Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: Memories of Death

"This is the first time Aunt saw you wearing this cephemine outfit,” said Aunt Carlista while inviting me to sit down.

"How's Carlista doing?" my reply.

"Good, very good. He has started to be able to socialize again, he has even dared to invite his friend to play at home. Aunty feels like a complete mother with the presence of Carlista. Aunty is very eager to change her last name to the name of her husband Aunty," replied the aunt with a beaming face, a face that shows the happiness of a mother.

"Why didn't Auntie do it?"

"Your uncle refused."

"Reason?"

"Your uncle didn't want Carlista to forget who he was and his family were before he came into our lives."

"Why didn't Auntie do that to Zeta?"

"What do you mean, honey?"

"Zeta's love for Uncle Nyle's death, why would Auntie let Zeta forget about it? Even Auntie forced Zeta to forget about it?"

Aunty was silent, silent for quite a long time and made the atmosphere gloomy. I picked up the teapot made from aunt's hand as soon as I saw her face that had turned from cheerful to sad. Aunty fixed her sitting position and hooked her hands together. Aunty also did not forget to give her awkward smile, a smile that only she gave when she felt unsettled. I stared for a while at the aunt's face only to see that awkward smile and then poured tea back into the cup.

"Zeta already knows the truth but still hasn't found the memory?" auntie asked as I poured the tea into her cup. It made me stop pouring tea and put the teapot on the table.

"How dark is this family?" ask me with watery eyes.

"It's very dark, honey. If our family members do not protect and cover each other then the darkness of our family will spread out. It's more dangerous."

"In the memory that Zeta lost was there a father?"

Aunty shook her head and looked at me for a while before finally walking towards her desk. He opened something and the sound of an open safe sounded. I could see the doubt within him for a moment before taking something from inside the safe. He returned to the sofa where he had sat before and put down a document of my medical record, a document I had been looking for and never found.

"Uncle Nyle's death has nothing to do with your father. The death of Aunt's brother was caused by Aunt's own father and Aunt trying to cover it up, is very ironic right?"

"..."

"Tante has never seen your uncle so happy, happiness caused by love. Aunty supports everyone fairly no matter who they love, Aunty supports them to get her love. But Auntie was wrong, should Aunt never support your uncle because he's the heir to the Allison Family. A person who from birth is destined to be a successor cannot possibly get everything he wants and love included in it. Your uncle forced you to have a relationship with a woman from the bottom. It doesn't matter if the woman your uncle loves is a kindergarten teacher or the woman with the job of a self-service cashier, it won't be a problem, but your uncle loves a worker **** sent by the other family to find your uncle's weakness. That woman not only managed to obtain the weakness of your uncle but also the weakness of the Allison Family. It was the most crucial moment for the Allison Family, inevitably your uncle had to take responsibility. The responsibility your grandfather gave your uncle was his life. Do you think grandfather regretted killing the main heir of the Allison Family?"

I just kept quiet and shook my head in response.

"Yes, right. Your grandfather never regretted it because your father was the most perfect replacement ever. Even Aunty can tell if your father outnumbered your uncle. And does Zeta know what the saddest thing about this story is?"

Once again I just kept quiet while giving the head bobble in response.

"That woman never loved your uncle, she just used your uncle. Lucky your uncle didn't know that until the end of his life. Lucky your uncle only knew that the woman he loved loved loved loved him as much as he loved her. Aunty can't imagine what your uncle would do when he found out he had already destroyed the Allison Family because of his stupid love, a love that never even existed in the first place."

"How's the lady doing?"

"He was in a mental hospital alone with no one allowed to see him."

"..."

"They?" call aunty as soon as I realize my silence is my daydream.

"Can Zeta ask you something?"

"Sure, Honey."

"Does mom still visit her psychiatrist?"

"No and it made Aunt a little worried especially after hearing your mother's increasingly unstable mental condition. Did something happen at home?"

"How many times did you try to kill yourself during your marriage to you?"

"Why did Zeta ask that?" reply a little surprised, as if the thing about the mother's suicide attempt was something no one should know about. Looks like mom or Grandpa Phillip is trying to cover this up.

"Can Aunt answer that?"

"Two times at the beginning of the marriage, three times after William's birth, and five times after Arthur's birth. That's all that is recorded, the rest of Aunt does not know if indeed your mother never attempted suicide again or your grandfather from the Norvin Family who tried to hide it, ” replied the aunt after previously just silently looking at me.

"..."

"Something happens in your house, right?"

