Loving You Secretly

Nostalgia White Grey

I still remember the times when I was in a white-gray uniform, when I fell in love with my own teacher, going out with my best friend's girlfriend, she said, when I cry because the man I love so much is dating my own close friend, the male student who always plays a pony in class, playing playing playing cards, playing cards, and also there is a term for the Chairman of the Students in my class which is always called “KM Teu Eucreug”, photos together in Kiara Umbrella when filming for cultural arts assignments, and, the photo in the rice field, throwing a bag behind the school just to skip a bridge, it feels. This heart really misses those times that I think are the most beautiful times.

Tonight I thought back to those times, looking at my picture with my three best friends Dinda, Winda, and Nindi at the school breakup with a smile remembering all of that.

“guy’s. although later we will not often meet again... but..our friendship must remain forever.” I said.

“ok... oh.. yes after this you never forget me yes..” said Nindi.

“ya...” I said further by Dinda and Winda.

“guy’s.. COZERIIIII... Hah..” say we four compactly.

I who had imagined those times immediately smiled remembering it.

Back I daydreamed again, as before where I daydreamed about the sweet bitter times when I was SMK first.

July 23, 2009

That afternoon I was at school laughing with my friends in class, in the middle of my conversation, Viona came to me.

“hey.. temen-temen... what more...?” Ask Viona

“hey.. Vi, we are talking again, join Vi so add rame...” said Winda accompanied by my small nod.

“ok, oh.. he guy’s, you know that in our class there are men who diem often memhatin Shilla, and every day nanyain Shilla.aaa… and he likes Shilla”, Viona said

I was immediately shocked when I heard Viona say that there is a man who likes me.

“oh... Yes Shill know who that guy is?” said Viona. I just shook my head.

“the man, Rangga.” Viona said.

I turned my brain back, what Viona said was true, that Rangga liked me, but I myself was not sure of Viona's words just now, she said, Until the next day Viona gave Nickname from her facebook account Rangga named “Rangga zha”, after I came home from school I re-opened my facebook account and immediately added Rangga to my friendship. Before long I added him immediately confirm my friendship, and I immediately open his profile Rangga I see the photos of him jagakaa, and I see his status he is also single and somehow this heart feels very happy besides he is handsome and single he also said Viona always cares about me, Oh.. God, am I starting to fall in love?.

Ashilla: Hey. You're Rangga right…

Rangga: Hey too, yes, if you're Shilla…

Ashilla: Yupz.. em... Rangga, can I ask something not the same you?

Ashilla: Uh. not being Rangga, I forgot, hehehe... by the way you again what?

Rangga: Was he at home, you alone?

Ashilla: Chatting

Rangga: Same Who?

Ashilla: Sama Rangga is, in the chat contact no one Shilla knows anymore besides Rangga..

Strap: oh…

Ashilla: very economical balesnya..

Rangga: Out of Shill's words..

Ashew: Hmmm…

The next day during sports hours I was running into the field accidentally me and Rangga collided.

“maaf...” I said

“ya is okay” replied Rangga flatly.

“OMG... why when I collided with Rangga my heart felt pounding…? what this is called first love, do I fall in love with Rangga.” murmured in my heart

At that time I began to fall in love for the first time with Rangga, and will also make a very long wait.

When I was sitting in the XI SMK class, I still had a feeling for Rangga even though Rangga did not know about my feelings all this time, and I always hoped that Rangga could declare his love for me. However, the result was nil at that time my hope in order to be in love with Rangga even clapped Rangga's hand at that time had been in contact with my own close friend Citra, Citra, I know all that accidentally when I was opening my facebook account saw Didi commenting on an update to Rangga status and asked Rangga about his relationship with Citra, he said, I was shocked and could hardly believe that the man I had been in love with for a year had been in contact with a close friend of mine.

But stupidly I, I still expect Rangga and still look forward to it until I sit in class XII SMK. At school I was back to mourn my grief, it was unbelievable when I heard the man I loved had been in love with my own friend. During the break I was sitting on my bench, suddenly Irman one of my classmates who directly expressed his love for me, but I refused her love Irman on the grounds that I was not in love and love first because I still want to be alone first and very traumatized by the name of love.

July 21, 2012

On Saturday is the day that my friends and I held the “wisuda class 2011-2012” event, that day I left for school wearing orange kebaya clothes, I came with my mother. I saw Rangga at that time wearing a black suit stellan with his dashing, somehow I was immediately fascinated again with the appearance of Rangga at that time. Not only Rangga who looks dashing when wearing his black suit, even when Rangga had long broken up with Citra, I who heard it through my friends was very happy, I was happy, and again hoping that Rangga can fall for me.

Until without me knowing when I was daydreaming my tears accidentally wet the photo album memories of SMK. I always thought if time could be turned, I wanted to feel like I was back in those days even though many bitter memories that I felt, all of them would be an unforgettable memory.