As Strong as the Mentari, as Soft as the Moon

Episode 80's. Misunderstand

My eyes stared at the blue expanse of the ocean that seemed glittering in the sunlight. I stood on the edge. And I let my feet wash with the waves that come and go as I please. As well as my current mood that is sometimes calm, sometimes gamang and sometimes dazed like a storm raging.

Still facing the vast ocean. I stood up not a little. My hands clasped tightly onto the crutches that these past few months have faithfully become friends at every step of the way. My tears almost broke. The clear thread was already floating in the eye patch, and I could hardly stand it anymore. I sighed repeatedly trying to reconcile the turmoil in the chest that was increasingly pushing outward.

"Yes, Robby, I am still faithfully waiting for your miracle. And I am still faithful to wait for the impossibility of every prayer that I pray" I make. This sadness is still neat I keep at the end of my heart. Because what I see is a smile and a laugh in every day. A lie to bring freshness in living life. Especially when in front of Keanu's brother. I don't want to be my weakness with him.

Three o'clock past forty minutes. I'm still waiting for news from Keanu. A little surprise I prepared. Today is exactly two years of our marriage. As per the agreement I was the one who chose our meeting place this time. And this place is the one I chose as our meeting place. But until now there was no news I received from Keanu's brother. Even Satria lost track of Keanu's brother.

I stood for three hours to look at the sea. And several times Satria offered me to sit on a gazebo that had been pre-ordered. I don't know why I refused. I prefer to enjoy the waves that tirelessly wash my feet. Then my ear-bending caught the laughter of someone I knew very well. I looked at the source of the laughter.

"Mrs.." said Satria who seemed to know what I was looking at. His eyes were on another corner of the beach not far from where I was. "Mama, brother Keanu and.." I said. Almost jumped when I found the last figure I managed to recognize. "Sarah.." I said a little wryly. Why is Sarah here with Keanu's sister and mother? And there's a little boy playing spoiled in Keanu's lap. He is no less than a year old. The boy's laughter was clearly heard. And brother Keanu was so happy to play the boy. Ah, his longing for the presence of a child may not be contained anymore.

And I.. Until now, have not been able to give what my mother wants especially Keanu. "I'm sorry, sister.." I said as I rubbed the clear lips that began to wet the cheeks. Today I know more and more what Keanu's greatest wish is. Child... Yes, child. In his laughter, I clearly saw that there was such great happiness. There was a twinkle so incredible that I could not fully understand it.

But why does the beautiful woman stay with Keanu's sister? Did he succeed in making Keanu's heart melt, so that Keanu's brother received it? And the little boy.is he the child Sarah conceived at the time?

I'm upset. I turn my body towards my car. "Mrs.." said Satria with a worried face. "I'm fine, brother." I said as I sat in the seat near the wheel. "Wouldn't the madam go see Mr Keanu first? Em, I mean, to make things clearer" Satria said, sitting behind the wheel. I'm pensive. My mind wandered for a moment. The laughter I just heard and the happy hue I just witnessed, were so clingy. And so haunt me. Once again I breathe. This time it felt heavy.

My eyes looked back at the shoreline that was always wet in the washing of the waves. Stepping quickly, Keanu behind the little boy who was learning to step. His steps were so small and limped. Once the boy fell, but with the support of Keanu's brother so the boy got back up and started his steps again. Seeing that, my heart sank. Should there be a repeat of the events with sister Mirza? I gave up because of a boy. Ah, if so then my life seems to be back to zero.

My eyes warmed up as my steps were driven towards the shoreline. I stood by Keanu's brother, who was standing behind me. Sometimes his back was shaken by his snickering with the boy. "Can we talk for a minute?" I said without saying stale. "Fara.." said brother Keanu as he twisted his body. His eyes are looking at me. There was a sense of surprise at the end of his gaze. Seeing my presence, Sarah immediately grabbed the little boy from Keanu's brother's cradle. Every now and then Sarah looked at me while spurring her steps and moving away from our existence.

"Nearly three hours I waited, brother. But let alone fulfill my wish send no news. What does your brother really want?" said staring. "If our relationship is not as important as before, I'd be willing to stay away from you. I also realized how my situation really is" I said flatly. Yes, I managed to toughen up in front of him. No tears will flow this time.

"Sister. What does sister want? Is your sister happy with Sarah? Isee so. Especially with the little boy earlier" I said again. This time my eyes looked at the boy who was chatting with mama Vienna.

"You misunderstood, dear.." said brother Keanu. His hand took one of mine and held it. "Misunderstand it?" my words are a little vibrating. "I hate your tough attitude, baby. Be honest with yourself and me. Be honest that you're not actually as strong as you seem. Fara.." said brother Keanu who looked at me.

