Short Story (Cerpen)

Dolls

Category: Fiction Fantasy Short stories

Title: Dolls

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I'm still standing here. Yes, I always stand here every day. Every day I put on the same pose. I fell silent in the big glass box, stood wearing a big luxurious kimono, then I smiled, a pitiful bitter smile. I want to live. Every day, I see people moving their legs, while I don't. I want to be like them, not like now, lonely and always silent, not talking to anyone. All I hold in my heart, when mature women come and admire me, the store owner will say that this kimono is permanently fixed on my body and I cannot be bought. The woman said she wanted to buy me at once, but, again, the store owner said that I was a 'luck'. I'll stand here, no matter who wants to buy me, the important thing is that I have to keep my position here. I myself always keep my own position, but the feeling of lack always comes. Finally, every night, I cried, my tears flowed, while my tears would turn into pearls if I dropped them. That's what made them believe, and they took advantage of me without knowing that I still felt pain because I was born in a doll's soul, and I could only be silent, she said, trapped in this body without being able to go anywhere. What I saw in front of me was always a shady garden. I understand animal language, but I can't get them to talk. I can't even move my own eyeballs. That's depressing. Even the beautiful voice that I might have had in my previous life, the memories of the past that were recorded a little in my memory, a little bit of my memory in my previous life, that was so sad; and I ended up being a puppet. Every night, I meet yukidama when it's winter, he'll calm me down. Then I will pray to God that I can be human as before. Then I don't have to let out any more tears, I'll meet my true love and live happily on the mountain until I have to go to see God.

'What can this doll be bought?' ask one of the buyers.

'Sorry, can't.' He said it clearly. 'This doll is a fortune for our store. He's a precious mannequin doll.'

Again, I hear that conversation I hear almost every day. Everyone is always in love with me. But, what does it all mean, that I'm just a doll? If I could just watch people move and find their happiness outside the glass box while I couldn't? Everyone will never understand my feelings. It is my feeling to want to be a whole human being…

When everyone was asleep, when the shop lights were off, when everyone was away while I was still here, looking at my own fate, contemplating this prolonged suffering, I always prayed and cried. I want to get back to my human figure. When I lose someone I love, when I've become a fool for believing in whatever they say, when I'm touched and give everything they have for them, so that he may remain with me, wading through life in the middle of the mountain with my children…

I feel that I am despicable.

Life is hard. I took it with hard work. But why am I so stupid? Why did I end my life and leave my life, why did I have to kill myself so that I no longer remember that so that my figure changed like this? Wh why? I still have hope of living better. Why are my eyes closed? Then I felt I was dead, washed away and could not remember my name anymore, but why was it always remembered?

Then I woke up and I found myself in a glass box; along with the suffering of my past that never wanted to go from my memory. My life suffered even more when I tried to move my eyeballs and my neck to see what was happening, but I couldn't. I could see nothing but what was in front of me. I was still allowed to cry, but I could not scream or howl to ease my sadness.

A long time ago, I was a sweet girl who lived on a mountain, befriended animals and was all very kind to me. I lived there with my father and mother, until they died in the ravine. They fell there, and they're dead. Maybe my mom and dad are still alive, but maybe not. Maybe they are at peace. Perhaps, my sin is too much that the world has not yet accepted my spirit as a part of them. Yes, I realized that I was despicable, I was blameless. I am not a beautiful woman who is still pure heart and good morals as before, I turned into a girl who is shy and negative-minded, always envious of the happiness of others.

Ah, it turns out that this happened because of my own fault. There is no point in complaining. All I thought about was how I could be myself again.

I, from that day on, tried to smile more broadly, regret what I did every day, pray sincerely, and mean it.

On the night of the next day, my heart asked, 'Am I going to be human again?'

Then Yukidama answered my question. 'Yes, you will be human again, fully human. You'll be happy.'

I increased the frequency of my work. Finally, Yukidama gave me glad tidings at the end of winter, that I would become a whole person tomorrow night. Provided, that day you fill your heart and soul to produce more jewels from my tears, so that the generous shopkeeper can distribute them to the less able people.

I did, and it worked. I made it, I could move my neck and my eyeballs. I can also breathe air, my heart beats, my lips can make the first sound after I die. But the rest cannot be moved. I was getting more and more engaged in praying and producing jewels. Every time I pray for others sincerely, and I am moved or sad, I will get a jewel for my work. Then I managed to move my hand. I was exhausted, so I fell asleep, I'll move my legs tomorrow.

I was startled and opened my eyes, putting the original position on it when the shopkeeper opened the door. He looked at me in such a way, saw the jewels, took them, and exchanged them for money, and divided them into envelopes and distributed them. He's a very nice guy.

In the afternoon, I saw a man and a woman who seemed to be lovers, they were so friendly, looking at clothes. I felt like I knew the two of them, but when? Whereabouts? I think it was a long time ago.

When the man's face saw me, he was startled, a glass-banging reflex that blocked me. I was both surprised, but I couldn't show my expression except at night. The man who betrayed me, left me alone on the mountain, hungry, cold, and he just left? His lover?

Suddenly, I felt heartache; all this was in vain; and I took back the good I had done, and I replaced it with a thousand bad things for the man. The gems scattered beneath me melted into blood. Then I could see my feet creeping up, first small, then growing bigger and bigger, creeping up my face, my head, and then I fell down and the glass that kept me from breaking apart for years. I fell, my whole body was filled with cracks. There were tears in the corner of my eyes. Everyone ran off to see this, and then I saw my eyes begin to whiten.

The man floundered. He couldn't say anything, and then he saw his body that had been injured by a glass fragment. She's confused. Then he swallowed the earth. He's gone and he's not coming back. Missing. So will I really die.

Yeah, I'm dead, and now I'm sure I must be the talk of humans in their information media. I was grateful that I was dead, even though I was still half conscious as the reporters scrambled to take pictures of me. Maybe, just. I'm becoming popular now. I might as well be the idea of a horror movie right now. I don't know. One note; I'M DEAD.