Colorless Aurora

merely

What we have ever felt, a time where all has been fought for but not gained anything, or perhaps when the body does not have the strength to continue fighting and it makes all hope destroyed.

I once felt it, the moment that the person I expected to continue to be next to me then left and it shattered all hope.

My own mind and life, what I saw was the hope of continuing to live this complicated life.

Rina was still trying to reach to the life she hoped for, only to keep going forward getting that little bit of hope, I once told her.

"I can't give up on this, it's just that I can give you a chance to try to get it."

What I mean by 'trying' and 'getting it' is his hard work, the extent to which he will strive to be able to defeat me and get what he wants, he said, which is to be ranked first in school and get a scholarship to continue school to the undergraduate level, get a living allowance for himself and his family, I asked a little.

"Why does he want that scholarship so much ." I murmured in my heart .

It was missed when what I promised to teach him was the level of learning so that he could be equal.

A house that is simple, even simpler to say simple, with a size of 4 x 6 meters and all the noise of his younger brother, with an even amount of the same as a volleyball team .

"Sorry, this is my house, sorry if it's cramped and noisy ." Rina after opening the door .

"Ah, it's okay ." I smiled .

Surely the first step from the front door when I entered, I was greeted with dozens of books thrown to and fro.

"Oh, Ana, Ren, don't fight ." He doesn't apologize to his sister.

Two young children, aged eight and seven, are fighting a cold war between the two camps over a dispute over the textbooks they have drawn.

On the other hand the male who was probably the second oldest child was busy with his television, as well as keeping the smallest brother who kept crying, the latter came closer towards me and said.

"Ah, her boyfriend's sister is ." Said a little boy knew what he was about four years old.

A misunderstanding that does not make me dizzy, because this misunderstanding is common if a man comes to visit a woman's house .

"It's an amazing thing, Rina." My murmur when I see every hassles that occur in this narrow house reminds me of an estuary and I myself feel that if this is something beautiful to see.

"You have a great family ." I said with a laugh .

"Yes, this is more than great, it's so incredible." Answer with a smile .

In this noise I was a little envious and murmured ...."Yeah, not like me ."

Lina looked at me, in saying I was just thinking if she heard that indistinct voice .

"Ah ain't nothing"

"Sorry, let's start." Said Rina with a tone of spirit but still lowered her face.

But when I wanted to prepare everything to start my extra lesson, I realized that there was no place in this room for us to sit. Looking at everything that was piled up, I fell silent and smiled to myself, until a feeling when my pants were pulling him from below .

"Sister, sister."

She the little girl the fourth sister, came to see me again with her innocent look

"Sister, sad yes ." His little hand rubbed my face .

If I could feel, why could this little one see what was invisible, the hand touching my cheek rubbed it like there were tears dripping down .

"Ah no, Brother is not sad ." I shook .

Until Rina took the little sister, carried her and said.... "Yes, Nia don't cross out An's face."

Therefore, what I felt like those tears, felt sticky when I touched it and it turned out that indeed, this was glue .

"Really, I can be tricked by a plain face ." Said me limply.

"Well, how friendly ." Lina's face looked red and was turned away from my gaze.

This is a troublesome misunderstanding of course .

"Rina, are there any guests ." A woman's voice so heavy .

A woman with all her wrinkled face came out from behind the curtains of the room. Seeing her who might be fifty years old was like she was sick, Rina approached, embraced and brought her back into the room .

"Mom, don't come out first, you'll get sick." The feeling of Rina who might be worried .

I can feel and understand why he wanted to get that scholarship, it's not for a reason. But it becomes a necessity.

All to reduce a heavy weight seen in every facial wrinkle of the woman he calls the mother .

We studied outside the house, all the books piled up on the side made me understand about the hard work he had been doing all along.

Like I used to love PR maths instead of playing ball. But he is hard work because that is what he has to do .

"Sorry An, why aren't you bothered by my situation like this ." Said Rina who was still writing all the formulas in the book .

He said it with his face still glued to the matter in his book and I answered ...."Yeah maybe because I wanted a situation where I could call this a family."

He left his gaze to the book and turned towards me who was leaning against the wall, facing the sky.

From inside the house, the mother with a buffet of warm tea water in the glass brought me, but Rina quickly took it from the mother's hand .

"Mom don't push yourself, later you get sick ."

"Ah no, at least this is just tea water ." Said the Mother with slightly trembling hands .

But I didn't see him 'just ', this is hot water he just cooked and poured into a new tea.

I realized that even to make tea every day the mother still thought, is still enough to cook food.

I smiled to receive his kindness .

In the time that keeps going, giving and receiving each other, the book drifts because it is too dizzy to think of the right answer.

Until unknowingly the time has delivered the sky to be a little faded, seeing the clock that has shown at four in the afternoon, I told Rina who is still working on every problem I give.

"It seems to be enough for today ." I put the book in.

He saw me standing up after putting it all in, as he prepared to leave, a little boy of course maybe he was the second younger brother of the youngest to approach me again and I picked him up.

"Did you know, sister Rina always worked hard, Nia was afraid that Lina's sister was sick ." Nia said with her innocent face .

"Yes, I know ." Replied the still smiling Rina .

I smiled hearing that, indeed what I saw was a small hand to achieve a big dream.

But a slender hand with a pencil was like it was bound by a strong chain and made him realize even hard work could not take him anywhere.

Even to achieve a dream.

Getting away and away, leaving the girl with her hopes, I thought of giving up and giving her a scholarship opportunity, just that ...

"She'll be angry and won't accept if I do that ." I murmured a little thought.

From the footsteps I've been instigating, various types of humans I've passed. The man who keeps trying and in the end gets nothing.

It was me seeing it, Aurora, Rina, Nagisa and even Sina, what it already made me like to think of this feeling.

If I find this troublesome, I can't do much, because I've never gotten what I wanted even though I tried as hard as I could.