Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: Bracelets and Rings

"Can Uncle say nothing about my meeting with Natasha today?"

"Miss, I'm sorry, it'll be hard for me."

"Can't Uncle be Zeta's confidant once?"

"I'm sorry."

"..."

I shouldn't have tried to ask Uncle Stephan who is my bodyguard, my father's bodyguard as well. I know exactly where his loyalty lies. I just wanted to try it, I only wanted one person to be by my side. One person other than my mother, hard enough for me.

"If Zeta gets into an accident, will Uncle help Zeta?"

"I'll run before the accident happens. I won't let Miss experience painful things."

"Did Uncle hate Ken?"

"..."

"Zeta hasn't heard Uncle talk about Ken in a long time."

"I promise I won't let you feel the pain, even if it comes from someone else. I'll avenge those who hurt Miss."

I don't want anyone to take away the pain I feel. I just want others to learn the pain of what I feel. I just don't want anyone else to feel the same pain as me.

"Uncle, promise Zeta one thing. No matter what happens, never return the pain that Zeta feels, just protect Zeta from the pain. Can you promise?"

"..."

"Uncle? Zeta please promise me."

"Good, Miss. I promise."

I put my little finger in front of his face. I know he's quite surprised by my actions especially when the car is still driving. I wiggled my little finger until Uncle Stephan finally gave up and linked his little finger.

"Thank you, Uncle."

...-----...

Rings with edelweiss themes and bracelets with lilies, do women really like flowers to make it a part of her life?

I put the two jewels on the dresser and let myself look back at the vast sky. I wonder how far and to what extent this sky stretches. I've always wondered, how can just looking at the sky make my heart calmer? Is it a magic?

Without me realizing my hand was nudging the ring I had placed on the edge of the table. The ring kept rolling until the cupboard stopped it. I put my foot up to the ring. 'Nakamoto', I just realized that the inside of the ring has a carving of the name 'Nakamoto'. I immediately took the ring and put my foot back on my reading table. I took Aunt Lily's bracelet and observed the inside. Again, I just realized that there is a carving of the name 'Parker' on this bracelet.

Tok.

"Ohhhh!!!" I was shocked to hear the knocking on the door.

"Zeta is okay?" ask me to worry.

I think my mother was surprised and opened the door to my room. I just nodded and walked towards the mother who brought my favorite snacks of fish and chips and my favorite drink of chocolate milk. Mother immediately put the tray containing the snack on the table beside my bed bed with my body still hugging mother. As soon as mom finished putting the tray down, she immediately made me sit down and check my temperature.

"It's normal."

"I'm sorry Zeta."

"For what, dear? Pain is a human thing and I'm grateful that you're sick so I can spend a lot of time with you."

I took the fries that were part of the fish and chips and ate them right away. Mom took a chair and sat down in front of me. He cleaned up the leftovers around my mouth several times. At a time like this, I'll show my side to mom. Only when I am sick.

I don't know what caused my fever. Last night my body temperature suddenly increased and it seemed like my father's personal doctor was directly handling me. Each member of the Allison Family has their own doctor, this has been true since the beginning. William said, these different doctors allow our medical records not seen by one doctor only which can later lead to leakage of our body condition.

William once told me all of those things happened because there used to be a family member who bought health information to a doctor that resulted in the death of the original heir. In anticipation of this happening again in the future, the next heir asks that all family members have different doctors. And luckily, the next heir is not a family member causing the previous heir to die. There's a lot of dark things about my family and honestly I don't want to know more.

"Is there anything Zeta thinks about until she finally gets sick?"

I shut my mouth as soon as I answered my mother's question. I don't know what kind of answer to give. Even myself do not know the answer to that question. How can I answer that?

Mom held my hands and went to my dresser. She looked at the ring and bracelet on the dresser for a while before finally bringing it before me. In the right palm of the mother there is a bracelet relic Aunt Lily and in the left palm there is a ring given Alvin. I think you already know that the two jewels are a sign that someone is a companion to the heirs of both families.

"It's hard not to carry both?" mother asked while raising her hand, as if it looked like a scale.

"Zeta just found out that in both jewels was engraved a name," I stopped short of continuing my words.

"What is love according to Zeta?"

"Something that makes Zeta happy?"

"What kind of love makes Zeta happy? Is it just love of the opposite sex?"

I just shook my head.

"Mother is happy because Zeta finally found the dream that Zeta had been looking for. But Zeta, is just giving love the only way for Zeta to repay the kindness of the person who gave Zeta the dream?"

"..."

Mother stepped her foot back to the dresser and put the two jewels back. He slowly opened the curtains, some of which I had not yet opened, because I was disturbed by the sunlight peeping into my room. Now the sunlight fully entered my room. The light that I actually avoided was enough because it was so dazzling.

"Mom never agreed to your match with Ken but neither can I let my best friend beg. Mother always wants you to get the love you want instead of the love that is forced. Love is something that some people find easy to say but not for us. The love that will come out of our mouths will lead us to pain or happiness in the future, people betting on those two feelings and also on regret. But for us, the love we speak of will bring as much trouble as Zeta saw in Ken. Therefore, I asked Zeta to return these two objects to their owner. Don't keep something that doesn't belong to Zeta."

