Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: Consequences

Dad's office is the only room in the house I've never been in. Even when I was at such a curious age, I had no curiosity about my father's study. Not because I already knew everything in the room but because I knew everything that went into the room would feel an inconvenience, except for mother of course. Arthur only entered this room when he made a mistake, a mistake that actually had a lot to do with me, and in this room Arthur got a lot of punishment. I never asked what kind of punishment Arthur got because I didn't want to make him recall that punishment. Every time he came out of my father's room, there was not a single wound on his body, I was quite relieved by that but I was also worried if the punishment my father gave him was verbal. No one knows how hurtful verbal punishment is other than those who accept it.

And, here I am now, in a room I never wanted to enter...

Unlike the dark impression that I always see every time people come out of the room, this room has a fairly warm impression. It seemed like the warmth I felt came from the arrangement of items neatly arranged by the mother and also the selection of the interior added to the warmth in this room. In this room there is also a door for another room, it looks like the door will lead directly to my parents' second room which is also located next to this room. The idea came from the mother who in the past always saw the father working and sleeping in this workspace. Mom once told me how fathers in the early days of their marriage only spent time in this room for a whole month. After William's birth, the mother wanted the father to change a little and finally put this workspace together with the room, the, something that is quite successful is seeing how now fathers spend more time in the room even while reviewing important documents.

I was alone in this room because as soon as Arthur and I got home, my father told me to go into his study and leave Arthur alone in the living room. I don't know what happened to Arthur, nor did I hear any outside noises. I was afraid something might happen to Arthur, but I also knew that you wouldn't do something that would hurt Arthur.

Now I know, being alone in this room is what scares people when they get out of the room. Dad always makes his guests wait for a long time in this room, like giving his guests time to rethink what they want to say. As with my guests, I want to rethink what I did and what I did today. I really hate this feeling of unease.

I decided to walk towards my father's desk to remove the feeling of unease in my heart. I saw a document that read Natasha Anthony Tindall, I think you already know everything that happened to me today. I still feel alien to Natasha's full name, a name that should make her have everything she wants. Just a name does but that name can make a lot of changes in a person's life. I decided not to open the document any further because I did not want to violate the boundary I had been making. I went back to sweeping my dad's desk and found a lot of photos on the table. Most of the photos belong to my mother who is on this table, the second most photos are my photos, and there is only one family photo on the right end of the table. There are no individual photos of father, William, or Arthur on this table, so it may seem strange to put a picture of his son on his desk. Or maybe a photo of my two brothers can't throw dad tired at work so don't put their individual photos on this table. I looked back at every corner of this room and without me noticing, my footsteps were already towards the big window that was behind my desk. I just realized that my work space is also connected to the back garden of the house, the garden where my mother often spends her time. Finally I know the reason why mothers never miss visiting the back garden even though just sitting quietly enjoying flowers in the garden. That is because the mother knows if the father always observes and makes belaiu as a buster in work so inevitably the mother must continue to do that role and make a back garden visit as an obligation.

What obligations do mothers do that is also part of love?

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

I immediately turned my body towards the source of the sound and found the father walking towards the sofa. I just kept silent observing the body of the father who was now sitting. I'm still trying to process what's going on and what I need to do. Not yet had my brain finished processing, one of the servants entered the room carrying some of my favorite snacks and placed them on the table, in front of the sofa where my father was sitting. As if knowing that the atmosphere in this room was not a friendly atmosphere, the maid immediately walked out of the room without saying anything.

Dad poured the tea into his cup and looked at me for a while before finally sipping earl grey tea. I walked towards the sofa where Dad was sitting as soon as he looked back at me after he finished sipping tea from his cup. I decided to sit on the sofa in front of my dad, making me sit face to face with my dad.

"Natasha gave Zeta this key" I said, opening the conversation. I put the key with the necklace Natasha gave me on the table. I know very well that you don't like pleasantries at times like this and there's nothing in it for me to wait for you to ask you a few questions because of the look in your eyes right now, he wanted me to tell him everything even though he knew what was going on.

"Zeta please help Natasha,” I continued after finding dad just looking at me sharp.

"Dad heard it all, if Dad helps Natasha then Dad can get the whole Tindall Company. But, what will you get from Zeta?"

"..."

"Dad was looking for all the information about Natasha and everything she told Zeta was true. I will decide to help him after meeting him in person. Now, I just want to know what you're gonna get from Zeta?"

"Will it affect my decision?"

"certain."

"What do you want from Zeta?"

"Father grew up in a harsh environment even harder than your uncle, Zeta. The father who was just your uncle's backup was treated and educated extraordinarily hard from both parents. I always thought how unfair your grandfather was because even Uncle Nyle was not taught as hard as he educated Dad when it was your uncle who became the heir. You just accept all of that treatment without ever once rebelling because you know as hard as you try to rebel only the torture you will get. The treatment and upbringing you received made you a cold-hearted person, not knowing what love, affection, and warmth are."