Just a smile and a headband I gave in response. I asked permission to leave my aunt's study and bring my medical records. At first my aunt forbade me to read the medical record alone until I finally forced and made her allow me. As soon as I got my permission, I got out of the aunt's study and walked into the VIP inpatient room on the 27th floor, the room will always be empty except for when my two brothers and I have to get inpatient treatment.

I opened the long curtain that covered the large window once I got to the room, making the morning sunlight enter slowly illuminate the room which was also illuminated by the light of the lamp. I had put my medical records on the table and now I was staring out the window, looking at the bustle of the streets below and the towering buildings in front of me.

After gaining enough confidence, I walked over to the table where I placed my medical records. Slowly my hand touched the medical record and opened it. It's more like a police document than a medical record, looking at the many pictures of Uncle Nyle in my medical records. The feeling of not wanting to recall my uncle's death came back to me. My hands stopped flipping the medical records sheet as soon as my eyes saw a picture of my uncle both with me at the amusement park. The last photo taken before his death.

My hands began to shake and my breath began to rhythmically. I'm too arrogant to say it's okay to know the truth behind the trauma I've had. Just bringing some memories of uncle can already make that trauma reappear.

I need to get out of this room before I can't breathe.

...-----...

Uncle Nyle's death day..

"Zeta, get out of here!!"

"What about Uncle?!"

"Uncle will be fine. Go to Zeta's room and get to bed."

The sound of a loud punch rang out, I who was then 5 years old only briefly saw the face of Uncle in pain from behind the door. Repeatedly Uncle asked me to immediately leave his room and head towards my room but my legs did not move. I was thinking of doing something, I should help uncle.

"Zeta, Uncle please leave" said the uncle, moving his lips without making a sound. It made me run out looking for help.

...-----...

Ah, I can't breathe. What memory is it. I need to get out of this room as soon as possible. As I was about to stand up, my body immediately fell to the floor. My limp feet cannot support my body. My head started to feel so heavy as if a 100kg load had just been thrown into my head. My breathing was also getting irregular and heavy, I started to be unable to breathe. I tried to reach for my bag that was at the end of the long chair I was sitting in. No, I can't move my body.

...-----...

Uncle Nyle's death day..

"Grandfather, something happened to Uncle Nyle. Someone is beating up uncle!!! Grandpa!!!" I shouted while tugging at Grandfather's index finger, leading him towards uncle's room. Grandfather followed my small steps, I did not realize his face at that time was not the face of a father who was worried because his son was hurt by someone but the face of a grandfather who was afraid of losing his grandson.

"They?" call grandfather gently in the middle of the road to uncle's room.

"Alright," replied Grandpa as he lifted my tiny body and took me to uncle's room faster.

Grandpa immediately opened the door of uncle's room and I saw not just one person beating up uncle. There were at least five people who were now beating the belly of the uncle. They did not hurt his uncle's face and only targeted his vital organs such as his heart and lungs. I immediately rebelled asking grandfather to let me down from his carrier. I immediately walked towards the five people and kicked them all down from the sling of grandfather.

"Stop hurting my uncle!!!" I screamed with all my might.

"Zeta," called uncle in a limp voice, making me run straight up to the bed crying.

"Zeta brought grandfather, now Uncle will be fine. There's a grandpa."

"I'm sorry Uncle. Go to the room now."

"No!!!!" my yelling.

"Zeta," call uncle once again trying to make me leave him.

"We have to treat Uncle's wounds!!! Grandfather, call the doctor to treat uncle and call the police to arrest them!!!" once again I shouted with a loud tone followed by a cry.

"..."

"Grandfather?!" call me in a slow tone and get scared as soon as you see grandpa take the stick from one of the guys who beat up uncle.

"Zeta, go. I'm sorry Uncle couldn't keep the promise to watch you grow up to finally marry the man of your choice."

"No, Uncle has to keep that promise" I whined as I held my uncle's face and moved his body.

"They?" call grandfather, making me instantly turn my gaze towards grandfather. Once again, Grandpa lifted my body. Different from before, grandfather only briefly lifted my body before finally giving me to one of the people who previously beat up uncle.

"What did Grandpa do?!" I shouted while thrashing so as not to be touched by the person who had injured uncle.

Grandfather moved his feet closer to me once again as soon as I saw me who kept thrashing. Grandpa gently rubbed my hair and kissed my forehead. Grandfather also asked me not to keep shouting and keep quiet.

I could feel the frightening air coming out of grandfather's body and at that instant I fell silent to his words. As soon as I saw that I was more restrained and calm, grandfather again walked up to the uncle's bed and unceremoniously struck the uncle with an iron rod in his hand.

