I'm Not Your Choice

CHAPTER 34

This morning I started to get back into my routine. Still clearly remembered how Candra chose to return to Jakarta rather than be with me until the mother 7 days back to the Creator.

I confirmed my attitude, I should be able to release Candra completely. It's time for me to be happy.

"Excuse me...Ms. Elsa..sorry, I want to introduce a new IT manager." Mr. Zaenal came into my room. Behind him was a man standing by.

"Oh.iya sir.please.." they went in and it was Tian....

We looked at each other and didn't say anything. "This is Christian Mother."

We shake hands, "Tian." "Get."

"Good ma'am.I went on with Mr. Tian first. Come on sir.." They came out of my room, left me who still didn't. Believe what I see.

This afternoon, I chose to eat in the cafeteria where I work. I ate alone and was busy watching the youtube channel of some people cooking.

"Can you sit here?" He pointed to an empty chair in front of me.

"Please.." I don't see who he is.

"It's so busy..see what the hell?" I then pressed the pause button. Then I saw who he was.

My eyes glared, "Tian...?"

Tian simply smiled, "have you been working here for a long time?"

"Oh.new 9 months.still early...ehm....yourselves how are you?" I'm trying to melt the mood.

Tian put down his spoon and fork. "I'm good, oh yes I'm so sorry. I didn't know that mom left yesterday."

"Those ok tian...Thank you.." I smiled wryly and continued my lunch.

"You're married?" I looked at tian, "already. It's been a year. Next week is one year of our marriage. If I don't remember wrong you've never met my husband?"

"Oh yeah? Do you have children?" Tian's question was very much to the Point.

I stopped my eating. "Yet. Maybe God gave me time to focus on my career first.." 'I can't possibly tell you all.'

"Oh yes tian, I go first. There's still a lot of cooling, so please continue. See you.." I took my old plates and glasses. Walk to the sink and wash yourself. We are used to washing all of our dinnerware.

*********

At 11 p.m., and I'm still here. Still befriended a lot of files and journals that faithfully scanned me.

There's a notification on my computer.

Martha \= Deck has come home? Next month 3 months your mom is home?

I continue my work. Keep counting everything, keep looking for what I need to prepare. I keep enjoying all this. Until 02:00 in the morning.

"Akh..I'm tired.." I turned off my computer. And get ready to go home with some small bags with files.

"Good night, Miss Elsa. I'll check the bag first."

"Good sir." Security checked my bag. Then I took it back and walked out. I chose to hitchhike between employees with my friends.

I walked up to the elevator, got in and went upstairs. I got out of the elevator and walked towards my apartment. I opened the door and went inside.

Hmm. I've been here for almost a month. My stomach started cramping again, I took the medicine from the princess doctor. But other drugs were also taken from my bag.

I then remembered how I thought about Candra's orders. How much I believe that we can start over...

*in old town semarang*

"Elsa.I'll talk let's talk for a second. We're looking for a seat." Candra pulled my hand, took me to the corner between the buildings. We sat in a long wooden chair.

"Els..before I want to apologize first....." Candra took a deep breath.

"You must have known, that I'm a very secretive person. I never even had a lot of friends. Ever since Hangga was born, mom - papa focused on Hangga. I was stupid enough to realize that my mom was sick pretty hard after my sister's birth.

I used to go anywhere with them, at that time just stay at home with Mr. Toni.

Even he I've considered a substitute for my father." Candra stopped and looked up at the sky that afternoon.

The sky was so hot, "I was alone here, deserted.Just Hendra became my friend. Until one day my next door neighbor came to give me a welcome cake. They have a daughter who's the same age as me."

I cut him off right away, "and he's Cristin?"

"Yes.really, Cristin was like an oasis in the desert to me. He started forcing me to play outside. I dare to meet a lot of people. I was so happy, until his time.....

I have to vote, come with mom or dad. It was a tough choice for me, they were the parents I loved, but I finally decided to be with my mom.

First thing heavy...

Because I also have to part with Cristin..."

I'm still listening to Candra. This time he wanted to talk to me a lot.

"But.entah why Cristin always comes to my mom's house. Bring food, snacks and take us for a walk. Cristin did not feel disgusted coming to our house. Which notaben her in a narrow and seedy alley.

When my mother died Cristin was also the one who always accompanied me.....

Until I feel indebted to him..

Cristin always comforts me and accompanies me.....

After my mother's departure, I swear I won't leave Cristin...

I'll always be on her side whenever she needs me..."

My heart feels sad, right? A man so hard. You can get through something so heavy.

"I was shocked when he decided to marry papa's friend. Only because of debt and for the sake of giving the rights of his father's employees.

You know?" Candra looked at me.

I shook my head...

"Papa married Rubby and registered their marriage. Long before her rubby gave birth to a child, but I never met her.

I'm just asking for a little money to help Cristin...

But papa sent me out of the country. He said I couldn't do anything. Free with the money that papa will give you...."

"Candraa.." I patted Candra on the shoulder...

"In my grief, we met Elsa. I remember how you dressed. The most polite daughter and what she was at the time.

I remember when there was an Art Stage at our school.

All dress up at the event. With mini skirts, hotpands, tight shirts and showing their urate. Even make up that I think is more like aunty - aunt....."

"Oh yeah? I forgot, too, embarrassed to open a photo album at that time Cand.." We laughed.

"But I saw you coming very bright. With blue jeans, white collared shirt, black cardigan and black sling.

"I've seen you so many times, but that night I didn't know why I was so attracted to you. Until I ventured to approach you. But.yet forward, your boyfriend has come. If it's not wrong Cristian ato Christian's name. The boys who model our school."

