Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: Lose

The feeling when you weren't expected to attend a celebration, I finally understood how it felt. The gazes of the people who were now looking at me as if I was a pest they wanted to exterminate either because I was part of the Allison Family or because I came to this event without any invitation.

“Wah... they only invite friends Natasha,” said Caroline slowly.

I don't care who's invited to this childish ceremony, I just hate the fact that this event was booked in my name. I move my feet towards the staff who are busy serving food. Now, not just the hate I feel, how can it be not just my name that Ken uses but all the things about me he uses just to create Natasha's birthday. All the food that is currently being served is my favorite food and the decoration of this event uses my favorite blue color.

“Isn't that your favorite food?” caroline asked in a soft voice, followed by Stephanie's arm.

“Excuse me, where is the manager in charge?” ask one of the officers passing by.

The employee just silently looked at me, like confused what to answer. The employee slowly walked over to me and gently patted my hand while pointing at a room. I followed the employee's hand until it became clear that a pair of hearing aids were in both ears.

“Thank you,” I said while giving sign language.

Just as I was about to open the room that the clerk pointed to, the door of the room was already open and the face of someone I knew very well appeared. I don't think Ken was surprised to see me in front of him right now, he seemed to have expected me to come to this place. Without a word, Ken immediately walked out from before me as if he was angry that I had made a mistake. Right now the one who should be angry is that I'm not him.

A middle-aged woman came up to me and told me to go inside the room. The woman's face was very gentle, making all the anger that was peaking inside me just disappear. His face reminded me of my mother, a face that always smiled until when not humped I could still see a smile etched on her face. The woman gave me a paper full of writing. Looks like this place contains deaf people see a pair of hearing aids also decorate the ears of this woman. I picked up the paper that the woman had handed me.

‘Thank you for having a party for Natasha's sister's birthday. Ken's been telling me a lot, he said a kind woman would be willing to prepare a birthday party for Natasha's sister. Ken also said the woman would come to the event. There are no more words I can say, again thank you for making this party. Natasha herself does a part-time job in the middle of her school to make a small party but still Natasha also needs extra money for her school needs. Once I knew there was a woman like you, I was so grateful and grateful. Once again thank you.’

“Sorry,” I said slowly.

The woman silently looked at me, asking what I had just said. I just shook my head and immediately stood up from where I was sitting to get out of the room. Now I know and understand why Ken fell in love with Natasha. When my life is always full of luxury and always get what I want, on the other hand there is a woman who fights for her life and also the life of her family. And I'm here to judge the life of the woman who fought desperately.

“Why?” caroline asked me a few times to open her mouth.

“I'll give up on Ken.”

“Hah?” stephanie and Caroline said in unison.

“And you two don't make any untrue gossip about Natasha.”

“You okay?” caroline asked as she inspected my body.

I don't know if I'm okay right now or not. Once again I felt like the tower of arrogance I had created had suddenly collapsed just like that. I just realized how arrogant I am right now. Maybe God sent Natasha into Ken's life to teach me that I wasn't always going to get everything I wanted and I wasn't the strong woman I thought I was because I was outside there are many other strong women.

The affection Ken had been showing in public was not a pretense, it was all a form of protection he could give Natasha. Only I consider all of that as a form of pretense of his because I do not want to admit the existence of other women who can make Ken smile freely and full of happiness. My arrogance made me close my eyes and regard all of Ken's sincerity for Natasha as a pretense.

Right now, I can see Ken's heartfelt smile for the first time in my life. The smile that Ken had been giving me all along was a polite smile that I translated as a smile full of sincerity and compassion. It is frightening when a pride becomes one with one's life.

And in the end, I was the one pretending….

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