Mentari in the Night Sky

The Promise of the Past

Ken kept walking without direction and I kept walking after him. He often does so when inside his head is full of disturbing thoughts. He would walk wherever his feet took him no matter if I would complain or not. He also did not care where his footsteps would end. He just wanted to keep going until he found a place that could make his head clear again.

The thing I love about Korean residential areas is that there are no passing vehicles. There are only pedestrians who rush to catch a bus and some tourists who are looking for restaurants or convenience stores. Some fruit or flower shops can also be found on some streets. Ken often took me for walks around the estate to calm down. While it actually works only for him, it's more like exercising for me.

Ken took off his hand and walked off me towards a swing. After I thought about it, her witty face was gone and turned into a full-blown adult face. I don't know for sure what made her funny face disappear, whether it was her marriage to me or my accident.

“You angry?” I ask so to be in front of him

He didn't answer. He didn't even look me in the face. He stared at the snow covering the ground. Only his face had turned mature, his attitude while angry was still the same as that of a child.

“What because the test is not smooth?”

“….”

“What's because I didn't go straight home?”

“….”

“Then, is it because I didn't ask you for permission?”

“Until when will you pretend?”

I like to see her pouty face. The mouth he pushed out, the eyes that looked at me full of anger, and of course the nose that turned crispy when pouting, was so funny that it made me want to laugh.

“Ken, she lost her memory. He doesn't recognize us the same as when we met him in the hospital.”

Ken suddenly stood up from the swing and immediately hugged me. I didn't know what kind of face I was showing her to make her hug me. I can only return his embrace. The snow that had fallen earlier, was now getting thicker. Even this hug was not enough to warm me up.

“Please love me.”

The fear that I had known for a long time had finally appeared. The truth I always covered up finally appeared.

Should I ignore it?

Or, should I pretend not to hear it?

“I don't want you to pretend you didn't hear it like 2 years ago,” he said as if knowing what I just thought.

Ken took off his embrace and looked at me. He smoothed a scarf around my neck, long enough he did. I know he just wants to be distracted after saying all the things he just said. He was still the Ken I knew, even his current attitude made me think of his 5 year old self. The age at which he says everything he wants. The age at which he made promises that he could barely keep. The age at which for the first time she asked me to marry her before we even knew what love was.

His hand is still ‘sibuk’ with my scarf. Her hands are as cold as mine, she doesn't even wear the gloves I gave her this morning and she can still ask me to love her I put her hands on my cheeks, I think my cheeks are still warm enough at times like this. Ken was silent, for quite a while we were silent until he realized something and immediately snatched the bag from my hand.

“Where are your gloves?”

“Lost.”

“With scarf?”

I'm nodding. Ken immediately opened his bag and picked up the black gloves I gave him this morning. Without hesitation, she immediately put it on. Look how big this glove is in my hand. I immediately clasped his hand and walked away from the swing that began to be occupied by white snow.

“Ken...”.

“Hmm?”

“Let's get married again. When the weather is warm enough and when we already love each other properly.”

One little finger appeared in front of my face. He did it again like he did when he was 5 years old. When I innocently accepted her wedding invitation. I cut my little finger the same as when I was 5 years old accepting her marriage invitation.

“Promise,” say we both simultaneously.

...-----...

I just found out this morning if you go on a business trip again. He didn't even see me like before. It seems like the business this time is more urgent than before. Dad just sent me a message with a big typo and I just checked it this morning.

“What time do you come home?” ask me to open the conversation.

“4 pm, why?”

“I'll pick you up,” I said.

Ken who was drinking choked. He looked at me with wide eyes. It seems like my words yesterday only calmed him down by only 50%. I took a glass from her hand and gave her gloves to clean up the water spills in her mouth and clothes.

“Why? Not that you don't want to see prospective doctors because they feel crowded?” ask after finishing cleaning the white shirt.

“I just want to take a walk. You also know today I have no class.”

“Hmmm.”

“Why?”

“No. I'll wait for you in front of the notice board.”

I'm nodding. Ken walked out of the dining room to pick up the bag in the room. I cleaned dishes and bowls that left no food. A few servants walked into the dining room and reluctantly saw me tidy up the table. Rather than interfere with the work of others, I decided to leave the dining room and go towards the front yard.

Winter has really appeared in comfort. The trees began to be covered in snow. I wonder what kind of cold the trees felt, whether the same as the humans felt or colder. At least humans can take shelter inside the house and turn on the warmers while the trees will continue to be under the roof with falling snow. If the tree could speak, would they complain of its fate or just silently accept it all as a destiny that God has written?

I turned my gaze to the few bodyguards that were ready in front, they were waiting for Ken. I also want to know what kind of cold they feel when watching me and Ken especially when they are just watching outside the room. I wanted to ask them directly but I knew my question would only scare them because for more than 3 years I had not spoken to any servants or bodyguards. If I suddenly asked them a question, how could they not be frightened.

“Young master,” says Mr. Lee.

I turned my face to the left. Ken was looking at me, it seemed like he had been looking at me for 5 minutes seeing how the bodyguards kept stealing glances towards my left 5 minutes ago. How could I not be aware when someone looked at me with a look like he wanted to pounce on me?

“Enter. Very cold outside.”

Just a nod I gave in response. Ken breathed out his annoyed breath and walked over to me. He took both my hands and blew them. I don't think I'm the one who's cold but him, even his hands are colder than mine.

“Ken.”

“Hmmm?” the answer.

Ken keeps blowing my hand, he doesn't heed my calls. His eyes were very focused on the hand that was now on his big palm. Some of the guards came back to steal a glance at us. I saw the watch in Ken's hand that showed at half-eight. When I don't have class, Ken will leave according to his class hours. No need to ask why, I already know.

“Ken,” call me once again.

“Hmmm?”

He focused on my hand. I stepped on his foot slowly, enough to make him turn his eyes to me. He let go of my hand and looked towards the guards. He threw his bag at Mr. Lee, swiftly catching his bag and somehow the other bodyguards simultaneously turned their bodies forward. Looks like Ken and the bodyguards have their own sign language.

Ken hugged me tightly as soon as Mr. Lee put his bag in the car. I returned his embrace, at least it was only something like this that I could do to calm him down. I know he's still thinking about our unexpected encounter with Alvin because I'm still thinking about it and I couldn't sleep last night. Looks like my anxiety all night, come with him.

“Do not pick me up on time or too early,” whispered.

“Why?”

“I don't want you to wait and get cold.”

Ken took off his arms and walked towards the car. He turned his body towards me as soon as the car door was opened by Mr. Lee. I smiled at him while waving both hands. Looking at the wave of my hand, Ken walked back to where I was standing and hugged me once more.

“I love you,” whispered before actually leaving me.

The car that took Ken slowly left the house, leaving me alone. Some of the bodyguards returned to their guard posts and the rest were still in place because I had not yet re-entered the house. Sometimes I don't understand what kind of danger I'm going to have inside my own house to keep the guards watching me.

Srak!

Snow fell from the tree.

Was the snow happy because it finally reunited with the land that he longed for although it would eventually dry up and disappear?

Am I happy to love him?

...-----...