Loving You Secretly

If You Understand

I opened my eyes, I saw the world, I asked the morning dew, is everyone smiling happily today? Or is there anyone who feels like me today, covered in wounds, desolate, desolate, lost and empty.

I saw the birds flying with their cheer, drawn by the beautiful smile of each flap of his wings, hmmm .. I want to fly with them, I want to sing with his chirp, “good morning my beloved sister”, I want to fly with them, greeting Brother Ivan as he hugged me from behind, I only returned with my sweet smile. I'm Shireen and my brother Ivan, our parents divorced eight years ago, based on a court ruling I was taken care of by my mother, and Brother Ivan with my father.

One week ago mom died in an accident, and finally now I live in papa's house, “how did she sleep last night, good sleep?”, asked papa when we had breakfast together, and I'm happy, “nyak pa” I replied briefly”, “later Ivan interracede to school ya Reen?”, “iya kak”, this atmosphere is not what I expected, I prefer the atmosphere when with mama, I like it better, full of warmth, full of jokes, mama always knows how to treat me, I miss her, I want mama always by my side, hugging me every time.

“From yesterday I noticed that Shireen was quiet, not used to it?”, asked Ivan in the middle of the road, “Shireen did not know how to behave?”, “we were always together, always, you are not a stranger to brother and papa, never feel alone, now there is a brother who is always ready when to make you”, “then and now different brother!”, now, “then and now it is different, but until whenever you will always be my sister”, I look at my brother's face, if only my mother and father had never divorced, then, maybe I won't feel this way, “kok jerky! buruan entered Reen”, brother Ivan broke my daydream, and I immediately rushed into the school, my new school of course.

Day after day, the strange atmosphere has now turned a little warmer, I no longer feel alone, no longer feel lonely and lonely, I try to start everything new here, without mama, “we go for a walk yuk?”, take brother Ivan to me, “where kak?”, “alah aja”, I just obey him, brother Ivan invites me to the edge of the lake, and I will take him to the edge of the lake, beautiful scenery, the atmosphere is calm, peaceful, “kak Ivan often here?”, my question is open conversation, “not also deck, yes if you want aj”, “kak Ivan already have a girlfriend?”, yes, “kok Shireen Ask that, why hayo?”, “no! want to know aja brother, yes if you do not want to answer also not pa-pa”, “Shireen Shireen, you have almost two months living with brother, but your attitude is still not ordinary, but you still can not be ordinary, I'm your brother, so you have to be normal just like first, don't hesitate to”, I also don't know what the reason is, maybe because we parted quite a long time, maybe, it takes time to adjust, though,

The attitude and attention that my brother Ivan gave me was so great, he treated me not only as a brother, but he treated me very special, and the thing that I feared the most became real, I have a taste for my own brother, yes I love him, love my own brother, although I know this is wrong, but I still can't help it, that feeling is slowly growing into a big one, he said, until I drowned in it, and I didn't know how to keep me from getting deeper.

“Shireen brother want to show you the same photo kamu”, “photo what kak?”, brother Ivan opened his wallet, and then took out a photo, “see deh”, I was surprised to see it, it felt like my heart was slashed, I felt like I was, peri “ini brother Ivan who is it? Girl who is sister?”, I ask like there is nothing, “this is Nina, sister's new boyfriend, how beautiful is not?”, I try to hold back the tears that are not strong I can bear, I do not, “ooo pretty brother, fits Ivan”, I said trying to cover my feelings, it turns out this is like trying to keep smiling even though our hearts are crying, Lord … I don't know what to do now? The feeling was so deep that I didn't know how to bury it, I didn't know when I was going to harbor this feeling, and I will continue to feel pain when I realize that Ivan's brother is not for me to have.

I decided to go to Australia, the closer I got to Ivan's brother, the more I couldn't get rid of this feeling, and the more it hurt me to see Ivan's brother with his girlfriend, sis Ivan asked me to continue my studies in Jakarta alone, but that is impossible, I do not want to love him more, if you understand, this is not what I want, leaving you is not my choice, being away from you is not my wish, but if I stay here, it will only make me harder and sicker, we are born brothers, I am your sister and you are my brother, it will forever continue to be so and I will never be able to change it to have you.