Loving You Secretly

Friends Become Love

First I knew love only through the chirping of my best friend Monica. A beautiful girl who always accompanied my days at this High School since Junior High we met. A jolly girl full of ambition that always makes me interested in everything that is in her. He's the best friend I've ever had in my entire life. A friend who wants to share not only when I am happy but when I am at the bottom of the slump he always comes and smiles while extending his hand to me so that I can rise again.

There have been thousands of love stories that he read in my life with his past loves. Momentary love, beautiful love, sad love and various other loves. I can only smile if she is telling me her beautiful love story and I will be willing to share this shoulder so she can cry on my shoulder when she is crying telling her love story wistful.

For too long we've been stringing words together sharing laughter and tears. This afternoon was the afternoon we used to spend together. We sit on the school park bench still wearing school uniforms and bags on both of us. This time you want to share another story that is a little serious.

“Farel... I'm dating her.” You started the conversation this afternoon.

“Whose name again?” I can only smile while shaking my head. I've heard you date a lot of other guys.

“But promise yes never tell anyone and this is only our secret” You give your little finger to me a sign of the agreement of the two of us.

“Iya.. When the hell do I like to spread your secrets?” I hooked my pinky with your pinky

“Sama Fansadewa UI students who are again research assignments at our school rail.”

I was silent to my best friend's answer. Yesterday was the last OSIS chairman he managed to get. Now a student you get. I look at your body from toe to toe and I admit you are beautiful but actually in this school many are much prettier than you but why did you become so idol of the men in this school. Sometimes I don't think about it all.

“Farel..I story instead of being taken even bengong”.

I smile to see you pouting because I did not respond to your story earlier “Yes already story now..”.

Now you start telling your story with the fansadeva. The beginning of how you can be close, the beginning of you two watching in the cinema, the beginning of you starts to get serious and until now you have been dating. I smile at your story and sometimes I give a little opinion on the sidelines of your story.

But somehow this time at the end of your story you hold my hand and convince myself that no matter you are close to anyone, still if I am the most special and meaningful person in your life. I smiled hearing all of that and returned the grip of your hand very tightly.

It's been over a month since we've had a chat in the park about your relationship with the fansadewa. It's been a month and slowly you start to change a little and spend more of your time with your lover and forget about me a little. There's a bit of a sense of loss and it's weird when we're together now without you. But even though it is hard I try to accept this reality.

Now in order to get rid of your loneliness without your presence, I often write beautiful poems about you in the school garden while occasionally looking at you from a distance. I don't know why now there is an attacking longing and pain without your presence. You made me cry for the first time because I lost something.

I want to get back to holding you back and sharing stories like before. Do you know there are thousands of words that I want to share with you my dear friend. There are hundreds of beautiful poems that I want to show you. This poem is for you my best friend.

I wrote these poems and curses about missing you in our shared math notebook. I don't know why I lost the book and it fell into the hands of the fans and he read everything I wrote there. It made me and the Fansadewa had a fight over the book and he snapped and even threatened me to stay away from you.

I actually have no problem and no fear due to the quarrel I had with the Fansadewa. But what I could not accept at that time when you knew the event you can only be silent and not defend me in the slightest even impressed away. That's something I really can't accept.

Since that incident we have come a long way. Like there was a long distance that separated us both even though we were 1 class at that time. I felt like I was falling into a chasm of disappointment and was really expecting you to come back to me. People say I actually love you but I don't know if I really love you or not. What is clear is that I just want to repeat the story of our togetherness as before.

By the end of our school breakup day, you called me at night and asked myself to come to the place where we used to eat. At that time the rain was flushing the city of Sukabumi very fast but I still went to meet you even though I actually did not want to meet you because I was very disappointed in you.

First we meet again you look at me for a long time and suddenly shed a tear from both of your brown eyes, and I who can't see you cry right up to you and sit next to you who you lean on my shoulder straight back like you used to.

“Farel..” Saying between your cries “Sorry me. I realize I can't be far from you. I realize actually for what I have trouble falling awake knitting love with others when there is you beside me. Pa hedi is not like you. He wasn't there when I needed him, he wasn't like you who was always there for me. I miss you Farel..”.

I stroked your long black hair and was unable to say anything. Long time it doesn't feel like you're holding yourself like this anymore. There's a sense of warmth and comfort with you since we first met. I still remember the first time we met in class when in Junior High we often fought because I often mocked your skin which was black and ugly. But now you have turned into a beautiful fairy who can sedate the people around you.

“Farel...Don't go again I beg you. I really lost you”

“I've always been here Monica.. I've never been far from you” I held your hand and felt a warm flow that was able to relieve the cold from the rain tonight.

You should have realized I was never far away and could not be far from you. I've always been here in your heart forever, even though you were never aware of it. But the account remains faithful waiting for you while holding you in my heart.