Damar For Kinanti

To be the old Damar

" Let's talk.." Said Damar who had been waiting for Kinanti to come home from teaching tutoring.

" Talk especially mas?" Kinanti walked past Damar just like that,

" It's funny, once we're like that you avoid me..!" Damar's voice was loud, making Kinanti's steps stop and turn towards Damar.

" Hush!!!" kinanti firmly approached,

" Trink down your voice mas, it's not funny if you hear it?!" Kinanti.

" What if you hear it?"

" lh! you're this mas?!" Kinanti was annoyed, but Damar even laughed a little, his gaze full of affection.

" Switch on mom, we're out for a second?" said Damar,

" No." answered Kinanti quickly,

" no?" Damar looked at the woman before him was astonished.

" I've had an appointment to the wedding with Haikal, it doesn't feel like I'm out with another man." said Kinanti.

Damar's molars tighten instantly.

" Do I have to force you?" ask Damar with good self-control.

Kinanti was silent for a moment, then looked at Damar.

" The one yesterday was Khilaf, right? so let's forget it.." Kinanti's gaze begged.

Damar froze, in his eyes Kinanti was good.

" I touched you of my will, I touched you also with full awareness..

there is no element of khilaf at all.." explained Damar, the look in his eyes implies a tangent because of the phrase Kinanti.

" But I think I'm a khilaf..

although there is no love in my heart for Haikal,

I can't act like this." the two of them looked at each other seriously,

" What are we acting like?" ask Damar seriously,

" I feel like a traitor.."

Damar was a little surprised by the words Kinanti said.

" What have you done with Haikal? did you kiss her like you were returning my kisses?"

" i'm not a cheap woman who gives my lips to every man!" firm Kinanti fiery.

" really? so you just gave it to me?"

" I didn't give it to him! you're forcing me?!"

" but did you accept it and repay it well?"

Kinanti was downcast, her face flushed with embarrassment, and mixed with anxiety.

" I told you I was a khilaf." he said.

Damar really feels unappreciated now.

" You mean, as long as a man wants you, you can recite at any time? like with me?" Damar sighed at Kinanti's face, forcing the woman to look at her face.

" Don't complicate my situation mas?, why did you arrive like this to me anyway? is not the attitude of yesterday's mas indifferent and enterprising telling me to find a husband so that mas free from responsibility?

why are we acting like this now?

do you think this is fun?"

" No. " replied Damar,

" i'm not happy about this, it's all because of my stupidity, my cowardice..

I didn't ask you directly,

I wanted it, though,

that's not just a suggestion..?"

" yes, I know, but what you're based on is responsibility, only guilt..

how can I live with someone like that?

are you actually thinking of me or the late Mas Aji?

do you care about me or do you care about the late Mas Aji?"

Damar was stunned, Kinanti's sentence was like slapping him.

" you're confused yourself, aren't you?

I know. I'm a lot like Mas Aji,

everyone knows we're like a betel on the other two,

don't don't you want to be with me just because I think Aji's still alive in me,

consciously mas..

all you feel for me is obsession..

and obsession can't be made the basis for a marriage.."

" then what is your marriage with Haikal later can also be made a good basis? while you don't even have any feelings for the man, your attitude toward him is like a friend, you're not only deceiving yourself, you're deceiving him.."

" at least his feelings are clear to me.."

Damar was really frustrated, he removed his hand from Kinanti's face.

" Is it because I don't look perfect." she said, arriving,

" Do you need a man in uniform?" sit on one of the terrace chairs.

" This has nothing to do with your work?!"

" there's! you think I can't read the situation?

fixed salaries, pensions, everyone likes to have a daughter-in-law of a civil servant..

well, that's right, who doesn't like it,

what am I, who daily struggles with wood and machinery..

no one looked at a person like me who did not have this pensioner.." Damar's voice was weak.

" You look down on yourself too much?!"

" i am low in your eyes,

I should have known from the beginning, you must have been uncomfortable picking me up with a car that old..

I didn't treat you well?

that's why you never counted on me? didn't they?"

" You misunderstood me??" kinanti said, but it seemed that Damar was no longer willing to listen, he got up from his chair.

" That's enough, I know where I am..

you're right, just forget what happened to us, as an adult of course that kind of physical touch is common to you,

I'm gonna try to be the old Damar, though,

who just watches you from far away, and will not bring any more feelings between us" he said calmly, then walked away.

he left Kinanti's house without saying goodbye to his mother as usual.

While Kinanti, he could not say another word, he just looked at the back of Damar who disappeared behind the fence.

Today is really hard thought Kinanti, but he must be firm, he does not want to be a woman who plan.