THE PERFECT TIME TO DIE

(CHAPTER 45) SINK OR SWIM

SINK OR SWIM

Silence is the friend we can trust the most, for it will never be betrayed. In life, some moments must be allowed to be a secret. There are some moments in life that we have to lock in a meeting.

Because if it's revealed, it'll make a lot of hearts hurt.

Today, I committed an unforgivable sin. And I realized, there's nothing that hurts the most in life. Rather than being disappointed by someone you thought would never hurt you. So, I'm sorry for doing that.

Guilt is useless, and it cannot change the past.

It will only make us, more

feel useless. But I, will keep that feeling, as a form of punishment for my actions.

After I got home, I locked myself in my room and kept cursing myself. This bastard, will only continue to make her cry, ringing the phone from her, making me even harder to curse myself. Just dodged the phone, 'cause I don't know how I'm gonna deal with it.

Today's events continue to suffocate my breath, while Keira continues to urge me with her pure love. I was then punished for my actions today, and made me lick of regret.

But the girl did not stop, again she tortured me with a smile on her face. After the bell rang, I knew right away that it was him. Just looking at her from the window, that's all I can do. I don't know how to deal with his smile, it's my guilt that's behind him.

With a smile on his face he stood in front of my house, in his hand he carried two food boxes. I am grateful and sorry for it. How is this, I keep depending on him. How about this, almost an hour he was standing in front of my house. And every second that he walked through, was like a sword thrust into my heart.

I was in pain, how this feeling turned into pain. But even like that, I would never be able to leave him. Finally he gave up by putting the food box he brought in front of the door, and left with a disappointed look. There were so many moments that happened today, and I regret all those moments because I kept hurting him.

After he left, I got out of my house. And when I saw the lunchbox he left behind, I was destroyed. I then brought the two boxes of food in, he deserved a better man than me, but even though it was like that, why would I not be willing to take it off.

At the dinner table, I opened the food box and found the contents of the box were fried rice. Seeing that, I was grateful and sorry. And I know very well, I don't deserve to eat it. My regret rebuked the hunger in my stomach, I just stared at him while contemplating my mistakes.

**

Still covered in regret, this step felt heavy to walk towards him. How is this, along the way I have trouble breathing. Just standing on the school fence, various thoughts continue to be present in this mind.

I want to be honest for everything, for his destiny and for all my mistakes. I'm really tired of keeping all this alone, but I'm afraid he'll get hurt again. But it's exhausting, and I feel like I can see the end of this relationship. He'll get hurt if he stays with me, and I'm sorry about that.

Today, classes are crowded by the sheets that schools provide, forms for college enrollment. All the children filled it with optimism, as well as Keira. When he saw me, he smiled. The smile rebuked my feelings, I really wanted to tell a story and ask for forgiveness for all my mistakes.

But I put it away, and just sat there smilingly looking at him. Keira seemed enthusiastic to fill the sheet, I saw her eyes sparkling as she filled the sheet. Keira once told me that she would study law at the University of Indonesia because her goal was to become a lawyer.

Remember Uncle's message in the head, about continuing to study abroad. I just kept staring at the sheet that belonged to me, and soon put it in my bag. And I smiled again when I saw Keira was very enthusiastic about filling out each column after column of the form.

But when I saw his eyes, my vision of his future came back. I kept seeing various pieces of events, about his destiny in the future.

**

But this smile was gone when the other pieces came, seeing that, I closed my eyes. But I still saw clearly the incident, in the same place as my previous vision. He had a fight with a man, and to my surprise he suddenly slapped Keira on the cheek and left the room.

I tried to see who that man was, the man who slapped my love. The crazy bastard who made me want to kill him, for being rude to Keira.

After the man left, Keira then collapsed and sat helplessly on his stool, he then cried alone. I couldn't bear to watch the incident, I immediately closed my eyes and hoped the pain in my heart would go away.

**

His destiny has not changed, even though I tried. His destiny is still the same, and his destiny will await him and imprison him. I cried seeing that fact, as I realized I still saw him smilingly filling out the form. The story can be seen, and I'm devastated by it.

Even though I kept dodging it, but this sign kept popping up. How will I deal with it, I feel that I am completely useless. I then grabbed the sheet by force, my fear of his future was behind him.

I then tore the nearly filled form paper. I saw Keira looking surprised, as well as the students in the class. I just looked at him, who was still silent with his confusion.

“You can't be a lawyer?” I said to Keira.

He just sat down on the bench, and I got out of class and left with my guilt. I then walked to the roof of the school, and tried to remove the hassle of this head.

Because no matter how I try, that destiny hasn't changed. And once again I put a wound on his heart. And now I don't know any more, how I'm dealing with it all. But Keira didn't allow myself, to take off the hassle of this head. Keira followed me to the roof of the school, and I was then attacked by various questions from her.

“Why ... Why can't I be a lawyer? you ever tell yourself that in the future you see me becoming a lawyer?” Ask Keira.

I just stared at him, I understood that I had hurt him. He looked angry and sad, but that was all I could do. This is my way of protecting her, even though she would hate me, but it doesn't matter, as long as that fate leaves her.

“Give me a reason, why can't I be a lawyer?” Keira Pinta.

I was silent, the question hurt me. How could I say the reason behind that, you would get hurt. The fact of your future will hurt you, because you will lose the child you love.

“There is no reason, if you want to remain a lawyer. We broke up!” Threaten me.

Those words hurt her, and I was well aware of that. But this is my only way to protect her, and I won't regret it. Because I know he'll get hurt even more if his destiny goes like my vision. He was silent and soon tears ran down his cheeks. My love is crying, I'm sorry. But this is exhausting, like a puzzle piece.

My vision of him, come and keep coming. And this really torments me. Like a time bomb set in such a way, I saw his destiny. My vision of the future took Keira's smile from my life.

I wish I could reset everything, and turn the cry I saw into a smile. If I think back, I'm no different than that guy. The man I saw in his future destiny, because I kept making him cry.

I saw Keira still looking at me, and her tears were still streaming down her cheeks, and it broke me. He then left the bastard who hurt him, only accepting that fact. And hopefully, he listens to my words and his destiny for his future will change.