Damar For Kinanti

damar Room

Kinanti woke up from her sleep, she glanced at the wall clock, and,

at half-time two in the morning.

Behind her body, and her hands began to palpate, looking for the whereabouts of her husband who had been asleep beside her since the afternoon.

Kinanti got up when she could not find her husband on the bed.

He walked towards the bathroom, looked at it blankly..

then with a sense of curiosity she decided to go out, where exactly her husband.

He was so curious because since he woke up from his sleep this afternoon he was silent and only smiled when he looked at Kinanti.

And there was no explanation of his condition until he fell back asleep after Isya'.

He was busy talking to Mbak Winda, and their conversation was very serious.

Kinanti was deliberately told to prepare dinner, as if he would not be allowed to listen by Damar.

Kinanti went through the whole house, from the living room to the kitchen, there was no trace of her husband.

" Where is the night like this...?" kuuh Kinanti,

" is it possible to go to the factory?" Kinta asked.

But there's no way he thought, outside the rain was a speck..

it is impossible for her husband to come out with such weather conditions.

Kinanti walked back towards her room, but suddenly her steps came to a halt, she remembered something.

Her husband's room, the room he entered this morning..

With a step of heart Kinanti headed to that room.

Open the door slowly, and the thick smell of tobacco.

The room was dark, but Kinanti caught a shadow, a man was sitting with a burning cigarette in his hand.

There was a fear that plagued Kinanti for a while,

but in the expulsion of the fear, because she knew very well it was the posture of her husband.

Kinanti was looking for the light switch, and sure enough..

when the lamp was lit, she found her husband sitting on his desk chair.

Black table facing directly to the window.

Apparently he was watching the scene the next night of the house while watching the drizzle that began to increase rapidly.

" Dad..." Call Kinanti closer.

Damar did not answer, noticing his wife's approaching steps he lowered his face.

Swiping something that flowed down his cheek quickly.

" Why is it?" tanya Kinanti hugged her husband's face to look at him.

Looking at the eyes that still hold the rest of the sadness, Kinanti knew that her husband was not okay.

Moving her thumb, rubbing the water in the corner of her husband's eyes that will slide down.

" Don't think about your own burden mas life." said Kinanti hugged her husband.

" I'm not your wife.talk everything to me.." added Kinanti while taking a cigarette in the hands of her husband and throw it in the ashtray.

Immediately Damar hugged his wife's waist tightly.

He was sobbing uncontrollably,

" i killed your brother..?! I killed him..! I made him die..!!" says hard.

It made Kinanti startled and freeze instantly.

" Punish me Nan..?! spare me..?!" the man hugged his wife tightly.

A few days after the incident Damar condition began to improve, but the appetite is decreased drastically.

He did not talk so much to his wife, if he did not go to campus, then he would be busy all day in the factory, then before the magrib he would check the waters in the rice field until the Isya'.

After that he went home to take a bath and eat, then a few hours later he returned to the factory to help the workers who were overtime.

Kinanti tau. it was all done by her husband just to reduce his guilt.

There was no look of hatred or anything, only a look of despair arrived in his eyes, that made Kinanti temporarily silent and noticed, that was, while she was looking to find out about what really made her husband feel so guilty about his sister's death.

Kinanti had entered Damar's room several times without permission,

he deliberately sought ingredients to fulfill his curiosity.

But all he found was the memories of Damar's sweet memories with his older brother.

Their climbing photos are neatly tucked away in drawers, divided into several albums.

The photo was filled with a stingy Damar smile but his face looked calm and comfortable.

An unkempt face with hair that is left to shoulder length.

While beside him always stood the figure of Aji, whose smile was as bright as the sun, his smaller body was always embraced by Damar.

There are even some photos also when Damar was holding Aji, like joking in front of their boarding house while in college.

She knew her brother could not hold a grudge, especially on his best friend like Damar.

But Damar's words and excessive guilt made Kinanti ask.

Again, Kinanti watched some photos on the wall of the room.

In this house there is not even a photo of anyone, only a picture of him and Aji who filled the room.

But there is one photo that Damar always put in his wallet, it looks like it's a photo of the late birth mother Damar, he said,

But Kinanti felt no need to ask, because she was afraid of arousing her husband's grief.

" Why is my husband really?" tanya Kinanti looked for an opportunity when Damar finally left for college to teach.

" He's been quiet for a week, he's been without appetite, even just smiling and stroking my head..

it makes me even more depressed." said Kinanti.

Winda took a long breath, though,

" He cannot escape the shadow of your brother's death." said Winda made Kinanti bite her lips because of the mixed taste in her chest.

Sad, disappointed, and he doesn't know what to say now.

" He's been that way for years..

but over the next month, I saw a big change in her, so I guess it's been cured since you guys got married.."

" just yesterday I saw it that way..

from the beginning we were close I've never seen him that way..?"

" when she was about to contract she had a relapse, a little severe.I was even afraid she could not undergo a marriage contract..

but because we forced her to take the drug, her condition improved..

the same medicine you took in the drawer yesterday,

so when your husband has started to sweat cold and tremble.Give it to him, you should know that.."

Kinanti was really sad, how could he just realize and know this after the wedding runs a month more, even almost stepping on two months.

" Do you know why while carrying you he arrived like that?"

ask Winda then.

Kinanti shook her head, hoping to get an answer.

" You look too much like your brother. Your face is.." said Winda,

" when he carried you down the hill, he accidentally caught your face so similar..

even your head rests on his shoulder while closing his eyes..

it shakes him up.."

" That's because I'm tired.but I just closed my eyes for a moment?!" clear Kinanti,

" really it's not a problem, the problem is your husband whose psychic condition is not normal..

Seeing you like that, the shadow of your brother's death suddenly reappeared..

especially when your brother died, he also died on your husband's back..

it was then that your husband took her down the mountain to seek help..

You triggered Nan's memories..

the guilt reemerged, though,

even now whether it is bigger or less..

seeing you close your eyes on her shoulder helplessly, she was afraid that you would leave her like your sister..

he's afraid he can't protect you and he's lost back someone who's precious to him.."

" mas Damar imagining I'm dead? in the same position as Mas Aji too?"

Winda nodded, though,

" He painstakingly went down and held himself, until finally he collapsed.he wants to take you home even though his body is not strong.."

Kinanti shook her head in disbelief,

" this is not a mild disorder???, hallucinations that my husband has to heal??" kinanti said with a feeling of inexplicability.

" He wasn't strong, but he kept me down. He even thought I was Aji.." Kinanti bowed weakly.

" maybe it's because you're too similar to your brother and at the time it was almost the same.."

Kinanti covered her mouth with one hand, holding back her crying voice so as not to overflow.

She couldn't even bear the sadness of what had been weighing on her husband all this time.

" What else hasn't Vinda told me.. tell me everything... about my husband..?" pinta Kinanti,

" There are too many painful things that have happened to him..

your heart will not be strong." said Winda with a soft look.