Let Me Choose

Longed

"Retno sitting here baby, it's been more than two weeks since you came here there are no ripples of your steps to get out of the problem or solve the problem, what will your household be like?"

Retno was just silent, not much she did every day just out riding a motorbike buying food, and doing a little research research for the material of the script. He met his friend and locked himself in his room.

Spending the day contemplating and diverting all her problems that can not be diverted and forgotten, even more want to forget her husband even more pain in the chest and feelings.

Listening to music, feeling each song verse even represents his feelings, and insinuating his problems.

Sometimes it's like his story is very painful.

Not even a little touch his laptop, to start describing, presenting, pouring the results of his research. Retno only contemplates in silence, alone in the crowd. It felt like he was the only one who was the worst so deep.

"I'm confused Mom."

"Mom understand, you even look thinner, take care of your health how to solve your own problems you have problems."

Retno was silent.

"It looks like you never eat, I don't want you like that, our body's right to get food intake, whatever comes in, the food on the dining table is never touched, don't torture your body, don't torture your body, quite a heart and a feeling that has not been cured, everyone has been in a weak condition slumped and fell, feeling thrown into the deepest abyss and there is no hope."

Retno remained silent, and played only the ballpoint in her hand.

"But rise up against all that, you want to be silly, want to change? yes, fox is the same! it's not easy, but at least we need to start. Invite your friends, let's discuss here who are your great college friends?"

"Ella's the same Ismi, but I'm too scared because they're too curious about my problems."

"Tell them not to be a burden on your heart, loyal friends will help and provide solutions instead of hating, so as not to burden you in making your thesis."

"But I don't feel ready yet, Mom."

"Make your friends as discussion friends, and sharing friends, unless you keep your household secret meetings, don't let your lips open them."

"Yes, I'm suggesting you try, I'm bringing a friend here to exchange ideas."

"Why did you close yourself to communication with your husband? it would not be nice to break off communication at all, if there is anything you will regret, however Dr. Prabu is still your husband."

"I don't think I'm ready, Mom, to communicate or talk I really can't."

"You didn't give your husband a chance to tell you, I suggested giving your phone number to make it easier if there's anything passive and you don't want to answer the phone or reply to the message."

Retno was silent and occasionally looked at the chief nun Harni.

"If you're not ready for nothing, but if you're ready then I'll give you your phone number.

Let you also know how far he goes in his responsibilities how far he goes in trying to solve his problems."

The conversation was over and Retno only saw the hood serving the table of Harni's head sisters not one bit all the menu pulled her, Bu Harni just bobbing heads.

Retno came out of Bu Harni's living room and into her room opened her laptop and checked her e-mail and the others.

Retno's heart pounded, there was an e-mail that was not sent when, so long and maybe sent not just once. Retno began to trace words and sentences began to read by verse, words that made her heart ache.

Retno, I know and understand your heart best, you're angry you hate, you're disappointed in me I know! You cut ties until there's no number I can call, I'm trying to understand all that.

Understand, that is now the word that I am meaning of all the events that we went through, now I live everything with sincerity.

I know you haven't opened this e-mail yet but I don't care, I want to pass on a note of my life's journey to you baby...

I have come to family A as a form of responsibility for solving problems that are somehow, but A disappeared somewhere, relatives have been in contact, he said, no one knows or comes.

There's no more excruciating feeling than when I don't know about my wife, but I do pray that you're okay.

- Miss you so much...

The millions of longings in his heart felt aroused, but lost to his hateful ego. His heart was at war with his own feelings.

His longing words and the hope of good news about him were so draining and his heart was so empty now, his tears could not contain his feelings, he said, Retno sobbed herself in front of her laptop while rubbing the writing on the monitor screen that became the representative of her husband.

Read it many times with a heart so sick leave tightness in his chest, and a clear circle at the end of his eyeballs.

"Mas Prabu, I miss you too, but my heart has not forgiven you. I'll try to forgive but I don't know how long this heart can make peace with reality."

Dear Retno, I hope you are in good condition, oh yes have arrived where your thesis is, if there is a problem I am ready to give reference to my ability, you can count on me.

Retno, I have never felt this kind of longing, other than longing for my dear wife, but I am helpless, just the word 'forgive me' is a word that always resonates in my heart.

Retno increasingly powerless heart, so much that Mas Prabu sent by e-mail, by calling her husband's name Retno tears in front of her laptop.

Dear Retno, it seems useless my day, I do not want to go crazy and be a person who longs not to mix, I want to use my knowledge and energy in the community, I want to use my knowledge and energy in the community, I will volunteer health workers for humanity in the midst of natural disasters that occurred in East Java.

I'm begging for your permission.

I miss you so much, baby...

"Mas, we're going further, there's the best do'a for you too, may Mas be safe."

Deep in one corner of Retno's heart was so unwilling to part far away, even though now they had separated, but all had happened, he said, and one more thought bothered him where did the caterpillar Alya's itchy disappear?

Retno opened the e-mail on her phone whether the message sent the same Mas Prabu, Retno looking for the last delivery date, already two days ago.

Means Mas Prabu is now in the disaster area.

Maybe he was busy with his medical activities in the midst of the community affected by the eruption of the mountain's hot cloud.

Not wrong in the slightest of what is said by Ms. Harni, give a gap for information even if we do not want to accept the call and open the message.

Now it is proven that he does not know at all the activities that Mas Prabu did if he did not send e-mail.

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