Loving You Secretly

Mr. Ice cream

This is already the second bowl of ice cream that I craved that night, no matter I've been sitting in this tavern for two hours. The old waiter of the shop sometimes turned his gaze from the morning newspaper towards me. Maybe he thinks I'm not sane, in this cold weather and heavy rain out there, there's a girl who still enjoys ice cream until the second bowl, take it easy, old man, take it easy, I murmured in my heart, there will probably be a third, fourth, fifth bowl and so on. I don't give a shit.

Hap, spoon by spoon I enjoyed, my gaze just stared blankly at a random point in the corner of the shop.Memories by memories I turned in my eyes cracker, like a swivel comedy that is rotating scene after scene. Makes this heart jumbled and a little claustrophobic. Rewind all the crazy routines of eating this ice cream where it came from, if not from him.

—

3 Years ago. In the same ice cream shop

Her slightly pale and thin face, her hair rather long, slightly messy, she smiled looking at me curiously, waiting for my opinion on the taste of the ice cream I had just tasted.

“Where?” looking at her curiously, her facial water began to seriously look at my frowning expression like something was wrong with the ice cream I was eating.

“Wait!” I answered, turning my eyes as if thinking seriously about describing something that was melting in my tongue, and then I tried another spoonful, my songs like a true tester.

“Enaak!” My exclamation.

She smiled slightly and fretted at my cheek, protesting at my deceptive expression. I then flinched while rubbing my cheek that was picked on.

Yes, it's Keylan. Key and I first met at the basic chemistry lab practicum, the one who returned my lab's tracum module. That's where we got acquainted, he's actually my senior in college, two years older than I was.

Key took a year off at the beginning of college, so he often borrowed my notebook to catch up. In return, Key would often buy me ice cream. Starting from a note and a mouthful of ice cream in the campus cafeteria, our friendship became increasingly familiar.

Key and I are human figures who have a hobby that can be said upside down, Key is a guy with a hobby of making cakes or sweet foods. While I am a girl with a hobby of watching football and watching the cartoon series Captain Tsubasa. Reversed right?

Mr. ice cream is my calling to her. This skinny and tall guy can be said to be addicted to ice cream, like something that can not be separated. Because of his hobby and dream to have a business in the culinary field, Key took a special Cooking Class to make pastry. Key is a cool and talkative guy, sometimes Key is unpredictable and full of surprises.

That afternoon, Key deliberately kidnapped me from college, Key invited me to visit an ice cream shop that supposedly said to have existed since the Dutch colonial era, because the building is old, the interior of the shop also looks like in the museum–mesueum history, such as the cashier table and the door is slightly high made of oak wood that is twisted, like a, the cash register is also antique with the old model type, on the left side of the store there are still warm breads displayed in the old storefront, as well as the old cake weighing equipment, which is old, not even his servants were young, all old.

Key told me while looking up at the ceiling, if he often ate ice cream here when he was a child with his mother. He told her of his fondness for this place and his fondness for ice cream, the reason he likes to eat ice cream is because his mother once said that sweet food can treat heartbreak and bad mood.

I just stared at his slightly pale face and listened faithfully to him because I was enthusiastic about what he was doing or telling me.

“Everybody almost loves ice cream isn't it?” he looked at me again. Unfortunately I was caught in the eye because I looked at him slowly, I turned my face and busied myself by taking bread without filling and the bread cradle with ice cream tutti fruiti me.

“Including you greedy, eat ice cream equal bread” protest while laughing small see my behavior devouring ice cream sandwich filling.

“ini Enaaak, try Deh Key” while thrusting ice cream sandwich to him as an effort to camouflage my wrong behavior just now. Key then tried to chew it greedily, then smiled again sign agree if it was a good combination.

“yeee, good right, now Key greedy” I laugh satisfied. And Key nailed my cheek again. We also laughed cheerfully.

Perhaps, the visitors at the tavern, saw Me and Key as romantic lovers, who were joking. But they're wrong. We're not dating, Key has a girlfriend. Key is dating Amerina. Regarding Key and Amerina I don't know much because Key rarely talks about their relationship, as far as I'm concerned they've been friends since they were in High School, and then they liked each other and dated, Amerina is a beautiful girl, graceful, smart and looks calm, I think Amerina is like a female version of Key. That's all I know.

“Rome yuk ran, later miss the schedule to watch Tsubasa ” invite Key to me and remind me.

“Iya, almost forgot. ayook” replied me while getting out of the chair. Following Key's back who had walked first left the tavern.

—

2 Years ago. In the same ice cream shop.

Key smiled a meaningful knot and looked more attractive with his checkered-patterned grey shirt this time his hair was neatly tied.

“Ta daaaa, Happy Birth Day” Key thrusting something. I kept quiet not expecting. A surprise!!

That night on the fifteenth day in September, Key made me a birthday cake with a ball motif with a dominance of blue and white, like the color of my favorite club, Chelsea. Complete with the inscription “Happy Birth Day Rana” on the white chocolate pieces that make the cake more beautiful and do not forget the candles with twin numbers twenty-two.

“Don't forget to pray and make wish ya” Key smiled Knot again.

