I'm Not Your Choice

CHAPTER 33

Hello.mas Joko darling......

definitely read my letter again mas...hehe...mas, how are you? healthy continues mas.don't forget to rest the same eat ya mas..

if you start to catch a cold. mas do not forget the ingredients of my drink, ginger, lime, cinnamon, chew on boiled mas. strain and drink mas ya...

oh yes I want to say thank you for granting my request......

that's our farewell, mas....

sorry..mas.....

actually, this parting I do not want mas.tulus I still love you like when we first met.but I do not want, because you accompany me to seek treatment, the company so not managed. what about the cost of Hangga and Candra later..?

thank you also for marrying Ruby, she's a bad-ass orphan. Ibn who was supposed to marry her instead ran away for fear of marriage.

huft..let alone yes mas..I do not usually write, which is clear.someone when tell children yes.how the power of our Love.

that our farewell, because we love each other mas. I do not want mas, when you are old you pass by yourself mas....

I want there to still be someone who accompanies and takes care of you. Especially if our children are married.who would you like? thank you so much for marrying Rubby.

teach children about the power of love. that we part for the happiness of the one we Love.

because honestly mas..after we split up and I stopped for chemo.I so have a lot of time to cook, accompany and walk - the same way children. I'm very happy mas. it's a time I can't have when I'm having chemotherapy mas. My head is so dizzy, not yet with the effects of drugs that I can't eat anything.

but..at this time I am happy mas.thank you....

do not forget to eat, rest and pray.I promise you, when we get back together there.I will take care of the mas like when I took care of me first.

hug and kiss dear to Joko Adiwinata.

I & U

candra's entire leg was limp. she then flopped onto the guest sofa in her study.Her tears came out, her mind drifting remembering the memories with her mama.

even her mama never taught Candra to hate her papa. Her mama is so patient, delicate and beautiful.

*********

Elsa opened her eyes, her position was now in a hotel room. Next to him there was no one - who.but from the direction of the bathroom was heard the sound of people taking a bath.

five minutes passed, the person from the bathroom appeared. It turns out Martha, "have you woken up Deck?you were sleeping really well. big brother did not have the heart to wake up. so brother asked help Bellboy to lift you."

I just nodded, "grandfather.can't you ask me something?" I nodded back.

"are you Candra really married?"

"sister mean?"

Martha then gave me a small paper from the prayer book that my mother used. "mama nulis this deck, the power is for you."

son, forgive mama yes.mama just a fool who can not find money.so you should find a rich husband to cover the cost of mama. mama is wrong with you, mama can only trouble you.

but, after this you are free, son.you do not think of mama again.mama is happy there equally papa.n already when you are enjoying life.

enjoy the money you have been looking for.

do not continue this marriage, you will only hurt your heart more deeply.

mama knows you love her, but she loves someone else more.

don't ask why did you know? mama realized when we first met.mama saw the gelagat less good when meeting with mama.

mama also saw Candra go with other women, even though it was your wedding day.

mama does not want you to live with such circumstances.your future is still long....

achieve your dream promise to LIVE HAPPILY....

I folded the letter and put it on the table. Martha looked at me full of questions. "yes, I only married because I needed money brother.my contract also stay a year rich."

"Elsa. Candra is not a good boy for you. Sister had met her in Turkey, when she saw her same woman you know.." martha forced to remember..

"Cristin.." I replied softly.

"yeah!!! brother scolds but he says it's none of your household's business."

"yes sister.he was Candra's first love. actually married to the wood businessman and showroom Mercy kak. but somehow...they seemed unable to separate...... Even mama died did she come sis?"

Martha nodded her head.

"i tried to contact Candra when I was coming home. But the woman answered and said that Candra was taking a bath. I don't know what they're doing..I'm tired brother...!!!"

I fell down and cried - so. Martha approached and stroked my hair, trying to calm me down.

"i love brother!! I love brother!!! but.why Candra treats me like a shoe. which can be left behind and used when there are no more favorite shoes."

"grandpa...kamu danger deck, if you love him, but he does not love you.let go, forget, leave..! seeing her happy with her choice, that was the true Peak of Love.."

I wipe my tears, and sit in front of martha. "fakek.you have to look ahead.remember, you are young.your career is good, and Candra it's not what - what deck. without him you can go forward and succeed deck. Brother Believe, adek can definitely be happy and find a sincere person loves adek.." then Martha hugged me.

I don't know how many years we have never hugged. "adek inget yes, now live brother.kak will keep adek as strong as possible, big brother will be sad again...I'm sorry that you've been so cute, you've been busy with your world."

*********

me, martha and benny were ready and standing in front of the chest.we were preparing to leave for Purworejo.

Martha came forward to give a welcome from the family. "i am here, representing the deceased. would like to apologize for my mother's sin and guilt during life, sorry to the caliphate of our family who intentionally or not hurt the mothers - fathers all. I also pray that my mother's path is easy, so that my way is easy, and all the roads will be covered.thank you.." Martha could not continue, her tears flowing again.

I was sitting waiting for preparations.arrived a man in a white dog shirt came and sat down beside me. "Goddess.sorry..."

"Please don't say anything. I'm tired and my emotions are unstable." I threw my face away from Candra..

"Elsa..here I want to talk..." Candra pulled my hand.but I let go hard. "I told you not to say anything!"

I left Candra and prepared to leave for the nutrition area.It takes at least 4 hours to reach the place.