"Yes.he is very handsome among my generation. But..too leave pain for me too.Last time I learned, in a sincere relationship is not enough. Faithful is not enough......"

My eyes began to water, still feeling a deep wound in that time.

"Rachel?" I looked at Candra and nodded.

"You don't know? How is your charm. I gathered thousands of courage to meet you at the reunion."

"Wait...wait a minute..Didn't you make me a betting event?" My eyes squinted towards Candra.

"That's just my excuse, Surya promised to give me 10 million in return. And I need that money to help Cristin. In the end, I used the money for you.

I can't see you're having a hard time with the situation back then. Just eat it you can't afford Elsa.....

I gave the money to the bank. So that mama is not visited again by the addict....

But.I then have to obey what papa wants. I went to leave you and Cristin without saying goodbye first...."

"But why was Mr. Toni so surprised to see me being your girlfriend?" I've been asking questions that have plagued my mind all this time.

"Because you look like mom! Your physicality was very similar to my mother's. And I've never dated anyone other than Cristin." Candra's been down for a while.

I can't say anything. We were silent to each other.

"Sorry Elsa..."

I looked towards Candra. "I'm sorry for taking you too far into my life. It'll all be to my ruminations....

I'm sorry that my stupidity has ruined your future, inflicted such deep wounds and traumas....

Sincere from the heart, I do not want us to separate.(candra looked up at the sky again).

In our farewells first, deeply in my longing Elsa...

And when we first met, I felt that Nature was in our meeting..."

"Candra...do you believe that the person you do not choose as love in your heart..is the Creator's choice for us?"

"Yes..at this time I believe. I am very sinful to you Elsa. I was too naive when we met again.

And I am so cruel to you. Restrain and confine yourself, but I myself am free as I please." Candra looked at me, holding both my hands.

"Elsa.give me time, time to clean up all my business. And strengthen my heart. After everything, I promise.only there will be both of us and our son later...."

********

My head is so heavy, it feels like it's been pierced by thousands of needles. I forced my eyes to open. I looked at the wall clock at 07:00 in the morning.

I have to wake up, today there is an audit that I have to face. 3 this week many audits that I have to face. For the sake of my responsibility, I have to finish and deal with everything. "Ohh God.help me.." I held my head against the bathroom wall.

I don't know what happened but my head was so dizzy. "Oh my god.Let me do my job, after that I will take my day off.." I kept quiet for a moment and prayed. Let the Hyang hear my prayer. How responsible I am for my work. But this pain is tormenting me.

Not for how long my headache improved a bit. I took a white tablet with the words paracetamol. I don't even think about how many tablets I've been taking these few days.

I face my job well. All I'm gonna do until the last day of the audit comes. I tried to endure the headaches and cramps in my stomach that always came.

"Elsa..are you shoots really, again sick? Did you take medicine?" Tian greeted me.

"Oh, that's okay, Mr. Tian, I'm just a little unwell." I walked straight to the auditor's office.

"Wait Elsa...!" Tian held my hand. I looked towards Tian's hand, which meant that I was uncomfortable.

"Sorry.." tian let go of my hand. "I'm just worried about Elsa" "thank you." I replied.

------

It's Friday and today the auditor's home. I had a soft mattress and good food and beer waiting for me. My headache is getting a little better.

Maybe my body feels the same way as me.

I drove the auditor home to the front lobby. After their car went out of sight, I walked back inside.

I stopped my way near the Reception table, the pain in my head came again.

Many guests came that afternoon. Inevitably I still have to smile, also came Mr. Cheng. He's our Returny guest.

"Welcome home Mister Cheng...how bout your Flight?"

"Great Elsa..how are you?"

"Absolutely great sir...! Enjoy your stay...Princess will assist you, I need to go back.." Mr. Cheng looked towards the Princess.

"Dhaa!! Thank you Elsa.see you.."

I smiled and continued walking into the door behind the Princess. My pace slowed down, passing through the IT room and the General Manager room. I tried to endure continuing to walk towards the emergency stairs to get down.

I couldn't bear it and ended up leaning against the emergency exit. I pressed the door open. But I can't.....

"Mom Elsaa!!! Hurryhurry...Elsa's mother fainted....!!!" Good thing the Housekeeping boy passing by saw me. I closed my eyes, I didn't see who was coming.

*******

Right now as I felt, I was sitting on the edge of a clear river. Looking at the reflection of my current face, and back to my face 9 years ago. I see myself and there is a lot of difference.

I realized the physical form I could change easily. But about the heart, can I get through again. I couldn't help but hold back my anger when I found out that I wasn't necessarily going to be chosen by Candra.

I've gone too far. I let myself have a taste for Candra. A feeling too deep and painful.

I opened both my eyes. This room is like a hospital room. My right hand was attached to an infusion and a blood bag. What the hell is going on?

I saw Richie sitting next to my patient's bed. I touched Richie's arm, hoping he'd wake up.

Richie finally opened both eyes. "Eh..has woken up." Richie replied as I stopped shaking his arm.

"I where?"

Richie stretched both his hands."The hospital."

"...."

"Lo's passed out, right? continue to be brought here with the children.... In fact I call you, continue.who answered the phone gw say if Elo here and very difficult to connect the Candra as your husband.

Be here." replied Richie.

"Owh, thank you Richie." I tried to get up and sit down. This coincided with the doctor's visit that morning.

A woman dressed in a brown batik suit. With the oversized suit the doctor came in, accompanied by a nurse who brought the patient files. It was like I knew the doctor.......

Doctor Princess! Really Him?