"Can Zeta ask you something?"

"Of course, any question as long as you can answer it."

"How does Zeta know Zeta loves someone?"

"The heart of Zeta will lead Zeta to where she is. Without Zeta realizing it, Zeta will move towards the person Zeta loves. Let it all flow on its own and do not force yourself Zeta by constantly thinking that 'she is someone I love' because of it, without Zeta realizing it makes Zeta forced to love that person. And if fate permits, fate will help Zeta to walk toward the one Zeta loves."

"..."

"From now on, I want Zeta to focus on Zeta's dream. Pursuing the dream that Zeta had been searching for so hard."

"Thank you, Mother," I said as I hugged my mother.

Mom kept hugging me until I finally let go of the hug. He gave his gentle gaze which he always gave to his children. I wonder behind that gentle gaze if there is a story behind it that I did not know until now. I wonder if there's any great sacrifice that mom made behind her gentle eyes.

"Want to help you knit?"

I immediately shook my head. All this time I have never succeeded once in knitting. Holding a knitting device like a hakpen or a breien I still haven't succeeded. Behind my failure, my mother always made me continue to learn knitting because she wanted in the future I could make clothes for my own child with my hands like she did for her three children. And it seems like it has become a hereditary thing in the mother's family.

Mom walked towards my closet and opened the bottom. A wooden box came straight out of his place towards where I was sitting. Various kinds of yarn and knitting tools neatly arranged in the box. After 2 months, the knitted box finally came out of its darkest place. Mother immediately thrust the hakpen to me, inevitably I accepted it.

"Zeta, that's not how you hold it. Put the handle of the hakpen in your hand just like you would in a pencil. Zeta's thumb must be above the hakpen. The rest of the finger to hold the hakpen," said the mother, holding my hand, exemplifying how to hold the right one.

"Is this comfortable?" ask mom after hakpen I got hold of her.

I just nodded. Mom immediately hinted that I would start knitting, of course I just silently pecked at the fingers of a mother who had been trained in knitting. Without me noticing I exhaled very hard and dropped both my hands on my thighs.

"Zeta gave up" I said at last.

"Hmm?" reply mom while smiling.

I immediately laid my body on the bed so free myself from knitting tools. I haven't closed my eyes yet, my mother's face is right on top of mine. He smiled a little before lying down next to me. As I expected from my mother, she never forced anything on me nor on my two brothers. He just wants us to enjoy every second of our lives without any burden.

"If Zeta continues like this, everyone who doesn't know Zeta well will immediately be able to read Zeta's mind" she said as she stroked my long hair gently.

"What does Mom mean?" I leaned my body towards my mother.

"There's something Zeta's hiding, isn't there? There's something Zeta wants to tell you but Zeta is still thinking about it, isn't it?"

"..."

"Zeta, learn that others cannot read Zeta's mind. So that others don't take advantage of Zeta."

“…”

“So, what does Zeta want to say?”

"Mother, the woman Ken loved, the woman was sent by the Nakamoto Family and Uncle Parker let the woman do nothing to protect Ken. Even Uncle Parker asked the woman to also approach Ken to make Ken aware of his feelings."

"Then does that make Zeta's heart go back to Ken's?"

I just shook my head.

"After knowing all that, Zeta's heart feels nothing more for Ken. And that makes Zeta feel guilty."

"Why?"

"Because Zeta should still be able to have feelings for Ken, right?" I hesitated a little.

"..."

"Actually Zeta realizes that the feelings Zeta has for Ken are just guilt and pity. Zeta noticed it on the anniversary of Aunt Lily's death."

"Zeta, just like this world that is not only black and white, our hearts are not just feeling and not feeling. There are more complex answers when a question is aimed at our feelings. And that answer only Zeta can get. I can only say that there is nothing wrong as long as Zeta follows Zeta's heart and follows the rules. Therefore, Zeta is free to have any feelings for everyone in Zeta's life, nothing will limit Zeta's feelings other than Zeta's self."

Being free...

Something that until now had not been thought of by me. I always thought that if I didn't love someone, the feeling I had for them was just a need to keep in touch with them. If I don't love them then I'll close my feelings and label someone as 'the one I don't love'. I never thought if I could give that person another feeling, a feeling that might be deeper than just love. I closed my heart and let the feeling I should have felt, not.

"Zeta, don't tell me anything about Ken to Dad or William" said mother, rousing me from my outstretched thoughts.

"Why? Wouldn't it be more if I knew?"

"There are times when the reason behind someone doing something will only be a weakness to him. Right now the reason the woman approached Ken was a weakness for Ken. Dad and William can't possibly sympathize like Zeta and Mom, they'll both continue to think Ken has hurt you, Zeta. For a father like your father and for an older brother like William, Ken is still wrong no matter what he does and Ken has to feel the same as what you've been through. That's how they protect you, Zeta."

"..."

"Let your father do his duty as a father and let your brother do his duty as a brother. They protect you in a different way than Mom and Zeta should be able to accept it because they are also part of Zeta's life."

...-----...