Sky overcast

Luka

"Wounds"

Where are the traces of love? Where are the long trail?

The wind never answers all the questions..

Sad tears to tears

When the heart dims

That's where bitterness and heartbreak happens..

Some options are pictured

None of them have character

Until you choose to fall

And don't wanna jump out

Though the breath is still waiting for something..

It is better to keep grasping the rock at the bottom of the abyss

Close your eyes and pretend to be blind forever..

Kinara Adnan Hussein. September 8th, 2019

I wrote a poem this morning. And that is indeed the usual thing I do, when the turmoil in the heart just returns. I'd rather tell you what I feel with a piece of paper. In addition to my close friends.

I even wore my full school uniform this morning. But I prefer to stay seated near the window of the apartment room.

A little disappointing about my behavior. My habit of smoking. I hate my life now, but I don't. As a child, I was like this. And today, it feels like it's all really over. I heard that my father is getting married tomorrow. Yes, after mom and now dad.

I prefer to live in my father's apartment. Because I can't live in one house with my own half-brother and mother. It felt so amused to see her making out with another person she called her husband now. Even with my father I never saw them do that. Totally disgusting.

I got back up from my seat, took a picture in the closet drawer. I smiled, sat back down and exhaled a faint smoke into the air. Throw away all the trouble that exists. Haha, I can't stand the feeling of remembering my childhood. I liked a kid who was my age too. His head is bald, and his teeth are toothless. I really like it. Now I don't even know how. After they moved out of town.

"Hallo?" I put the picture next to the window.

"You're not in today?" Hem, I can only answer that.

"Will come to the apartment. Take Wahid too."

"Yes. Did you forget that we have new friends? Adam can't come?" Oh yeah, I almost forgot about it.

I put my phone back on, and I pecked the matches again. I don't know how much I've spent on cigarettes.

He's Maemunah. Close friend, close friend. And Wahid, he's the same. Those who understand my life. I understand my family story. And recently, I also made a new friend. He's Adam. I have no problem being friends with anyone. As long as it doesn't ruin my life.

Mom, she should be the softest woman I've ever known in my life. But, mom never cared. And so is my father. They've been fighting since I was a kid. I was even taken to a psychiatrist, because of severe trauma that disturbed my mentality. I was 12 years old at the time. Yeah, I remember that.

"Dad promise dear, father will not fuss with mother. You must be eager to heal." My father's words were ringing in my ears.

"Nara, mommy is also dear. I'm sorry, son." And that only happens for one day. They keep fighting. I felt as a child that I could not put together the love between them. Maybe they never loved each other. And one day, dad was caught going alone with another woman. They decided to divorce.

"Mother please, don't ma'am." There is no one word that makes them affected by my situation.

It all happened one year ago, right where I finished reporting my class. Since then, I have decided to never believe in love, to know love, let alone to think of making a household.

I took my little picture back. Yeah, I just liked it first. But even now, if I met him, I could only like him as a friend. I really buried my heart for love. It wasn't me who had failed, but my father and mother who made the greatest lesson about marriage. And my trauma will not go away at any time. Being friends with the opposite sex for me is not a problem, instead I am happy. But for love, sorry. I want to live like this. With my solitude and all the pain I have. Enjoying the old man's treasure, haha was just that. But not the love of them.

I lay in place without changing uniforms first. Just about to close my eyes, I heard my phone ring. I looked towards the screen. No, I hate him, don't I? I put it back. And it seems like dad didn't just give up. Until I got sick and picked it up.

"Nara, didn't you go to school today? Dad's at school. Though, I mean, you came home with me and stayed the night. Because tomorrow morning I'll have the wedding." Deg. You stupid dad! I cursed without a sound. My tears are dripping, I hate.

"Sorry yeah. I can't come. Without me, everything would be done." I pressed the screen and put it back. Oops, I almost forgot. If you do not deactivate the phone. I'm sure you'll continue to persuade me.

I could only hear the clanking of the clock on the wall of the room. No other sound, I'm here alone. Every day, not eating is my business. My mother never asked me that. I don't know where I started sleeping. And woke up to hear the sound of the bell ringing many times. I jumped, shocked. I'm sure it was them who came. I got up and immediately grabbed the phone, walking while reactivating it.

"Are you deaf, Nara?" Wahid had already started protesting once I opened the door, he walked in curiously while grumbling and dropping his body on the sofa. Followed by Munah and Adam.

"Nara, thirsty." Maemunah, he stroked her neck.

"Hey, you guys came just to make me like a maid huh?" Not feeling guilty, but instead they laughed at me walking towards the kitchen.

"Crazy yeah! Still in uniform, not even going to school anymore. Remember woi, we're about to graduate." I was indifferent, sitting on one leg and back pecking matches.

"We're watching Drakor, right? Adam's got a lot of movies on his laptop." Oh my God, they've planned this. Even everything was prepared. With some snacks and a laptop owned by Adam.

"When have you guys liked Drakor?" Huh, I exhaled again the smoke towards the top.

