Mentari in the Night Sky

Jealous

In my life, I only loved 2 men outside of my family. The first person I loved besides my brothers was Ken. I didn't realize that I loved him so much that he made enough distance to separate us. I only realized how much I loved her as she slowly kept her distance from me. The feeling that grew because I was used to it made me think of it as just an ordinary feeling of love. I always felt calm because in the end he and I were already betrothed and getting married.

But I was wrong…

Ken loves other women, women who make me realize that the feelings I have for him are not just ordinary feelings but also pity and guilt for him. I masked my feelings as soon as Ken approached for the first time after he made the distance. He went back to being the Ken I knew but at the same time I became someone I didn't know. I covered up my feelings, taking it as a secret. But, my former self was someone who was very easy to read. It only took 2 months for him to realize the feeling I had and make it back to a distance. The distance that I knew I would definitely not be able to lose for the rest of my life. But at the end of the day the distance Ken makes me love other people in no time. The distance he made, for the first time in my life I was grateful for it.

I love Alvin, this time not because of a continuous togetherness. In a short time, Alvin made me understand the world, dreams, desires, hopes, and sorrows. My brothers thought my love story and Alvin was just the first love story that would never work and their guess was right. A love that is fast-paced, a love that was never built on a solid foundation, and a love that ends quickly leaves a wound that is so painful and long lasting.

When everyone thought I was going to step forward, find another love. Destiny says something else. The love that was first present in my life is again the love that will accompany me to the end of my life. For those who do not know the story between me and Ken, will only consider our marriage as a necessity and a business that has been established due to the friendship of our parents. But for those who know how our story goes, they deeply regret our decision to be together. For them, the decisions we take will only hurt each other. And of course they are not wrong, because in the end we did hurt each other before we found our feelings.

“What?! You guys lost Young Master?!”

“I'll catch up with you after dropping off Miss Zeta, contact the center to find out where Young Master's phone is located,” continued Mr. Stephan.

I know where Ken is. I know for sure but now I also know if he doesn't want to be disturbed. Should I step or should I step back, I don't know what to do. Loving her back was a choice I could have avoided but I still chose to love her. I still choose to care about him. It seems like I won't be able to retreat, I'm already stuck inside the choices I made.

“Can Uncle take me to the playground where was the last time Ken and I were there?”

Mr. Stephan hung up the phone that was connected earlier. For the first time I opened my mouth to the bodyguard after 3 years. They were not as surprised as I imagined. I think they've heard my voice so much that they're not too surprised. Lately I have been talking to other people.

“Good.”

The car turned towards where I wanted to go. When Ken has found a place that allows him to throw away his troubled thoughts, he will continue to that place until he finds another new place. He always did that even when we were kids. A habit that has been in him for a very long time but that habit remains unknown to others. That habit only I know.

It was snowing as soon as we got to the park. Turning my gaze to the garden, I could see the back of the man who was now playing and chatting with a little child.

“Nona, may I ask?” asked Mr. Stephan before I opened the car door.

Mr. Stephan, or should I mention as Uncle Stephan, looked at me like a father looking at his son. After all, Uncle Stephan has been with me since I was 7. It's only natural that he thinks of me as his son.

“The decision that Miss will take, will it make Miss happy?”

I was stunned to hear his question. A question I never even wanted to ask myself because I didn't know the answer yet but now I'm ready to answer that question. Just a nod I gave in response. I know, from now on I'll be happy. I'm gonna start my life back.

“Thank you, Miss.”

...-----...

“You're not cold?” my many.

“Can you talk to him alone?” he pointed towards Ken.

A nod with a wry smile on the lips was given in response. The little boy picked up his bag that he had put on the swing and stepped away leaving us. I turned my face towards Ken who was now sticking a snowball into my face. Looks like he's okay, I'm worried free and caught up with him.

“Until my face falls apart, I will kill you.”

“You know, I hate you,” he said while keeping snowballs out of my face.

“What because of the ring? I'm just as surprised as you are. I don't know if the ring has returned to its owner.”

“You stare at him.”

Now it's my turn to be silent. I don't know what kind of expression I'm showing her to make her laugh so hard. He threw the snowball in his hand and put his hand on my cheek.

“Don't look at him like that. I'm jealous.”

“Not because of the ring?”

“I know if the ring is still a part of your life. I just hate myself for not being able to accept that. I really want you to forget all about him and run towards me like you used to ask me for help. You just look at me and that's enough for me.”

“I looked at him because he was lying,” I finally said.

Ken raised his hand from my cheek. He took the hot pack out of his bag and placed it on both of my hands. He also blew my hand as if he did not feel the cold I felt. He didn't even respond to my words. I pecked his forehead that was parallel to my mouth. For the umpteenth time I kept silent.

“I can't kiss my husband?” I try to eliminate the awkwardness that arises.

“I really hate you.”

“I know,” I said while putting snow on his head.

I'll be happy.

I will be happy with the decision I made.

...-----...