Loving You Secretly
Love Silence Silence
At first this heart is still beating normally as usual when you first see it. But suddenly the first time you spoke to me, it felt like this heart was ready to escape from its place. I will never forget July 17, 2013, the day we first met, the first time you spoke and looked me in the eye, and the first time we went home together. That day started everything. Starting this self likes you.
August 23, 2013
“Shillaaa!!” someone shouted to me. I turned to look for the source of the voice.Ah it turned out that Joseph was my best friend. I waved my hand at him. I was still standing in front of my class waiting for Joseph to come.
“haiii how is the soup?” my many.
“well, how are you? Geez, I have not seen hahaha”, Yusuf replied
“yaaa not bad. I'm busy anyway we” said me while slowly hitting his hand.
“aww crazy!! Not that you're busy with a new boyfriend?” ask Yusuf. Ah yes a week after my meeting with ‘Dia’ I was indeed dating my classmates. Though at first I still hope that I can get to know the ‘Dia’ but in fact? Not as expected.
“hahaha I forgot to tell you. We break up yesterday” I replied with a smile
“whoaaa? Really? Why?” ask Yusuf. Before I answer, suddenly…
“sup! Pads right?” a bespectacled man patted Joseph's shoulder gently from behind, and the man turned out.. the ‘Dia’ adores my former heart. Ah, I haven't seen him in a long time, and he's getting handsome enough to make this heart beat again and ready to get out of place. What's wrong with me?
“iya Vin's. Ayooo we choir” replied Yusuf. He looked at me and smiled. For God's sake!! He smiled at me, Oh God…
I returned his smile and I greeted him, “hai Vin” I said
“hai” replied. ‘deg deg deg’ Lord please do not let this heart fly
“lo join the soup choir? Sure it won't break the speaker? wkwkwk” my joke to Joseph.
“ya not yet lo do not know my voice how” replied Yusuf. I just laughed. She looked at me, “you're in the choir too?” tannya
“haha engga vin, my voice is not good hehehe” I replied each with a heart ready to fly
“hahaha gapapa time join the choir aja yuk” he said while holding my back like embracing. Do you? My heart really did fly.
“ah engga ah hahahhaa” answer me kinda salting. He just smiled
“ya already Shilla drugs we want to go to the upper class dah” said Yusuf as he passed. And he smiled again. For whatever sake I start falling in love with him again, maybe?
I stared at the night sky on the porch of my house. Stars scattered in the sky. While listening to a song from my iPad, I remembered the incident this afternoon. Remembering about him. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention his name. His name is Alvin, my next-class boy. I wonder if I ever fall in love with him again? Unbelieveble.I also texted Joseph about this.
When I like Alvin again?
Soon a sms entered my phone.
From: Yusuf
Tomorrow I leave with you, just like him. I sent him no. He did. You text him okay, you guys make a deal where your house isn't so far away. Don't talk much sms him.
A little surprised when Yusuf texted me like that, but what should I do? I'm also happy that tomorrow I can go with him.
I hold my HP screen. See a series of numbers Hp. I hesitated to text him. But eventually…
To: Alvin
Alvin, this is shilla. You're together tomorrow, right? I was with Yusup too. Yes together
A cold sweat soaked my hand as the text was sent. It is more than that, but the reality is this. Shortly after, a text came in…
To: Alvin
Ohehe, okay Shilla. Tomorrow you wait on the street deck that many angkot yes. Will I text you if I leave?
HE'S REPLYING!! USE EMOT SMILE!! I smiled at my own smile reading it. Ah can’t wait tomorrow!!!
Now I'm standing on the sidewalk waiting for Alvin. From earlier this heart continues to beat fast. I don't know what if I met him, both of them at the airport until Joseph's place was waiting for us. I can't imagine. I fear. I was afraid of his eyes. Because I know, I'd be wrong and my heart would fly if he and I looked at each other. I watched every yellow angkot that passed by, who knows it was angkot that he was riding. Finally from some of the angkot that passed I saw it in the angkot. He waved his hand and smiled at me. He smiled (again) he managed to make me fly, not my heart that flies anymore but myself also fly. I immediately boarded the angkot he was riding. I sat in front of him.
“sorry wait you long, the angkot was ngetemnya lama” said Alvin
“gapapa Vin woles aja.” I answered, I tried to hold back my joy. I should be able to hold it. If not, Berabe's his business.
For the past two months, I've been getting closer to Alvin every day we go and go home together. With Joseph too, I cannot imagine that there was no Joseph. No one can help me hold back my joy. For two months now, I still love it. Still harboring this feeling. I dare not express this feeling to her. Never would dare.
August 27th was the best day ever. Alvin taught me math. It's not that I'm a mode, but I really don't understand the material. In Angkot he taught me well. We sat facing each other as usual. Our distance is close. My heart may have flown by the time he taught me. As we were engrossed in mathematics, we forgot about Joseph. Hahaha how sorry Joseph really is. But I also still want to be taught mathematics with Alvin. Haha is a bit of a mode anyway, but if not this way, when else?
I finally realized one thing. I started to love him. He is handsome, kind, genius, smart, funny, and he sometimes acts like a child. I don't know when I'm harboring this feeling. Holding jealousy and pain while she is with another girl. But, who is he? Girlfriend isn't. To be jealous I have no right. Maybe I'll still love him like this. Maybe every day I will fall in love with her. Yeah, fell in love secretly. Feeling this feeling alone. Letting this feeling go to him. Letting her name be etched beautifully in this heart. Even without him knowing, that there was me who liked him, loved him to this extent. However, I will never let this feeling go, never forget this feeling. I will let this feeling go to him. Until one day maybe he will know there is me here waiting for him and love him.