"Since becoming friends with Adam. You see, he's even styled like Oppa Korea." Cih, I can only snort. Wh why? Because I know, all the scenes are fulgar uncensored. I hate everything that smells about love.

"Nara, I'm going to take a ride in the bathroom, okay?" I smiled and nodded. Why does it look like Adam is disinclined anyway.

"Nara, you don't know. Adam became the wrestler ciwiciwi in school loh. You're old Elena too, aren't you? They're close now." Just now that Adam left, Munah has directly issued his uneg-uneg.

"Don't gossip!" Slowly hit Munah's head with a sofa cushion. "This is how it is, even use it in the lock of everything else." Wahid was getting upset.

"Just try to open her date of birth." They even looked at me. Asking when Adam was born, I recalled the time Adam introduced himself and there was a prank asking for the date of birth and complete with the month and year.

"Ah right, to open." Wahid, he's a rich kid. His parents were businessmen like my father. But he's super irritable, and stingy. "Eh what is this? File memories." Me and Munah also saw.

"Don't open it." Adam grabbed his laptop. Duh, so stingy. I'm curious too. It must have been a photo as a kid.

"Definitely have a picture of you with Elena, huh Dam?" Adam quietly did not answer, and preferred to shift the subject. Ask me if I have an infocus? To watch it more satisfied.

I went back into the room, and brought back the infocus and the cable. I'd rather play the phone, than have to watch. I don't care what they do now either.

"Nara, close the curtain dong." I was really made like a maid when they came.

Speaking of housemaids, I also seem to want to. It's just that I'm prestigious and always refuse if dad offers. Because I feel more comfortable living alone. I'm not afraid, even though they scare me a lot. He said there was a ghost apartment. What lah. I still don't care. The words I don't care about I learned from my mom and dad. If you fight, you always say that.

Uh my apartment is dark. And I could clearly hear strange noises. Yes, the sound came from the movie they were watching right now. Original, I don't know what it means.

"Aaaa. they kiss." No, I'm really not interested in it just looking at it.

"Zor." Ha's? Whose voice is it, damn it! I managed to turn my head, it turned out that Wahid was idly talking and finally even a pillow with Maemunah.

"Eh, lower the volume. My dad called." They turned their heads towards me. Then I put my index finger on their lips so they don't make any noise. Even though I know they come often.

"Yes yeah?"

"I'm not in the apartment. I'm out again." Sorry, I had to lie.

"Then, let me know if you're home." All right, as soon as I answer and immediately turn off the phone.

Want anything else? Does Dad keep insisting that I come to his trinket? And see her smile happily with another woman who is definitely not my mother? Don't you think about my feelings?

"Nara? Already or not?" I gasped, shocked. Turns out I was daydreaming. They all looked at me, waiting to talk. I just nodded. With the exception of my confused face.

Suddenly I stood up and opened the curtain, revealing the entire contents of the apartment. And, the three of them directly charged at me. Grumbling is unclear. Whatever!

"Why did you open the curtain?"

"Nara, soon there's a kissing tau scene!"

"We're party tomorrow night!" They instantly fell silent. Looking at me from head to toe. Wh why? I looked at my own body.

"You're the birthday? Isn't it still a long time?" Munah scratched his head. I laughed, and sat down next to him. I started talking by breathing.

"Tomorrow my father is married. So, rather than me having to be present at the trinkets."

"I know what that means." Wahid cut my conversation. She smiled happily, definitely thinking it was free and I paid. I can guess about that.

Plans and plans are in place. The clock and place are also set. The film they should have watched until it ran out was noisily useless, forgotten already. The voice that I did not know meant even to be a rival to our voice. I managed to divert them and turn off the movie that was being played.

"I'm sorry, I can't come!" Adam was not interested. Maybe he's a good kid too.

"Why?" I looked at Adam.

"Tomorrow I have a family event." Well, we were disappointed.

"Eh but I can work on it. I'll follow you after the show with my family is over. It starts in the afternoon."

"Don't lie to you Dam!" Wahid warned him, perhaps he was also afraid that the men themselves were in the club'.

The afternoon after they came home. I didn't call my dad right away. I went out to meet my happiness. No one knows this. Even Maemunah or Wahid, they don't know.

I drove a car, got into a narrow alley in the middle of a crowded city. Turn right and left, it is a bit far to get there. Though usually only in front of the alley, but it seems they do not exist. My brothers, they are my happiness.

I honked, as they sat and drank iced tea. Their smiles instantly expanded, with their messy appearance. I like it instead. To me, I am the same as them. Just different economics.

I immediately opened the car seat, where I had prepared in advance before coming here. Clothes, toys, and food. They are real street kids who have no parents. Living with the cardboard they stack, if it rains they will run around looking for shade. If during the day they usually look for used items or they often call it with butut.

After getting their share of each, we sat under a large tree. The girls on lean with me, while the boys sit around me.

"Sister, tell me again the story of the mother of that time." I smiled and gently rubbed his head. I don't know why it feels so calm with them. Lord, please extend my age to see them.

