THE PERFECT TIME TO DIE
(CHAPTER 5) HOPE SENT TO THE SKY
HOPE SENT THE SKY
After the tragic accident happened to both my parents. Uncle who could not bear to see me living alone, invited me to live with him. But I refused the invitation and insisted on staying in my home, the home of my late parents.
I don't want, if I leave this house, to unknowingly erase all the good memories of my parents in memory.
Hearing my reasoning, Uncle was disappointed while lowering his head. Not heart to see me living alone, Uncle also sent a housekeeper to take care of me. Then came a 50-year-old woman named Ani's mother who came to my life.
He did not come alone, he came with a young man, named Joseph. Seeing that, I also welcomed them with hope that wanted to get out of solitude.
And God granted my prayers, after they came into my life, without realizing my world was back alive. The voices of the two of them whispered their ears, and their presence shattered the silence while leading the grief to leave.
And slowly, this smile returned. Not too long to adapt, because they opened the door wide and rebuked my awkwardness, so that without cueing, I was free to walk in and be imprinted with them.
They are natural, without frills turning their backs. It makes me feel trapped and comfortable to be by their side. The television in the living room, they turned into a fun gathering place.
Previously, I did not like watching television, but after their existence, television became something fun. Seeing the cuteness of Mother Ani and Joseph while fighting over the television remote, became additional entertainment and they made this house, back to life.
My lonely life was engulfed in solitude, turned into breath and energy, I no longer alone saw the world from a distance and painted my own clouds, there were Mother Ani and Joseph.
The two of them seemed to whisper a word in my ear, that I was no longer alone. And their smiles seemed to embrace me, and brought me back into the world and again understood the meaning of the word hope.
After they came into my life, I had a new routine, which was to follow wherever Joseph went. The home and the football field are two places he often goes to. Why a football field, it's because Yusuf aspires to be a professional footballer.
It was seen from the many posters of world footballers, which were stuck on the wall of his room. Joseph was 15 years old, or 8 years older than me. And I started to put Yusuf as a big brother as well as an idol, because to me he was a cool kid.
Yusuf's goal is to become a world-class striker. Yusuf intends to bring Indonesia to be a champion in the world cup title, and that is his dream. Therefore, he continued to train and train. Looking at Joseph's ethos, to my amazement, he had a purpose in his life, no matter how difficult or miserable he was, he would keep running and keep chasing his dreams.
Honestly I was a little envious to see him, he became a striker in his dreams and in real life. Keep looking for opportunities and use them to become a goal. I wonder, about when I can be a striker in my life, have a dream and keep looking for opportunities to make a goal, and realize the dream itself.
But I doubt, I'm afraid of falling a second time. And I'm afraid I'm used to being disappointed, and it's better not to hope, because I'll never be disappointed. Wise or cowardly, it's up to you to interpret it. Because I've been in enough pain, just breathing.
But unlike Joseph, he was not afraid of failure or disappointment. For him, failure is another step to success. And he decided to become a lion in his life, keep running and fighting until he got his wish. Maybe because of that, I really liked Joseph, because he was different from me.
**
Only one shoe Joseph had, his school shoes. Because of that, every time you play football. The soles of Joseph's feet were often injured, when he accidentally stepped on a thorn or accidentally kicked a stone.
As of today, Joseph was forced to sit down and immediately grasp the soles of his feet, after a thorn had struck his foot and it seemed to have hurt him.
In the middle of the football field, and under the hot sun, Yusuf collapsed staring at his feet with a bitter face. But before long, he stood up and ran. He did not dwell on the pain he was suffering. And if I see Joseph, I remember an old saying.
If we look for the right words to describe a dream, the right words may be suffering. In other words, because of that dream, we are willing to make peace with all the suffering we feel, as we pursue our own dreams.
We will keep that suffering, and keep trying to make it happen.
**
And the voice of the adhan magrib stopped all their activity on the field that afternoon, for them the sound of the adhan was a long whistle that hinted the match should end. And we all began to go home, and so did I and Joseph.
The journey home, always fun. We always fill it with small talk, sometimes we talk about children that we do not like or just guessing, what menu Mother Ani cooked for our dinner.
“Kakak why, kok smile continue?” My toot.
“Kakak seneng aja, can ngelakuin something that Brother likes.” The answer.
“Happiness is only real when shared.” he continued.
“Hah?” My toot.
“Happy will be perfect, if you share that happiness.” Dismissed.
Joseph taught me many things and I learned many things from him, about the meaning of life and the meaning of the word dream. Not how much you fail, but how much you rise when you fail. That's all I can learn from him.
Comfort, harmony, togetherness, whatever it is to be called what that feeling is, which represents my feelings when I am with them both. Because all I know, they sent the heavens to accompany me and cure me of my grief all this time.