"Even when I married your mother, I didn't have any feelings for her. I try to avoid your mother every time I come home. There were even times when I felt this house was hell because of your mother's presence. Your mother who grew up in a loving and tender family always tried to open my heart but none of her efforts worked. The birth of both of your sisters didn't make Dad change, Dad remains a cold person. I even lowered your grandfather's way of educating Father to your two brothers. Even Dad educated Arthur harder than when I educated William. It was to make Arthur can rival William, and at that time I realized the real reason your grandfather educated Dad hard because they wanted uncle to feel rivaled until finally trying harder. Looks like your uncle didn't get the message but your brother got it. William tried harder in everything so as not to be rivaled by Arthur even though in the end Arthur still rivaled him, both of your sisters were at the same school level when Arthur was supposed to be one level below William. Does Zeta know what changed Dad?"

"Zeta?” call dad to wake me up.

"How did Zeta change Dad? Zeta doesn't know" I replied, shaking my head.

"Zeta's birth is not the cause because Zeta doesn't make Dad change even after 2 years of your age. Dad changed when you were 3 years old, it was a time when your mother was feeling very tired and wanted to divorce him. I'm confused about what I should do because of a divorce letter your mother gave me. I tried to get help from both of your parents, I didn't even try to talk to your mother but instead talked to her parents. Very annoying isn't Dad's attitude?"

"Maybe?" reply doubtful.

"When I came home from work, I found your mother playing games with you and it was the first time I saw your mother smiling as sincerely and lovingly as that. I was jealous of you back then and that was the first time I realized the feelings I had for your mother. Dad hated you back then but then the gaze you gave Dad made Dad's world change. The smile you gave Dad slowly filled Dad's cold heart with warmth that I had long forgotten. Your funny behavior fills your whole heart space with peace. And your presence makes me even less willing to part with your mother. From that moment on, Father turned into the figure he was now. The love your mother gave you slowly made Dad love you.”

“No excuses. I fell in love a second time with my daughter. And if you ask the reason why your two sisters love you so much, they will give the same answer as Dad, 'no excuses'. You are our life."

"What do you want me to try to tell Zeta?"

"Whatever you do, whatever you say, whatever you plan to do, whatever you want, it's going to affect this family. The center of this family is you, Zeta."

"..."

"When you want to try to protect someone, we'll protect you right then and there."

"I'm sorry, Zeta. Should've...."

"No, Zeta can do everything Zeta wants but Dad wants Zeta to take responsibility with Zeta's choice. Help Ken, help Natasha, not only Zeta is involved but the whole Allison Family is involved, too" Dad said.

Father gave me a gentle look for a few seconds before he finally returned to tea. He turned his head towards the large window that displayed the garden behind the house. Like someone trying to dive back into his past, I kept staring longingly at the park as if something was missing from the park and I wanted it back.

I've heard the story you just told me from mom, it's just that now from dad's point of view and the story isn't as complete as mom's. Mom says she fell in love at first sight with dad while they were at school. At that time I did not care much about the people around me but I kept watching and trying to find out all the things about me, something women always do when they are in love. Until one day the family of the father visited the mother's family home as a form of old friends visit because it turns out the two grandfathers have been friends from the time they were in elementary school but separated because of Grandpa Phillip, the grandfather of the mother's family, went to school in France.

My grandfathers met again after a long time because they both attended a reunion event, an event that even Grandpa Ally, the grandfather of the father's family, never attended. Since then, since then, my grandfather's relationship returned to what it was when they were in elementary school and it made the mother who was then in love with one of Allison's boys a little happy. Even my grandfather was surprised to find out that his two children were in the same school. If at that time, Grandpa Ally did not decide to come to the reunion, maybe me and my two brothers would not have been born into this world.

The mother family can be considered as a family that is not too influential like the Allison Family, more like a family that observes all the things that happen and will follow the flow where the power moves. The constant visits become a prelude to the choice of where the Norvin family, the mother's family, moves. The beginning of the visit that Grandpa Ally did was as an old friend visit but slowly Grandpa Ally showed the real intention where she wanted to match my uncle with one of the daughters of the Norvin Family.

At that time, it should have been the mother who was betrothed to Uncle Nyle but the mother said she wanted to marry the person she loved and felt she would not be able to love my uncle. Mother even said she would not be able to be the companion of the next prospective head of the Allison Family and wanted her match with uncle not to happen. It took me a month until I finally told my grandfather the truth, something that surprised everyone at that time because almost all women would want to be my uncle's wife rather than being the wife of my father who was only the second child of the Allison Family.

Is after all that easy mommy trip? No. gabe.

Grandpa Ally kept asking mom to try one or two dates with Uncle Nyle and opened her heart slowly. Grandfather felt that only mother was suitable to be uncle's companion, something that even now still believed by grandfather and made father angry whenever grandfather discussed it. Uncle who already knew the real reason behind his refusal could not force mother but uncle was also unlikely to refuse grandfather's orders. Until finally the uncle agreed to a meeting that was arranged to date the mother and of course the mother with a heavy heart also agreed to the meeting.