I chose to ride Martha's car. I sat in the back seat of the driver.but Martha instead called Candra to ride with us. so we were silent to each other along the way.I was lazy to see Candra's face.

we arrived at this burial area. Papa's grave is well maintained. It seems because papa adek still there who live here. I also met om Jati.

"om.." I thrust my hand. om teak replied by shaking hands.

"Elsa relieved?"

"yes, at least, I can see you're happy.mom can eat anything freely, don't need to take that much medicine." Candra just stood beside me.

"oh yeah, that's it..."

"om papa's grave is still well maintained. grave eyes are also so." I switched our conversation.

"clearly.we will have a personal caretaker.they will tidy up, clean up and report that our family meal there is a problem."

"it's worth papa ngoto to be buried here." Candra was still silent and back and forth taking her breath off.

"is that your husband?" ask me Jati.

"yes, I know Candra." They shook hands.

"you dashing it turns out.sorry yes om ga come fitting your event. om nemeni aunty exam profession in Yogyakarta."

"oh yeah? what profession is it?"

"soul. aunt wants to be a lecturer right, so it must be school again.yes the name is also science, it never runs out. we also must not be full of the same Science. whatever it is, like the parable of glasses. when you meet someone, empty yourself, let in the new knowledge of the person..."

that's how om jati, a lecturer at one of the universities in Yogyakarta. a lot of activities he spent besides teaching.sometimes om teak still had time to write even I heard he finished publishing his third book.

finally the event is finished, we are ready to go home to Semarang. many mourners who took the mami. garlands that came were a lot. out of nowhere, I do not care.

we were on our way back to Semarang.I would not want to go home with Candra as well.we separated at the intersection of five, I chose to stay at a hotel near Martha's house.

Candra followed me, I let her sleep in the room with me. After I got there, I went straight into the bathroom, locked the door and turned on the Shower. The water droplets soaked my body. my head is heavy, my eyes are also tired, whether these tears are very difficult to control.

when I'm done and out. Candra immediately changed to clean herself. I only wear a kimono towel. it feels like my legs can not support my body. I lay myself on the bed. I closed my eyes.

it feels warm and comfortable.it feels like I'm in heaven.feel like I'm so protected.grudgingly feel her I open my eyes.but, I force myself.I realize this is a dream.

Candra hugged me tightly. Her scent and breath were so close to me. Whether drunk what I was, I approached and let our lips meet each other.

then Candra opened her eyes.We looked at each other for a moment, Candra returned to reply to me. releasing our stifled longing, releasing the longing of touch that we could not express.

we fell asleep hugging, warm and so comfortable.I still assume the dream that just happened.how I turned into a woman who thirsted for Candra's touch. if I realize maybe I'm cursing this cheap me.

the morning came, I opened my eyes, but now I can feel clearly. Candra slept beside me, hugged me and her lips kissed my head. "morning Elsa...."

then Candra wakes up and turns on the kettle jug filled with mineral water. Candra sprinkles sugar and tea in the room.

I got up and sat on the bed. Candra turned her head towards me, "morning Elsa..This is me making Tea. You want to take a shower first?"

I don't know what poisoned my mind. how I wanted to be cheap in front of Candra that day. "how about we take a bath together?"

Candra swallowed her saliva, "bo.can..."

I stood up and took off the kimono that was still hanging on my arm. I let Candra see clearly my body. I walked towards the bathroom on the tail by Candra.

I feel awkward!

showering with other men all my life I've never done it, even imagined I didn't.

I love you said, that morning meant nothing to me. That was on my mind, I had to make Candra realize that I was not your only toy.

"El, when are you coming home?" Candra spoke while wearing her favorite t-shirt with the logo of a small dog.

"maybe on Tuesday."

"you're waiting for 7 daily mama?" Candra approached and hugged me. Her eyes were deep at me.

"yes.I almost 9 months never holiday.it's not a problem right?" answer me with a pampering tone.

"yes, I'll just stay then so we can go home together.."

my hands are coiled around the nape of Candra. "if you're busy, just go home first.I'll catch up with you, I'm afraid what your job will be piling up."

Candra brought her forehead closer to my face. "you know Els, you're now watering.I'm even reluctant to leave you long - long."

"oh yeah? if I am like this how..I am indeed sweet spoiled.." I continue to tease Candra.

Candra hugged me tighter. "Elsa..promise lah.did not stayin me. I do not want to lose again.." I just silently heard the phrase Candra.

we decided to walk in the old city area of Semarang, there have been many changes.it feels like I'm back in the 70s.

Candra pulled my hand, asked me to take pictures on the bike. whether we were never taking pictures or indeed our mood was good.even we could take better pictures than our wedding photos.

"Elsa.it's good yeah, than our Prewedding time."

I saw some shots of people that we asked for help. "yes rich Chemistry is better."

our photos are so many, only this time I see Candra can smile more.it feels like a lot of burden that he has released.

we continued our journey to other photo spots.

"hallo..?"

"yes Mr. Toni, but I'm still here until the day after tomorrow."

"just say the same Cristin, Candra honeymoon.."

then the call was broken Candra.

"who's Cand?"

"Sir Toni, Cristin wants to borrow a car and take me away."

I lowered my head, "did Cristin have no other friends? and why are we all together again enjoying quality time.Cristin must have called you....."

Candra just kept quiet and looked at me...