Colorless Aurora

Pessimistic girl

If we think of an effect then we have to look for the cause, maybe the parable would have no smoke if there was no fire.

It can be a reference, about a result of what we get or rather a karma.

In my life everything is karma, I was always afraid, I always imagined if I could not get a perfect value then the shadow of mother always appears.

Keeping me from behind, the figure of the woman I called my mother, crying in my soul, mother's grief will make me crumble and fail in this life I live.

I remember when Noe said something I never thought of.

"An, what do you think you're going to tell me ?." That's what Noe said in class and was doing math.

Of course, it is also not a question of one of the subjects, especially algebra or alogarithms.

Hearing what Noe asked, I just kept quiet, put down my book and pencil, I thought harder.

Because until now, I still have not thought about the future, while for me, the future is the land of the middle of nowhere, a place far untouched, it takes so long and a long process, he said, just to set life goals.

Little heart maybe I am a little jealous of every ideal that all my friends want, they all dare to make a decision.

Even so they little understand for what life is lived, so far for the sake of an ideal, the chance of success that will be obtained is less than ten percent.

But on the contrary with me, even I who try to get perfect grades can not see what is seen in my future.

Desires, dreams and minds, everything is vague, even dark, since my mother closed her eyes, I realized how far I had walked and now I was lost, just to go back I don't know where,

Behind everything I have, there is only emptiness and it scares me to think that by changing things will get better.

And when the school hours were long over, I was still standing waiting for someone in the old building, which is now used as an extracurricular room.

It looked so quiet when the school's hour had passed, seeing a woman coming with her head lowered.

"I think I know him ."

As soon as the word I muttered as I saw the woman approaching, the closer, my reflection of someone became clearer.

Yeah, I've seen the way she walks and reminded me of the part-time worker Rina who always apologizes.

"Sorry to keep you waiting" the first word he said with embarrassment, I guessed it, though I was still shocked to see how he might be the one.

"It turns out you went to school with me, I was surprised ". I said it like I don't believe .

"I'm sorry, so really you just realized it this time ." His face did not believe what I said.

"Yes, what a surprise ." Answer me a little more calmly.

Black clouds began to envelop Rina's head, her pessimistic attitude mode came out.

"Oi'm sober, back to reality ." Shake me on Rina's shoulder.

So she who always followed me for some time and the person I promised to meet was Rina.

I don't even remember her being in class with me, so the aura of presence she had seemed thin, that I didn't even realize that Rina was sitting in the same clear.

"So what do you want to know ?."I asked without a stale base I immediately went to the core of the meeting with Rina.

But somehow Rina's shy attitude came up, when she was about to answer my question.

"I'm sorry, but for a few weeks I've been watching you, what you eat, when you leave, how long you daydream and what you keep doing, but I still don't understand why you can get a perfect score ." Replied Rina with a look down.

I don't understand this girl's way of thinking, it's just, what she's doing is more like a stalker in my opinion.

Even if Rina did that for years, she would not be able to get an answer to that question .

"Oi. what I eat, doesn't determine I can get a perfect score you know." I said a little annoyed.

"I'm sorry, so what's wrong, why you who are just lazy can be the first rank, while I've been trying so hard can't catch up to you." Asked Rina who I thought was a little insulting to me.

Hoping to be something, but she couldn't get it, naturally I only have one answer from Rina's question.

"You see, to me this is like karma." Anwser me.

"Sorry what you mean." Lina asked in embarrassment.

"Since I've never known anything other than textbooks, like I like maths more than football and it's just to make someone I love smile... he always smiles, when I show perfect grades ."

Surely he was confused to hear the long story I said, the more visible Rina's face did not know anything.

"Until now I'm still in the ghost of that feeling, I'm still thinking, if I can't get the perfect score the feeling of guilt and the image of her crying always comes, I'm still thinking, if I can't get the perfect score, therefore I always thought of getting it, whereas for me, the value is only a measure of human standards, nothing more." I told all of that to Rina.

"I'm sorry, but why can't those of you who don't seem to learn continue to rank first ?.".Asked him with a downcast face .

"So do you think it's just a coincidence?, of course not, since childhood what I've learned is already more than undergraduate university material, no, so I can still remember every formula in High School lessons easily. " I made it clear I said it .

Lina was silent, hearing my answer, as if it was answering what she wanted to know, but I think this is nothing more than nonsense, I let Rina accept the reality of this life.

"But for me, only with this can I make my mother who has not smiled eternally in her long sleep ."

When I say that, it's like I don't want to continue this conversation. Is Rina going to give up on usurping the first rank or still fight to be able to defeat me.

It was his choice and I would not make all this penance, for it was only by obtaining this value that I felt my mother smiling in eternity.