"Oh yes, I forgot. Just a minute." I took out a small book from my bag. It's a novel, a novel I read a lot. Then I shared his story with them. A novel called Mother, a mother full of struggle. It's like this, I love them. I don't think I just want to write poetry. I want to write a novel too.

I met them 2 years ago. At that time I was allowed to bring a car because I managed to graduate from Junior High with good grades. And, I met those who knocked on the windshield steering the crackle of some money-holding place for anyone who intended to give. My eyes immediately glazed over. Before giving me the money I pulled my car over. Then invite them to talk. At that time there were only two. All I think is that they're just street kids enslaved by thugs. Because what I know in soap operas is usually like that. Apparently not, they live on the streets. Some of their parents left them because of divorce, some of them did not have anyone else. Honestly, my heart is sad. I have intact parents, only lacking affection but not with money. Even I feel more. And from that moment on, I decided to always share the sustenance with them.

"Sister? So the figure of the mother is actually good, brother? But why did you leave me with my sister?" My chest is claustrophobic hearing this question, what do I have to answer now? While I've never felt that. My eyes warmed up, trying to hold back from falling. I'm supplying oxygen slowly. Look at the sky that is getting dark. The current unfriendly wind, he managed to make my tears fall due to his blow.

I stroked the top of the head of the child who was waiting for my answer, it seemed like it was not just him. But everything here.

"There is no bad mother. The proof is that you listened to the story? It's just that the way they give love is different." I don't know what I'm talking about right now. Maybe my mom is like that too?

"That means my mom's good too, brother?" I nodded and smiled. They were too innocent, but they were also strong children. They survived for years on the streets.

In the near future I intend to build a small house for them. Asking father for money. He won't go bankrupt either, I'll look for any reason. Even if necessary I will set aside my pocket money, so that my wish is quickly fulfilled.

"Sister? What kind of pizza is that?" I'm laughing a little. They often ask about food they might see in the street baleho. Or other sponsors.

"Like bread. Eat it with sauce. You want?" They all nodded in unison. Smile and imagine what it would be like to eat pizza.

"I'm not going to buy it, but not now. It's late afternoon." Their dull faces pias. Oh my God, I really don't. But how could I have been here till night.

"Tomorrow, I promise. You guys wait for my sister to go home to school?"

"A promise, brother?" I nodded again. They all hugged me, I also returned the favor. Although my hands were not enough to cupped to hold all 10 of them. Their smells are different. I used to breathe it. I can't imagine if I can't see them again.

Before going home, I also left money for them. "It's for tonight's food and tomorrow's, so tomorrow you're here. Do not cram and do not look for used goods. Just wait till you come." My message before driving. The eldest among them nodded, and he was also the one holding the money.

When I reached the apartment, my eyes caught a figure standing in front of the door. High body sturdy and authoritative. I know him very well. I can only throw a rough breath, how can he be here while I haven't been preaching it since. I lyrics to the side that still show the apartment page. It's getting dark.

"Where have you been Nara? I was waiting for you here an hour ago." Why not just go in? As soon as I answered lazily. Dad followed my steps inside. He was sitting on the sofa in a mess. Indeed, I haven't cleaned up since my friends came home earlier. It's also because I'm lazy.

"Then you have to have Nara's maid!" I went into the room to wash my face. And sit across the couch. I listen to what this guy wants.

"You see that. All messy. What if I want to eat? Must be eating you irregular." I admit it, I care more about me than my mom. The reason he never came to see me here is because it's Dad's apartment. Everything related to her father she didn't want to touch and set foot on. But it shouldn't be so, right? For the sake of the child should be willing to reduce a little ego.

"Yesterday there was a father friend who said, if there is a middle-aged woman who really needs a job." I still quietly listened.

"And I'll bring him here later, after my wedding is over."

"Daddy mean housekeeper?" Father replied with a nod.

"Yes I would, but on one condition." It's time I took advantage of the situation. My brain started working fine.

"Say, if it makes you happy."

"I want to ask for my monthly money, Dad added. And I'd also like to ask for money to buy something."

"Nara, if you need something or want it, I can buy it." I immediately shook my head.

"No, I'd like to buy it myself." Dad sighed, and after that he smiled.

"Say the number, dear." His heart softened if he saw my face instantly turn sullen. That's about money! But if I ask for her back with mom, or like that time ask for them not to divorce. I cried and threatened to kill myself even though Dad never wanted to obey.

"I asked for three hundred million yah." Dad straightened his eyes. "I want to buy something important, yeah."

"Nara, it's not a little."

"I know, because dad's money is a lot. The father of successful entrepreneurs." Dad was silent.

"Yes, I'll transfer to your account." I told you, if it's about money, Dad would want to obey me. And it seems like I was born only to be affectionate with money.

"But you also have to come tomorrow Nara. Auntie Diamond is waiting for your presence." I nodded rather than being asked to stay at his house.

One plan I made was to build a little house for my sisters on the streets. Imagine they will no longer feel cold when the rain falls on the earth. One step toward giving others happiness has already begun. God help me in this.

Seriate..