I blew out the twin-numbered candle, and closed my eyes in two seconds making a wish. We celebrate it only by ourselves. Enjoy Key's homemade tart and ice cream of course.

“Rio, haven't called too?” Key asked briefly.

“Already, don't be sad. Maybe he was busy” he said while comforting me.

Puh, no phone is no problem for me, then I just shut up and enjoy the ice cream and cake again.

“important..” Say Key. Silent moment. I waited for Key to continue his sentence. “Father and Sister, already phone” he continued with a smile

I looked up, looked at him closely and then returned his smile “Of course, that's what matters” I told him. You are also important Key.

Key always cared and always tried to cheer me up. A friend who was always there for me, given a surprise like this was the first time in my life, there are other people outside of my family members who make this special celebration for me only a friend like Key does it. A fella? What about Amerina? Did he do the same to her?

These questions suddenly popped into my head, Why would I want to know the details of how Key treated Amerina? Didn't I ever care before?

“Should make a wish what?” Key's question woke me up from the daydreams of the strange holiday question popping out of my head.

“Rahasia” I replied spontaneously. Then put on a dirty face.

“Pelit” Key faking.

“Anyway Key, thank a lot, you’re my best” I smile. I'm happy tonight.

“Any time, Ran” Reply Key. Smiling knot.

That night, as I grew older, I realized that a man was sitting in front of me like an ice cream that in silence looked cool, in his smile was sweet, and in his words sounded soft. He made me realize that something exists, but something I can't explain, I can't calculate with a mathematical formula, and I can't describe it like a chemical compound, and that something not only exists, but lives and beats, and sometimes makes this chest tight.

—

A swarm of black clouds, ceaselessly spilling water onto the earth, set the magnitude of the longing of the heavens on the earth. The dust on the streets and old buildings was washed away by it, producing a scent of earth that rivaled the smell of bread that had just come out of the roasting that afternoon. The shop did not change in the slightest, all the interiors remained old at the eating of age.

Two hours ago, Key and I were sitting together in this tavern, their faces were not as pale and thin as they used to be, their hair was not as messy and as long as a year ago, Key looks fine, doesn't he?, but there's not the slightest smile in Key's face, he's cold, ice cream in the bowl and the weather out there.

“Why is there no news of ran?” Key looked at me seriously. Her voice is cold

I couldn't look at the key, just bowed down and kept quiet, this tongue was dumb enough to say the real reason.

“I'm busy Key” I lied. “Sorry Key, I am indeed outrageous” I said once again. Withstood tears that almost came out.

After hearing the apology, Key immediately let go of his back seat, the seat, like not believing just hearing an apology from a friend who just say goodbye through text and a year later there is no news like disappearing in the swallow of the earth. I know Key must have been very angry with me, but since this feeling became more controlling, my friendship with Key felt biased, to be exact only I felt biased, I could no longer defend my pretenses in front of Key who had always been kind to me. Because with Key's attitude like that, this creature called feeling is like being fertilized, and will continue to grow, he said, although I've had a hard time pruning it but it will continue to grow uncontrollably and will continue to make me feel happy and sick at the same time. So when the opportunity to work out of town came, I didn't want to waste it.

“But you're okay right?” Say it calmly.

I looked up, looking at him closely. My tears almost fell. I can't cry in front of him, it'll only make him more anxious. My mouth opened again, but noiseless, then I nodded. Back down, I know Key's feelings are now mixed between anger and anxiety, but Key is always kind and forgives me for acting stupid

“Then how about you Key?” kataku.

Key did not answer, he stuck me tight, maybe my attitude looks strange and confusing to Key so curious, visible from the look of his face it seems he wants to spill thousands of questions over my attitude. But Key gave up, he pulled back his back seat. Little by little the atmosphere between us melted, as the ice cream in this bowl melted.

—

Like the sky, I'm the same, sitting here for hours, spilling longings for this shop, longing for ice cream, longing for Key. The scene of the cut in my eye was done, now I returned the focus of my gaze to an object on the table, a slightly thick object from the paper, red, red, key was given two hours ago.

I don't know how many times I've turned that thing back, and I don't know how many times this heart has been turned back from seeing the contents. As a friend this is good news for me, but as a person who is being hit by this strange feeling is bad news for me. Then where should I put myself?

It took me a year to synchronize between heart and logic to get the answer, in this third bowl of ice cream I just got the understanding, that nothing ever changed from Key's attitude towards me, he was always there for me, protecting me, loving me as his best friend. It was I who was too selfish, did not want to take action and risk to declare it and instead went away from it which only made Key hurt.

The rain had subsided out there, it seemed that the sky was satisfied to express its longing for the earth, I then went from the store chair, to the high cashier table, and I was, the old waiter looked at me and smiled thank you, I just returned a smile. My feelings are still mixed and feel tight.

I stepped outside the store, walked to the Station about to leave this city, I muttered in my heart saying a promise, next week I will come again to this city, I will come to this city, being a witness to the eternal promise of life between Key and Amerina. I will face it all, running away from reality is a stupid act, that no matter how far we go, it will never help to forget the people we care about, all that helps is the attitude of accepting reality.

Let me swallow all the bitter and painful feelings of this Key, and time will digest them. Because I know, this pain is only temporary, because a mouthful of ice cream would be the cure, right?