THE PERFECT TIME TO DIE
CHAPTER 54 (UNCONTROLLABLY FOND)
UNCONTROLLABLY FOND
After a long time staring at the card, I just put the card in my wallet while cursing myself. I don't know why I'm still expecting it. May God see this sincere feeling, and change that destiny line. Even if I knew, it wouldn't be that good for me.
I then went to the empty room in Uncle's house, to rest my body and thought this. I was very tired even by just breathing. The night in a room, I just laid down this body while staring at the sky roof of this room.
Just turning back the story with him in my head, I smiled and cried. This memory made an empty space in my heart, and asked for help. I want to repeat all that, my time with him. I really wanted to change the script that God had written, even though I realized that the film from the screenplay had been played and it was impossible to revise it.
Her smile disappeared after my presence, but how is this. I still want to have her, my selfishness makes me curse myself.
**
Unknowingly, the dawn had come and I was still imprisoned for all my memories of it. Before long, Uncle surprised me at the door. He just stood looking at me, I don't know how long he's been standing there. Then he smiled at me.
“Rasya, let's have breakfast.” Pinta Uncle.
He left after saying those words, and I followed him to the dinner table. I saw the various food menus already on the dining table, I pulled the table bench and sat with Uncle at the dining table. We only focus on the food we both eat, only the sound of boiling water in the kettle on the stove is what accompanies us both to eat.
In the middle of my meal, I was very curious why Uncle immediately accepted my intention to change schools. I decided to ask him too.
“Why doesn't Uncle have a reason Rasya wants to change schools?” My toot.
“Create what Uncle, start a conversation whose contents will only hurt you. You also will not be honest, about the real reason right.” Answer Uncle.
Uncle's words rested on me, and recalled the events of that night. A chatter that hurt both of us, and I realized that that night, I had killed Keira twice.
After the two of us finished our meal, we both circled around Jakarta to find a new school for me. And after almost searching for half a day, I finally decided to choose Harapan Jaya High School.
Private school not far from Uncle's house. In a car on our way home, I just stared at my uncle in the steering wheel. And I'm grateful for this time and I'm grateful to have her in this life.
“Besok Uncle came to your old school to take care of your school move.” Said Uncle.
I just smiled at Uncle, that smile contained all my gratitude towards him. He has given me many things, but I have never returned his kindness. And I remember, I had a sense of guilt for him. Two years ago after the departure of my parents, I should have told him about it.
**
One day after the departure of Ani and Yusuf. Uncle and Aunt came to my house, and again invited me to stay with them. But because of the ability to see the future that I have, I rejected their intentions. I fear the events of Ani and Joseph's mother, befalling them both. But Auntie didn't lose her mind, Aunt kept convincing me to stay with her.
At night in a room, we both just sat in my bed. In that room, Aunt reassured me with a smile. My aunt took my hand and told me I could go back to a new beginning.
Hearing those words, I almost fell down and accepted the invitation. But the fact of my ability, I immediately withdrew. I try not to depend on them, my fear of losing them is behind it. And my fear of that happening immediately, when I looked into Aunt's eyes, I saw a piece of her future. And once again my ability to drive a person I love out of this life.
Would change if I could not see the future. Would I be happy if I were born normal like a human being. Where the future is a mystery. About, destiny for his future. I understand, and I'm grateful to know. So that I can prevent that from happening.
But this is still unfair to me. Since long ago, I have always been forced to surrender before war. Because I know, destiny will never go wrong. And my struggle will be sheer futility. That fact makes me hate myself. Because of me, it was created. And because of my unlucky life, the woman I love suffers.
But if I had a choice. I will remain who I am, and move away with that destiny.
