I'm Not Your Choice

CHAPTER 18

"rest, you look very tired...."

"well Candra.." Candra drove the vehicle away from my boarding house.

not many words were spoken from his mouth throughout the journey.I was indeed in his eyes will never be on par with Cristin.

Candra was a long way to go...

But.tomorrow morning everything still has to walk. I've advanced, there's no way I'm going to back off or turn around again.

*******

"lo diet how hard Els?"

"You mean jes??" I confirmed the cleavage of my wedding dress.

"it looks like this design is fitting.but kok lo use masi kegedean.." Jason pulled a replacement strap zipper my dress. "sampe I'm using this strap..let's not kedodorant..."

"but thanks Jess.you made me like a queen last night.your dress is so pretty."

Jess tidied up my hair.gave the finishing touch.in the form of a glittering crown, perfect already...

"already, go ahead.lo must be ritual before..."

I walked with Jess to another room at the Rafless Hotel.

in the room there is Candra taking photos in a suit with papa and some friends who became BestMan...

jess knocked on the door...

"astaga.beautiful...." Hendra was amazed to see me...

"excuse me, the princess is coming in..."

Hendra walked backwards, I went into the room. 'owh.this is our bridal room.with floral decorations and shades of pink..'

Candra was silent without a word looking at me. Just praising jess "good results. I know. I'm never wrong."

and our ritual began before going to our blessing.starting from sungkep, giving 'angpao' from the elders to our photos in the room..

we went down to the lobby. This dress was nice, but my legs were quite tormented with 20cm heels.

****

in the bride's car

"it seems, you're hard to walk..."

"yes Cand, these shoes are high once, I'm afraid of falling."

Candra held my hand, "there's already me. Everything will be fine."

I nodded, a sign that I agreed with him.we also began to walk, with a waring(veil) that covered my face.

Candra.so mantab and sure of what will happen.it's like giving me Dopping..

my heart..buuufffhh..I feel very nervous...

"hold my hand Elsa.." Right.it's like my neutralizer.my hand starts to melt, "I'm afraid to let you down Candra.I'm afraid.."

cupph....Candra kissed my forehead..."Elsa. I believe we can be. sure and calm well"

******

I steadily stepped inside the church.I steadily took the man beside me. steadily holding him, towards the destiny we had to go through...

until I finally realized.I have long dreamed of this.even when it was just a wishful thinking.

white flowers scattered on the floor carried me forward.The smile from the audience, congratulations and happiness.....

"Before God, the pastor, the witnesses, the family and the audience who are here...I am Elsa Nirmala, choose and take Thou Candra Adiwinata as my only husband..

I pledge allegiance to you, when luck is poor,..when it is difficult and it falls..when it is there and there is no problem..and will promise...mother.and the best daughter-in-law I can..."

huft.leganya....

"alright now change the groom please." Pastor gives micropone to Candra.

Candra looked at me and took my right hand.."in front of the Lord God, witnesses, priests, and attendees....Elsa Nirmala.to be my companion.from this moment on and forever.I promise, will remain with you under any circumstances.....I also promise.make the best as a husband and father later.thus my promise to you and God...."

I was stunned to look at Candra.The eyes were very deep..

"well now is the time to formalize your marriage, accept God's blessing....

that whoever is united to God, must not be divorced by man...

...Now put this ring on your wife's ring finger.."

Candra took the ring and put it on my ring finger. "Receive this ring as a sign of my love for you that never ends.." the ring entered my hand....

now it's time for me to take Candra's ring and start putting it on.."please wear this ring, as a symbol of my love for you. So that I'll always be by your side.." The ring comes in easily and fittingly...

"alright now open your wife's veil.look at her with a radiant face.she is your wife from now on.and give a sweet kiss on your wife's forehead." said the priest.

Candra opened my veil cover.we looked at each other and smiled.candra then approached me.fucked my forehead...

finished our event at the church at that time.now we stay to take pictures with family..

Richie came up to me, stretched out his hand.. "Congratulations Elsa.you are so beautiful.It is fortunate that Candra has a wife like you..."

"thank you Richie.." I smiled sweetly at him. I saw Candra's eyes deep and so sharp...

tonight, come to the top of the event.A lavish reception with guests I don't know...

I just saw my coworkers...

my best friend in college...

both of our families..

and Candra's father's colleague...

"Candra..why don't you have any other friends?"

"i didn't invite them, I didn't want them to laugh at me."

"you mean?" I asked curious..

"laugh at me for having a wife like you and not marrying Cristin who I told you I was going to marry her.."

I lowered my head, thought and then spoke softly.."What's wrong with me? is there really only Cristin in your heart ?....tak.bisakah....I just a little bit in, and passed my limits..."

"don't dream of reaching me, I've sacrificed a lot for you a long time ago.and I respect my father.then I want to marry you.."

"then what does it mean when you touch me??"

"assume you are fulfilling my biological needs. And I paid a lot for it, too...."

"lantas..how different am I from a prostitute??"

Candra seemed unhappy with my question.."you're different from them! I appreciate you, and stop asking silly questions.I started to think you went too far and misunderstood my point about our concept of marriage..."

I just kept quiet and tried to think far away about what Candra wanted..

and.what concept does he want....

I'm too far...What is it because I started to love Candra...?

but my feelings had long since died for her, knowing that Candra only appreciated me as a self-seller..

self-seller to pay off my parents' debts..

*********

the night after the party.I met with mama in the hotel room where mama slept "deck.ini mama there is a little gift for you.this is your wedding..."

mama gave me a wrapping of paper in the shape of a box.I opened it and found a jewelry box...