"What did Grandpa do?" I asked this time more out of fear that seeing someone I trusted would help uncle turn into someone who hurt uncle.

The uncle slowly complained and blood started to come out of his mouth. Grandfather back hit uncle every time uncle made a sound and I could only say 'stop grandfather, uncle in pain' every time a punch landed on uncle's body. Grandfather ignored my words and I didn't know what to do.

"Uncle loves you, Zeta. Forgive Uncle," said the uncle before finally closing his eyes.

Grandfather immediately walked towards me as soon as he saw uncle was unconscious. Grandpa took me back into his trunk. My tears did not stop flowing and grandfather continued to gently wipe my tears. I don't know if Grandpa's gentle strokes are really sincere or a warning to me to stop crying.

"I'm sorry Grandpa made Zeta have to see something that Zeta shouldn't see. Now we go to Zeta's room and think of all this as a nightmare. All this is just a nightmare. It's just a nightmare that Zeta shouldn't remember upon waking. Grandpa's gonna read a bedtime story to Zeta."

Grandfather walked out of the room while still wiping away the tears that were still coming down my cheeks. Grandfather also covered both of my eyes with his free right hand so that it made me no longer see uncle. Right after we left the uncle's room, the sound of a punch came back. They again beat the uncle even after the uncle was unconscious.

"Zeta, Grandpa did this because Grandpa loves your uncle. So, let's forget everything Zeta saw. After this Zeta will forget this nightmare and will continue to have beautiful dreams."

...-----...

Tears filled my face. What memory is it. What memories have just crossed my mind.

Stupid zeta. Zeta was the stupidest person in the world both as a child and as a teenager.

How could I let someone die in front of me?

How could I not say anything even after what I saw?

How can I just keep quiet according to Grandpa's will?

How could killing an uncle be the same as loving him?

I could no longer endure the pain my body was feeling. I really want to get out of this room. I raised my left hand to feel the bottom of the table, looking for an emergency button that would call my nurse or bodyguard. I found it but I couldn't suppress it because the shadow of uncle's face filled my mind again. How can I try to save myself now when I can't save uncle?

"Press it. Uncle loves you, Zeta."

I pressed the emergency button as soon as the voice continued to fill my mind. The voice I knew slowly filled not only my mind but this room as well. The voice that was just an illusion that I created just so I wouldn't feel guilty for uncle's death. The illusion I've been creating just so I can stay alive.

Someone forced open the door of the room. Uncle Stephan was silent for a few seconds then asked some nurses and doctors who came in with him to come out of the room for a while. Uncle again closed the door of the room and immediately ran towards me. My uncle took the oxygen tube next to the bed and put it in my nose.

"Uncle, Zeta." I couldn't go on with what I wanted to say.

"Miss will be fine" said the uncle, closing the medical records on the table and throwing them out of my reach.

I cried so hard in my uncle's arms. I was also holding very tightly to uncle's arm, maybe even the nails on my fingers left marks on his arm. Uncle asked the outside medical personnel to enter the room within 5 minutes and uncle also told my condition to the outside medical personnel to be able to directly handle me once inside the room.

"Never do anything like this again, Miss. I beg you not to make me feel the loss of family a second time."

"I'm sorry Zeta" I said before falling unconscious.

...-----...

"Zeta should have told the nurse that Zeta was conscious."

I turned my gaze from the window towards the mother whose hands were filled with my favorite food. I can see at a glance if outside this room there are a lot of bodyguards on guard as mom tries to close the door again. After this all my activities will be monitored 24 hours and I will have no privacy whatsoever.

"Zeta has just woken up and is instantly sidetracked with sky blue" I replied.

"Want to eat fruit?"

Mother lifted the box full of my favorite fruit to the level of my face. I just shook my head, making me put the box of fruit back on the bedside table. Mother continued to hold both of my hands, making me directly look into her eyes that were staring gently at me. A look in the eye asking to share the pain.

"I'm sorry I left Zeta something painful."

"No, Zeta is happy and grateful for what Zeta got."

"Zeta, I repeatedly wanted to assume that everything that had happened was just a nightmare but then Mom became afraid to wake up from this nightmare. Does Zeta know why?"

I'm shaking.

"Because in this nightmare, Mother also feels happiness and Mother is afraid that if all this is just a nightmare then all the happiness that you feel during this time will be lost along with the wake of Mother."

"..."

"Bad memories or nightmares, both still give happiness. The little joys that arise in every memory or nightmare, I don't want to lose it. It was Mom's choice to stay in this nightmare because of the happiness she had. And what about Zeta?"

...-----...