Hearing that I couldn't stand my tears anymore. I ended up crying too. My face hides my tears. Now the clear circle fell greeted by the ripples of the waves that were returning to the beach. "My life started from zero again, sister. Today my feelings were almost the same when I saw Brother Mirza with Amara and their little daughter. His happiness is the same as yours now. The difference this time is that I became unlucky because of my condition. My physique is not perfect. I'm disabled." I said. My voice really shook and stammered because of my crying.

I stood looking at Keanu's brother when he arrived at the place where mama Vienna and Sarah betada.Both seemed fun to play the boy. "Ma.." said brother Keanu who managed to steal the attention of mama. Mama Vienna looked at me for a moment and smiled as she could. Impressed forced. Duuh, it feels like getting such treatment. Remember how mama Vienna was so supportive of you back then. So expect me to be Keanu's best friend. But now everything has changed. Especially when my condition does not go as before. What should I do, Ma...? I myself am helpless. I am still waiting for the impossibility of every prayer that I have prayed all this time. And never stop doing it. Come on, Ma. support Fara again as before. I looked at the mother who was still playing the handsome boy.

"Em, baby. Sarah is.." said brother Keanu cut off by a male voice from behind me. "My wife.." said the man. "Hi, sister-in-law." said the man greeting me. "I'm Keanu's brother. I was purposely hidden for your safety at the time. But it turns out that I'm more comfortable with my condition being hidden" she said. I looked at Brother Keanu asking for an explanation. And brother Keanu just smiled faintly at me.

"Keanu can't possibly betray you, Fara. He is too in love with you. Mama just can't give him advice that mama thinks is for her good and her future" said Mama a little cynical without looking at me. He was busy with his new toys. "So, did you forget about me? said the man I knew a little while ago named Kenan. I looked at his handsome face, but I could not find a single stroke that reminded me of him.

"We met three years ago. I almost grabbed Fara's sister for stopping suddenly" he said with a small laugh. I'm still frowning. "Em, I stopped closing in after seeing Sister Fara. I already knew that Sister Fara was a much loved woman, Brother Keanu. I had asked for the mobile number of Kak Fara" he said again. I smiled because a memory line was now teasing me. "Yes, I remember now." I said while looking at him. "And sister Fara need not misunderstand, Sarah is my wife and the boy is my biological child. I've been bad about Sarah. But I love him." he said, staring at Sarah.

"Where, do you still need my explanation?" said Keanu's brother who wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "Still.." I said while staring at the mother who continued to play the boy. It feels like I got that treatment. I immediately turned my body and stepped. Wh why? Because my eyes are heating up and the clear grain is ready to slide.

"Darling.." said Brother Keanu who taught me my steps. At that time also accompanied my tears that dripped one-on-one unstoppable. "I'm sorry I misunderstood you, sister." I said as I stopped my steps. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you either." said Brother Keanu who immediately grabbed me and held me tightly.

For a moment I buried my face in his chest. Enough of my crying represents how I feel right now. Between the regret and the regret. All united until I myself difficult to interpret it. "Then why didn't you come to see me? Didn't I send you a message?" I said as I looked up and looked at her. "I...I forget. Sorry.." said brother Keanu as he loosened his arms and chose to sit on a bamboo chair not far from where I was standing. I followed her with my gaze while shrinking my tears. "I lost time with Aidan. That little boy always caught my attention. Forgive me." he said, lowering his head. Don't worry brother, I understand how you want it. Child...Yes, child. The figure you've been missing since the second year of our marriage. But I'm sorry, but I haven't been able to give it to you.

"I'm sorry, brother. I haven't been able to give you a child. What dayaku, brother. All God has arranged. We can only try. But God is the determinant" I said with a sigh. Keanu's sister also looked at me fixed who was busy playing white sand with the tip of my foot. There was a sniffling plume filling this heart niche as the word slid. Son...can I get it? Ah, I am waiting for the impossibility of the prayers I have been preaching. I am faithful in waiting for him, the answer to every prayer I pray.

I saw Brother Keanu sighing again. This was along with her sad look. "I'm still patient, baby. You don't have to worry. Especially to throw away your feelings towards me. Trust me like I trust you" Keanu said.

"Loyalty begins with togetherness, develops out of understanding, and endures out of mutual trust"

"Until when?" tanyaku. "While the people who previously supported me are now one-on-one starting to oppose me because of my helplessness" I said pilu. "Averse to let. The one who chides don't care. Who pretend not to be seen. I myself only believe in your love and His greatness" said Brother Keanu. Ah, words of comfort crumbling. But I know what your deepest desire is. Only the presence of a child will make you perfectly happy. I'm sure it's true. But again what my day. The power of my prayer is not yet a miracle.

The sun is getting embarrassed to strengthen its rays. As the passing of the white clouds and leaves the expanse of the sky that is also almost fading and reddish in color. I'm still standing on the shore. Let the ripples of the waves wash my legs and splash onto some of my clothes. Meanwhile, the wind blew the end of my veil.

I was still staring at the ocean. And still faithfully awaits the impossibility of the prayers that I have proposed. Both spoken orally and stored in the heart. That's my biggest hope right now.