Be My Soldier Forever

Ep. 90

Dear Anita's

Now I am eighteen years old and I have entered my teenage years into adulthood, Leo and Cathy wanted to take me to the bar for the first time and maybe I got drunk for the first time, Leo told him that, and he said he would treat you too, Anita, because I want to take you with me too. I know, you know what we should order, what to drink and how much we should drink, you go there a lot and I want to know what good things we can have about our experience. You like it there and I wonder why you like it so much there.

You know, I love Cathy so much and ever since we started dating, you and mom have loved her more and more.

Leo's asking permission for mom, while Cathy and I are going to take you with us. You're gonna drink and you're gonna dance there, there's not gonna be a drunken bad guy that's gonna bother you, especially you're not gonna go home with another guy besides me and Leo.

I know this is common for you because you don't do it often.

We were walking near a picture of Dad hanging on the wall of the hall, which is specifically located in front of your bedroom door.

I knocked and called you a few times and you didn't answer.

I think your mood is still angry with me today because I slapped you when I was ten, or maybe you were sleeping or maybe you were going through your PMS.

I looked Cathy in the eyes with worry and I told you how she never reflected my worries or any bad feelings in her eyes, she was always calm, happy and smiling, even though her father gave up on her, she said, her mother, and her little sister, I remember mother and you told me to never be like her.

You should know that my burden so that I slap you will never come down from above my shoulders, I will never forget it and I will never forgive myself for it.

I'm sorry, brother.

Dear Anita's,

Congratulations to you who are not at all afraid, congratulations to you who have finished the war with your own life, or forcibly finished it by surrendering to yourself and unleashing your power.

Anita, you could've knocked on my door and told me, I could have you write a letter to mom, dad, yourself, or anyone. I can help you, at least you tried

When Cathy knocked on your door and called your name and you didn't answer, I assumed you were sleeping, menstruating or in such a bad mood that you didn't want to talk.

Cathy and I are begging you to open up or let us know if you're inside but you're not answering.

I opened the door, and I found your body hanging from the ceiling of your room near the door with a rope around your neck.

I didn't know what to do, so I felt like I was losing you.

I yelled at Cathy to do something, and she immediately replied and went to do what I didn't want her to do.

She took mom and mom unconscious immediately seeing you hanging from the ceiling and I was standing on a plastic chair, trying to untie you behind your neck. Leo looked at us with his eyes wide open.

I untied the bond that bound you and lowered yourself down, I checked your pulse. But I didn't feel anything, I did CPR, ignored your cold self and your blue skin. It was awkward when I started blowing your blue lips.

You fell limp on the floor. You're not responding. You just died. Like those. Without warning or goodbye.

I think I deserve a good-bye. Mom deserves a good night. We both deserve an explanation for why you could kill yourself without even bothering to leave us.

But you know what, Anita? I don't think you deserve to do that to yourself.

Dear Anita's,

I didn't want to do anything related to you over the past month because it was so hard for me, not because I hated you for killing yourself and forsaking us. No, no, I don't hate you, Anita, I love you, I will love you so much no matter what, no matter how much you sin so far! You will always be my older sister and I will be your younger brother, even if we will only meet on the tombstone.

But what should I tell your father, Uncle Alan.

You drink too much, you start smoking in a week secretly, you dance to please random disgusting men, you go home with them and give them a piece of you to earn money, you use your ballet dancing skills for the worst reason.

And you killed yourself, you made us sadder than we really were, mom kept crying for an entire month, afraid of your tragic destiny, she said, afraid that one day I would end up sinning like you, so he often kept asking me what I was doing every day, where I was going, where I was going, where I go when I get back, who my friends hang out with, how I feel, how my day is, how I feel, if anyone bullies me or annoys me and he becomes more and more obsessed with me so that I can't breathe anymore.

Tell me, if I kill myself, will I really go to hell? Are you in hell? Is killing ourselves a sin?

Despite all the trouble you've caused by suicide, I still love you, I hope you're wrong about yourself.

With a lot of love, though,

Your brother Evan.

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So basically this explains everything, Evan's intentions towards the older brother of his uncle's son, Anita, Then his feelings about suicide, which could be shock, shock, regret, suffering, depression, etc, disappointed and unable to understand.

When she realizes why she killed herself and tries to put herself like Anita.

He slowly begins to accept his death and forgives her for leaving him without warning or goodbye.