Mentari in the Night Sky

Re-meeting

“I know what you have in mind,” I said as soon as Ken sipped hot chocolate.

Ken turned his face towards the people who were waiting in line to order. I followed his gaze who was looking at a family or rather a small child standing between his parents. The boy's parents were quite young, it seemed like they were married at the same age as me. The little boy looked back at Ken, turning my eyes to Ken who was now smiling. I looked at the boy's father who was now also watching Ken and me. I only returned her smile when our eyes met.

“Do you now know what I have in mind?”

“A child?” answer me innocently.

Ken laughed a little. He looked at me with a face I had never seen before. The expression on someone's face was so calm. It's the first time after our wedding I've seen such an expression.

“I want to be able to love you like that man loves his wife.”

I turned my gaze back to the couple who were now waiting for their order. The husband continued to hold his wife's hand and occasionally wrote something on the palm of his wife's hand. The wife only smiles every time her husband finishes writing something in her hand.

“The woman could not see.”

“Hah?” reply surprised.

“The woman had previously brought a stick. I saw them on the street when we bought flowers. They had a big fight, the man left his wife alone and took their child. After 5 minutes, the man came back and brought a flower he bought at the store where we bought the flowers. I don't know what happened after that, but seeing them right now seems like they're better. Do you know what the reason for their quarrel was?”

“Why?” I asked as I looked back at the couple.

“Her wife asked for a divorce because she felt inappropriate for her husband and child.”

I was silent to Ken's reply. I understand how it feels, the feeling when others are better than me to accompany someone. I wanted to give up then and that's why I asked Ken to run away from me. When I feel inappropriate, the slightest problem will always be the starting point of a big fight. At the beginning of the marriage I kept making small arguments into big fights only to make Ken angry and finally give up on me.

I didn't marry her because I loved her. At that time, I think he married me not because he loved me but because of his guilt. The feeling of not being worthy to be in someone's life plus the absence of love makes me want to end it all as quickly as possible even if that ending would ruin my life. However, the man who was now sitting in front of me always prevented the end from happening. He always ignored the signs of the end of our relationship. He always made the ending I made a new beginning for us and made me want to not always start over.

“Don't you already love me like that man loves his wife?” my many.

“Really?”

“You didn't give up when I made trouble to end our marriage.”

Again, Ken laughed. He extended his hand towards me and rubbed my head. He sipped hot chocolate again, leaving half of the cup. I put my hot chocolate in his cup. I remember she always did things like this when we were in elementary school. He stopped doing it when we were in 8th grade and slowly a distance was formed between us. To this day, I still wonder how we who were so close as children turned into strangers in our teens and now we are back close to even being a couple.

Where did all that distance go?

And why would there have to be a distance if we ended up getting back together?

“I'm not as great as he is to make others feel how much love he has for his wife.”

I looked back at the couple for the umpteenth time and immediately turned my face away when a smile was given by the wife who could not even see me. I think I understand what Ken's trying to say. When other people realize someone's love, I think there is nothing that can describe how much love he has until the unknown person feels that love.

“I go to the toilet for a while,” said Ken disperse my daydream.

Tok.dok..

Someone tapped his finger on the table. I don't have to be so hard at guessing the culprit. Ken always does it to make me stop what I'm working on and refocus myself on it.

“Not usually you fast camp..,” said I stopped once I saw a different eye than I know.

“You have a beautiful voice.”

Alvin put the order he had on the table where Ken and I were sitting. He stepped his foot toward the place Ken had occupied before. I turned my eyes all over the cafe to look for Ken's face.

“Sit down, I won't eat you,” he said after more than 3 minutes of silence watching me.

I didn't budge, I kept my attention focused on looking for Ken. Someone pulled my hand and directly carried my body into his embrace. Someone I was looking for. Someone who might be more surprised than me.

“That's where I sit,” said Ken coldly.

“Ah... I just have to shift, right?” reply Alvin casually while shifting to the seat next to him.

Some visitors started to notice us. The bodyguard who had been across the street, was now in front of the cafe even Mr. Stephan had gone inside. Ken hasn't let go of his embrace. His embrace gets tighter every second.

“Sit down, we make the atmosphere of the cafe gloomy and stop the hug. Looks silly,” continued Alvin so consciously will not get a response from Ken for what he said before.

Ken let go of his embrace and replaced it by holding tightly to my hand. I sat down at the place before and Ken chose to sit next to me. Alvin just smiled with an occasional look at other visitors and gave a smile of his. I can still see how good he is. Even after all his memories were gone, he did not lose his friendly and supple personality.

I kept looking at Ken's face, his face was very calm but his hands were so tight. I kept looking at Ken without paying attention to my surroundings. The cup of hot chocolate beside me was nudged and almost spilled on me if Ken didn't take the cup.

“Be careful and stop looking at me,” he said making Alvin who was enjoying his drink again pay attention to us.

I turned my face to the pile of log books in front of me. Ken, he looked back at me with the same gaze as 4 years ago. A long-lost look at him and a look I hate. Seeing how that gaze had reappeared, I now know for sure what Ken had in mind.

‘Can one's heart really not beat fast when looking back on his past love?’

And….

‘Can one be between two people who are separated because of a fate that does not side with both?’

Questions that always revolve in his head, even when he sleeps. A question he asked me only once. The question that the answer I gave him was always a lie. Questions that never leave us and will continue with us until we come to terms with all the things that happened in the past.

The love story that I ended in my teenage years, re-introduced him after 4 years. The memories of the past that I forced stopped, turning back in my head. Someone I had forgotten with great difficulty, returned to being someone who didn't even know me.

What kind of fate will play us?

...-----...