I opened it.."mama...this is gold bullion...Why so many ma???"

"iya Elsa, mama has always been evil with you.mama always told you to work for money to pay off your debts - mom....

think of this as a little gift of thanks and an apology from your mother, for she has been so evil to you all your life.."

I cried so hard...I knelt hugging my mother's legs and leaned my head on my mother's thigh.."ma..thank you yes.have given me into the world.sorry Elsa who often denied mama...Elsa loves mama....."

mama stroked my hair.."boy.promise me..you will be happy.promise me..hiks...if you will live happily and obey your husband, serve him wholeheartedly...sincerely devote your life to your husband...."

"yes.iya ma....Elsa promised.." I hugged my mom, and cried out how I felt at the time...

********

tock.tok...

candra opened the door of the hotel room.I went inside, the atmosphere of the room was a little dim...

the smell of flowers filled our room..Red wine was on our bed..

"have you taken a shower?"

"i answered briefly." I went up and sat down on the edge of our bed..

"do you want wine?"

Candra opened the wine bottle, poured it into the wine glass.

"it's.." '"thank you Candra..."

I ate green wine and drank red wine..

"it feels so good..."

"yup..really so..."

I put my glass on our bedside table..

I turned around and began to break my body...

so tired today...

Candra was lying next to me. Her right hand hugged my waist. I felt like I wanted to sleep closed my eyes...

but.....

Candra even grabbed me up. Then her hands stopped on my chest.."layani me tonight, after that go to sleep Els....." Candra whispered softly to my hood...

I don't know since when. Candra.whatever it was that night my body resigned with her touch. I did the part that was supposed to. serve her as wife.

I slept very tired and so warm, so close and deep of her that it made me so opiate...

I faintly heard him say.."I left for a moment.My friend waited at the Leon Pub..."

his warm deposits slowly disappeared, alternating with the thick blanket of the hotel that accompanied me in the rest of the night...

I was powerless to open my eyes.I fell asleep to replenish my energy over the long day...

The morning nyaa....

I opened my eyes, looking around..Candra's not here. Has she left first??

I cleaned up our stuff and then I tried to call Candra..

But..again - again I can not contact him..

until I realized.my contact has been in Candra Block.I am your wife, but can not contact or rather.I was forbidden to contact you first....

I sat still...

where I'm going...

the hostel I left..

some things I sold....

I looked at the side of the bedside table.there was a card with a small message..

'do you remember my apartment?

here's a card for you, some of your stuff has moved there.

quickly catch up with me if you're done.

Candra'

ah...it turns out you went there...!

I hurried off to go out and down to the lobby, towards the reception, "mas checkout room 2018."

"Okay mom, it's been paid all can be in stay.thank you.."

"okay.thank you.." I left the reception desk..

Mr. Toni approached me.. "For the non, let me deliver.."

"For sir.ayuk..."

I followed Mr. Toni to the hotel parking lot, to the Chevrolet Captiva, it looks like it's a new car..

"this is a non operational car. Mas Candra thanks this for non. he said non definitely need this for where - where."

"oowh.I must thank Candra.."

Mr. Toni smiled, "want me to go between the non.."

"apartement Candra sir.kesana only.I want to put some stuff.."

Mr. Toni started to panic a bit.."non.sorry to go somewhere else first how?"

"meaning father?"

"it's nothing, what's non, Mas Candra doesn't seem to be there..."

I took a deep breath in.."Mr. Toni.I just want to put the goods.after that I want to invite mama street sir..."

"alright non....." Mr. Toni answered me softly...

I became suspicious.There must be something going on there.The ceiling this week is a bit cloudy..

"the ceiling is suddenly cloudy yes.the black cloud came..."

"yes.iya non..."

Mr. Toni parked the car next to the Audy A8 Black Candra.I got out of the car and saw...

'this white field.seems like I know..'

Mr. Toni followed me up to the 10th floor.The elevator was slow in my opinion...

ting..(open lift).

I got out of the elevator, turned right and went into the left..

I walked straight, just briefly because this hall is not long, in 1 floor only inhabited by 5 flats or medium-type apartments with 2 to 3 rooms..

I put my key card in to get in...Mr. Toni repudiated me, "just have breakfast.."

"Sir.I want to put my suitcase first..."

I opened the door.I went in and turned on the lights...

"For Elsa.." I heard the familiar voice of a woman..

I turned my body, saw the kitchen lined with the entrance..

"CRI.....Cristin....?"

Cristin wears a white shirt.exactly the shirt I used to wear..

where are his clothes..?

I went deeper inside.putting my suitcase near the sofa in front of the TV...

"what are you doing this morning? want some tea, huh,? or coffee?" Cristin's holding me back.

"no thanks. I can make it myself if I want..."

"Sir Toni.has breakfast?" Cristin tried to melt the clumsy atmosphere...

I kissed a bad gelagat here.I walked to Candra's room that felt behind the TV room.aligned with 3 other rooms.

hangga room...

"Elsa..do you want to eat first?"

"what the hell is Cristin? can I open my own husband's room?or is there something you're hiding?"

Cristin just remained silent.....

I opened the door handle of Candra's room....

I went in looking inside..

Cristin went straight inside, quickly - quickly woke up Candra..

"Candra.wake up.cepetan..."

I looked around...

why women's and men's clothing splattered on the floor...

Candra sleeps naked...

"there's Elsa..." Cristin tried to keep waking Candra up...

Candra Woke up immediately opened her eyes.then she glared and looked at me..

we were just looking at it, the atmosphere became quiet......

I can't say anything...

I picked up Candra's clothes, gave her.."wear it" I said to them.

then I walked back...