Colorless Aurora

sheet by sheet

Noe had not been to this place for a long time, but he still remembered a thing that I myself had forgotten about, I used to be someone who was silent and more silent, demanding nothing, demanding nothing, because to me, my world was only in sheet by sheet the paper of the books I always read and the first meeting with him in first grade elementary school what happened back then was that he was tearing up books intentionally as I read it and said,

"Hey, you've always held your book, what's interesting in it, "That's what Noe said when I was 7 and I first got to know him,

I was still silent, with a calm look I opened the bag and picked up another book for me to read, Noe took it back, I took another, I took another, he asked when he saw how many books he was holding,

"Oi as much as you carry a book ." Noe and beside him were already stacked dozens of books, said Noe,

"Ah, what you're holding is only half of it ." I said I was surprised,

And in the end, Noe stopped because he was too tired to hold all those books, more clearly it was all books from the teacher to share on the first day of school for the first grade and I brought it, it was the beginning I knew him, day by day, day, each of his misadventures that ended up disappointing me, made him give up and I don't know when Noe started following me, but starting the day with the two of us who were always together made me realize he was my best friend,

It was as if I was recalling this insignificant thing in my brain, seeing it that was still acting foolishly with all its ridiculous behavior, until I finally never understood about all the ways of this man's mind, even looking at him who was playing a 6 x 6 cube rubik confusedly turned all the boxes in all directions, whereas I myself saw him,

"If you only think of collecting one color first then until whenever other colors will not collect, "Said I saw Noe filled with confused gazes,

He gave up and threw my rubik on the mattress, his face looking disheveled, either from thinking about the mystery box or thinking about all the schoolwork he had not touched, yes maybe only he and God know, I don't have to think about it so complicated about this man's life, because the more I think about it the more I don't know the direction of all his thoughts,

"An, did you know Sina yesterday I saw him being shot, upperclassman." Noe said excitedly,

"Ah, I'm not surprised ." Answer me with a flat expression,

Noe looked strangely at me, like a strange incident when I was not surprised to hear the big news that was widespread and electrifying this entire school, he said,

"Indeed you're not jealous An ." Noe kind of lured me into this conversation,

He asked me something I didn't need to answer, because for my mind with sina was limited to friends since childhood and grew up together .

"Why am I jealous, I'd be happy if she could turn feminine ." An answer that Noe might not want to hear, though,

Noe who approached by rubbing his hand against my back, pushed my body like to cry on his chest,

"What does this mean ." Asked me by trying to let go of his hand, and he still rubbed my back,

"If you want to cry, cry I will still be your best friend ." That's Noe's answer, though,

What does that mean, I don't understand the excess words, assume I have feelings for sina ?,

"Oi, I don't have any feelings for sina other than as a best friend since childhood, "

Noe who heard that immediately threw my body at his own pace, even to the point of rolling over, but fortunately did not hit anything, he said,

"Of course you haven't had any feelings ... ." Ask a possibly curious Noe,

"No." Cut me straight out in expressionless reply,

"Pun to Sina ....Quick, once you answer it ." He screams a little depression, though,

Yes, from the first time I met him, what I felt was not love, was a little special, just that, he was like my best friend or if more specifically sina like an older sister to me, however, between Nagisa and Sina I know they are not familiar, because until now Sina never came to my house, about three weeks, he said,

"Yes, I don't think about it much myself, whether she's going to have a boyfriend or not, as long as no one hurts her I'm calm ."

"If you say that, doesn't that mean you have any special feelings for her and who dares to hurt her, I'm even more worried about her boyfriend ." Noe said giving me an idea of what was going to happen,

"Yes, you're right ." Laugh at us both,

"Are you close to Rina ?." Directly Noe changed the topic to another woman,

"Rina, ah ..he, you can say that, "I said honestly, she said,

Noe saw me sharp, watching every inch of my face, it was strange if I said close to someone while the meaning of the word near he knew was not like what was in his brain,

"Don't take it that close because I like it, "I said answering that look in the eye,

He tilted his head and asked,

"Indeed why are you so close to Rina ." A question full of curiosity,

"Yes, maybe ...."

I was thinking about what my best friend was asking me, and the answer to that was just now I was thinking, now,

"Oi, why is it ." Noe shouted as if immediately hearing his answer,

I still think with that question, to myself who very rarely do troublesome things, even to someone I knew yesterday, and that ....

"I don't know why either ." That's my answer, though,

Noe heard it, shook his head unorthodoxly, took his breath and exhaled with unclear intent,

"Here it is, there is no need to think too hard, for love does not need thought or logic comrade ." That Noe said with his eyes that looked disgusting,

"Yes maybe you're right, but ..if you keep thinking about the thing that pisses me off, maybe tomorrow I'll erase all the data you have inside my laptop ." I said I stopped him smiling,

His face turned pale, he was surprised by the words I said,

"Yes, in the mp3 music folder and the folder do not open ." I firmly say it, though,

"Don't An, don't "Noe like begging, please,

I don't need that much of a deal actually, but her highly romanticized attitude in my life irritated me a little, she questioned 'when to have a boyfriend', for me to ask her myself 'I don't want to hear that question from you 'yes that's how I get angry when someone asks me this story of my love, even if I myself think of someone I love then it's Aurora,

"I want to help him, he wants to achieve his expectations, whereas I don't want to give in, I teach him everything I can, if his expectations are stronger to be able to achieve them, I teach him everything I can, then I want to see how hard he fights ." I said after getting the answer,

Noe opened my bedroom window, which is indeed the wind today is a little strong because of the meeting of spring and summer so this moist wind makes me sweat even more when in the room,

"You're still having issues with it, because you can't fix your broken hopes, so...." Noe said without continuing,

I understood the meaning of his words, maybe they were, this turned out to be very clear, not a sense of pity, a sense of disdain or maybe something else, because I already knew the answer, myself, but I hid behind my own arrogance, until I answered him,

"Yes, you're right, this is because I tried to escape my own failure when my hopes were shattered and hoped that by helping him I could atone for my sins ." That's what I said with such a deep feeling,

Yes this is why I would love to see him fight for his hope, yes, because if I could see that hope come true, I could forgive myself for all the mistakes I could not fix all this time, as I said what came to my mind, Noe did not notice, he saw a photo of the album on my bookshelf,

"Hey, An look at this ." Noe said with a photo in his hand,

A photo he showed was of two women side by side, holding each camera and dressed in high school, who photographed it was not important to me, the woman with short shoulder-length hair, it was my mother while who was next to her was the question for me while that face was very familiar if I looked at it, as I had seen it over and over again, a gentle warm smile like a twilight and a gleam of light, a skinny wrist with his finger like a curtain, I could see it, I could see it, every inch of his body image, because it's like I know him, yes I know who he is.