about it, fahmi directly approached me…

“Raa I already know everything from nia, why you never said from the beginning about everything, I also love ra same you… I love you raa. Plis don't stay with me..”.

Ciara only returned the words fahmi sincerely with a smile and tears. Until finally the heart rate of the ciara signifies the ciara has gone before HIM…

“Fahmi, ciara left a letter for kamu” nia handed the letter because she had promised to give the letter when the ciara had gone to the front of the khalik.

Dear fahmis, dear fahmis,

if you receive this message, it means that I am no longer in this world. I just want to reveal everything to you, the feeling I've been craving for four years. Yes, I love you. Sorry because I can sassy this, although we rarely chat or just exchange anything rarely. Because for me to ignore you from far away has made me happy. Thank you for always presenting your smile when my day is almost over, even though the smile is not intended for me. If you are happy, then I will be happy too. That was how it used to be. I go first, one that I will always remember you. I love you fahmi!

From: ciara

Finally, the tears of Fahmi also dripped because it was not strong to stem the pain of his departure so quickly…