Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: Lies

"You left something."

"I'm not leaving anything behind."

A box with a ring was placed in front of me.

"This ring is yours, I cannot take it back. I can accept our farewell but I'm not with this ring."

Is Alvin still able to say that sentence after knowing all the truth about him?

I'd be so grateful if he wouldn't be able to say that sentence again. No matter what truth he would know in the future, he would never let go of me. He would still be able to say that sentence even after knowing what kind of relationship we both had. He did not care about this painful destiny.

"You know everything, why do you keep doing this?" my own revenge.

"I don't know what you mean."

Lies.

Sina told me that Alvin already knew all the truth about him. He already knew everything and still wanted to assume all this was just nonsense. I don't know if all this is because of the love he has for me or because this truth hurt him so much that he wouldn't accept it.

"I will follow your every step" he said, holding my hand. Handrails that feel stifling. So suffocating.

"Please, don't do such a stupid thing."

I pulled my hand from his hand. He was quite surprised. It seems like she thought I would be the same as her who pretended not to know the truth about our family. She thought I would stay by her side as a woman who loved her but unfortunately I did not want God to wrath me and give me more painful destiny.

"I will always love you" he said, standing from his seat.

"The love you gave me will only hurt me. It's not love, it's just pain."

My words made Alvin stop stepping his legs. I picked up the ring box from the table and walked over to him. My footsteps came to a halt exactly 5 steps away from him, I couldn't get as close to him as before. The current distance was even too close for the two of us. I had not finished convincing myself, Alvin had turned to face me with a sad look of his. This distance is really a very close distance for us.

Alvin stared blankly at my hand. He laughed for a while before pulling my body into his arms. I tried to let go of his embrace but his strength was very strong. I will only hurt myself if I continue to rebel.

"Only 1 minute. I won't ask for more."

I stopped rebelling and let him hold me. I can't tell if this hug is the hug of a brother or the hug of a man I love.

Idiotically. You stupid Zeta.

The moment my brain makes a question to choose, that moment the answer is already visible. The answer that may not be in accordance with my heart. My brain already knows exactly what this body has to do but it feels very painful. It hurts to see someone I love right the first time in my life as my sister. All this is torturing me.

"Do you love me?" tanyanya while taking off her embrace.

"No. Big Brother once said that I will not wait for me forever and will only wait for as long as I need, now I am in the time I need and I will never be able to be with Big Brother," I answered while shedding tears.

"..."

"Sir..," call me so Alvin just shut up. He looked at me for a moment before wiping my tears.

"I'll always love you, Zeta."

I shook my head as soon as I heard that sentence. Alvin took the ring box from my hand and immediately stepped his foot away from me. I wanted to chase her and tell her that I was happy to have a sister like her. I wanted to go after her and tell her that I would continue to love her as a sister. I just wanted to tell him not to blame himself and God for everything that had happened. I just want her to know that I'm gonna love her anyway.

Ting.

'Goodbye'.

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