Colorless Aurora

boredom

It doesn't take much time to get bored, in a matter of weeks, it makes me feel like everything I do is a waste of time.

One by one, the things I had done came and disappeared so quickly, that I myself did not understand since when I was in this kind of situation.

Just look, want, do and forget .

Although I am not saying that it all stops halfway, every time I have seen the finish line of my wish, something in my heart says .

Yes, all this is enough, I go  .

Continuing on like going with the flow of life, going nowhere will bring all my soul.

Just passing by to stop and then go .

But maybe one day, there must be something that will not bore me, until I find it, all dreams and goals will just drift in this stream .

"Hoaaammm ".

Even after everything I did today, I still let out a heavy sigh for me to exhale again .

I want to sleep.

Long before I was in this boredom, I never understood what it was like to enjoy.

Sometimes I feel that everyone is always leading me to follow what they want.

I was just like a doll, I was being played, thrown to and fro, I was moved by a smiling face with falsehood. I was given a screenplay to be able to act according to their wishes.

I summarized every set of data from the stories of various kinds of people, of course I have my own story.

A falsehood, like my life, follows the chosen path without being able to resist.

I'm deceiving myself.

I can just shut up and do everything to be what my parents want me to be, even though I don't blame him and I don't mind.

Of course I realize, a family just wants to see the future of a happy child, that's what they want and I really understand.

But far from it, no matter what the wishes of his son were and what he expected, no one asked about it.

Just knowing what the future will be, maybe being a mathematician it can make their child's future guaranteed.

By calculating the financial rate and business shares, then happiness has been obtained. There's nothing wrong.

Some people, maybe getting a steady job with a decent salary is enough, even if it is just a minimarket cashier.

It's like they've thrown away the dream, because there's no reason to fight, because in society, the ideal is just a question from a teacher in a language lesson.

"For now, I want to be a pilot, doctors are fine, lawyers can be, or even a minimarket cashier, it doesn't seem bad." That's what I said in elementary school.

All of that is just nonsense and full of falsehood, until without them knowing it, the purpose of their lives is long gone.

They go with the flow of life in the majority society to earn a living for the sake of survival .

At the age of twelve, I only understood what the result of the multiplication of logarithms or the system of energy calculations in physics was .

Repeated and repeated every formula the same every time, only numbers and letters, nothing else. Like the.....

'Million possibilities in science, not applicable in the absolute results of mathematics ',

I realized that my way of life was like that, I didn't choose a possibility, I just did something absolute.

My father once said .

"Life is about value, the higher your value the more you are valued by society.".

That's what he said, I understand, I'm aware, and I don't blame that.

Since he never expected his son to be underestimated by others, he wanted to make his son a great person and I can't blame him.

I know, dad's the same, too,

fighting for his pride as a father for a happy future for his son .

Until there was a time when rebellious desires came out, changing my every view of like life as I wished .

I woke up from the daydream. In class, every eye is on me.

I noticed the next bench friend, Noe who looked happy with a smile.

Sensing the gripping aura of being intimidating, aware that I had done something life-threatening in this situation, I noticed Noe's face again and heard a mystical voice.

"Ehem "

I dare not look ahead, because I know someone has been standing in a shoe knocking repeatedly .

"Ehem".

The sound was heard again, making my heart pump blood faster , making me want to leave this class immediately .

"For the time being, you keep daydreaming, so are you ready for execution right now, Yoan".

A gentle yet frightening voice, like threatening, felt that my life depended on the answer I was about to say .

"Sorry teacher, for now I still can't do it, because the test of my life is still long for the next eighty years and I still haven't finished it .".

I don't know what I'm feeling, it's just that this teacher traumatized me and I don't want to remember it .

"Please look ahead, yes ."

Said a beautiful teacher beside me, she said that with a smile brought close to my face.

It's just, it's not a sincere smile full of attention, but a pushy sign that says, 'if you don't want to get into trouble, always pay attention to this lesson .'

Maybe that's what he said in the meaning of his smile, I really can't imagine what would happen.

Back the teacher stepped forward, a soft voice with a thick book in his right hand, only to the extent of indicating that he was a teacher.

Whereas in reality, he would use a thick, four hundred-page book titled 'how to deal with troubled disciples', one of which was by throwing it at every student who was trying to find trouble.it was really effective, really, it is simple and can be done by even housewives.

But somehow I always wanted to face myself towards the sky, seeing endless things.

The further, the more things I don't know, I understand, the meaning of this all in my life.

I am nothing more than someone who is only good at above ground, while above the sky still has a variety of amazing things.

I want to see that .

In every single thing I know about the sky and the sky, it all points to the mind of a genius. They think about how cause and effect work.

Using Newton's law to measure gravity?.

Using a vacuum simulation to research how space works?.

Or it may be doing calculations in coulomb law to find out the results of measurements about the charge points of the solar system created by the almighty.

All of that is still impossible to uncover the secret of the perfect creation of an almighty God and until the day of the apocalypse no one will know the secret of HIS creation.

All cannot be explained by simple logic, as the scientists say.

If I can, I always want to ask .

'Why still no one can create a single handmade world.'

All just thinking about the difficult things that never end, while thinking of a simple life can be so complicated.

That is human, just like me .

Far from what I thought, I never knew what life would be like. Therefore, my gaze upon this sky is nothing more than to ask myself .

"So far, what have I understood ?."

The answer may be .

“I still don't understand anything, about this life .“

Breathing in and being exhaled is the simplest way of proving that we are alive, even if we do not understand life, again and say .

"Aaaahhhh I want to sleep ."