THE PERFECT TIME TO DIE

CHAPTER 47 (LOSING MY MIND)

THE LOSS OF MY MIND

Tonight, I realized. He is a bad actor. But look at his efforts to look fine in the midst of that pain. That fact, kill me. Every smile, like a sharp sword in the chest. Why did he choose that path. Doesn't life like that, so painful. Why does it keep on, making me feel even more useless.

The fact that I kept hurting him, no matter how hard I tried not to do that. So, I'm sorry for giving you such a hard love. I'm sorry, for making that pain, a routine that you used to live

in life. No defense from me. Therefore, I cursed myself with

the most rude word.

God has no idea, though,

when we write stories about us. So that the groove is so monotonous, and always the same. Always, I hurt you. If not, maybe God is jealous now, because of the great love we both have. God wants to separate us both.

But if this love, it turns into

a punishment though. I'll still love him.

The night at the dinner table, we just stared at each other. I often wonder what his head is about, what I mean in his life. But no matter what happens, I will always be grateful. Remembering the man I saw in his future piece, the man who always made him cry. I hate him so much, and if I knew who that man was. I promised to kill him, to prevent that fate from being born and walking.

I thought of another way to stop that fate. I also established myself to have it, that was all I could do, as I waited for the man to come into Keira's life. I will not let go of that man, neither will Keira. As long as I look after him, I will also kill all the men who are close and intend to approach him. I'll do it like that, don't like it. I will keep him by my side. And I will make Keira will depend on me, and only on me, no matter what.

I held her hand while looking at her. Right, just that way. And if I think back, I can't live without it either.

“You want to not, marry me?” My toot.

My question surprised him and adjusted his gaze. He smiled and thought it was just a joke. I held my hand, and looked back at him.

“Wait for me in 4-5 years, we will get married. I'm gonna graduate college and take over my dad's company.” Continue me.

“I will take care of you, and I will make you always happy. Same marriage as Ra?” I said.

“Iya, I trust.” The answer.

The answer carved a smile on this face, hope arising from pain. And because I know and know that pain, I will try hard to realize that hope. In the middle of my smile, I remembered the events of the school roof, which up to this point continued to bother me.

The events of my kiss and Frisca, where I betrayed Keira's love. That fact unknowingly continued to harass me, and it felt like I could not keep it anymore. I started to prepare myself and started to look at Keira.

I saw Keira being preoccupied by the food box she was carrying. I went back to thinking, is this action that I did right. What if that smile would disappear from his face, and what if he couldn't forgive me. Those thoughts kept bothering me, I lost my mind too.

Should I tell him all that or bury this fact so that the smile continues to adorn his face. And if I think back, me and Frisca have agreed to bury the incident. Although I was a little afraid that Frisca would change her mind and tell Keira about it. Keira would probably be more devastated if she knew that fact from someone else.

“Why you?” Keira asked with a smile looking at me.

How about this, what should I do. His smile continued to rebuke my conscience, and subconsciously this heart was voicing for this silent mouth. But it was exhausting, I was imprisoned by a fact. A fact that I'm going to hurt him again.

“I want a story.” I said.

“What story?” Ask Keira.

Keira's smile again made my step back. This mouth was reluctant to speak, but I could no longer keep it. I decided to share the pain with him, I realized that I was very selfish. So please, I'm sorry.

“I kiss Frisca.” I said.

My words simultaneously made Keira stop all her activities on the table, then she just fell silent while looking at me. That look was like a sword stab in this chest, and it hurt me a lot.