Who would have thought, it was my father who came to the meeting in place of uncle. At that time, the relationship between father and mother is no longer a stranger but a friend because of the continuous meeting of the two families and also because they are one school. Mother also felt that if the father was very understanding of himself and easy to be invited to discussions, typical men who according to mother will make many women fall in love. When he found out if the father who met him, did not know what possessed the mother at that time until finally ventured to tell everything to the father about his feelings and his matchmaking. Father just silent does not respond to anything and makes the mother feel at the bottom of her life because the man she loves does not have any feelings for her.

For a whole week the mother locked herself up and refused to meet anyone, even the mother until hospitalized after one week of confinement in the room. Something that might have happened to me if I hadn't been able to manage my mental state well.

Others will say that you are also in love with your mother but you know very well that you do not love her. Even when grandfather asks if father loves mother, father replies with a sack. To this day, no one knows why you did that. I also did not dare to ask my father why because I was afraid to know the truth. I feel like there's enough of a time when you don't love her at the beginning of their marriage, I don't want the reason in the past to make my marriage now ruined just for a reason that might sound human to see my father's cold attitude in the past.

As I told you, after the wedding I always avoided my mother by going home when all the lights were off. Dad always avoids all things related to mother, even dad refuses to be present at family events and reunions. Both my parents just had a relationship like a husband and wife after the demands of grandchildren that came from both my grandfathers. That demand made William and Arthur present in our little family. Mother was not very happy with the birth of my two brothers because my father never looked towards my two brothers when they were newborn.

My father only did his job as a father when my two brothers were 1 year old. Actually, the father had a reason behind his absence as a father, he was busy with business that was suddenly delegated to him and did not want the presence of a baby to make him have to divide his time between work and children. Actually the father is quite responsible by hiring many caregivers but still the mother wants the figure of the father along with him to take care of their children.

After the age of 1 year, my two brothers began to be introduced to the rules of the Allison Family, making mothers increasingly feel like they failed to become a mother because they could not give a childhood like other children have. Father behaves not to treat mother completely as his wife, more like father only considers mother as his business partner. At that time, the mother felt two failures in her life, failed as a wife and failed as a mother. Among the two failures, the failure to be a mother most influenced the mother's conviction to remain in the Allison Family.

My mother ended up with me, an unplanned pregnancy. Mother almost aborted me before finally deciding to keep me because she saw a mother who lost her child while she was away for control. Mother did not want God to be angry with her for not being grateful for what God had given her. Mother kept me feeling so unhappy that she knew that her child was a girl. I felt like there was hope in my life with my presence. And like previous pregnancies, the father never accompanied the mother to visit the doctor.

Dad also learned about the mother's pregnancy from the family's medical records that he routinely checks every month. Father had asked the reason why the mother did not tell her pregnancy or ask the father to accompany her to see a doctor like the previous pregnancy which was only answered by the mother with the sentence, 'I am tired of waiting for you'. Sentences that at that time according to the mother made the father slightly show changes in him by several times coming to the doctor's office without the mother's knowledge. If I may conclude, I think you've been afraid of losing your mother since the moment when you showed me how tired she was waiting for you. I don't know if the conclusion I made is true or not.

After my birth, my mother came back to life and some people who worked at home also said that my birth made my mother happy again. Even the mother began to rearrange this house, buying sharing kinds of knick-knacks. This mother and house came back to life after my birth, something that made the workers in this house happy.

The different thing about my birth is that my mother does not allow me to be in touch with my father where at the birth of my two brothers, my mother always tries to get my two brothers in touch with my father. Seeing how dad educated William and Arthur, made me want to save my childhood and not let my dad get close to me. Until the limits of the mother's tolerance reach the limit, when the father makes William and Arthur compete with each other and will punish anyone who loses in front of the victor. Mother could not save William at that time and made William must be handled by a psychiatrist at the age of 4 years because he had a fairly high sense of inferiority. Of course it was because Arthur could always defeat him. She blames herself for not being a good mother to her two sons. The guilt makes the mother not want her daughter to feel the same way. Finally, I asked for a divorce from my father.

Ever since I gave my divorce papers to my dad, I started to change. The changes that some people say are quite drastic, like dad being someone else. Dad started to stop making my two brothers compete with each other even though the two continued to compete without them knowing until they were on the bench of Junior High School. I don't remember what changes happened to my father, I just remember my father who always secretly gave me my favorite toys and food. Dad even played with me when Mom wasn't watching me.

Dad also did everything I wanted, even when I asked Dad to play house-housing with me and make me wear women's clothes complete with makeup, he did it anyway. Dad also helped me when I tried to pick up a toy on the stairs and made me almost fall, dad immediately pulled me into his arms and made the fallen father in a supine position where I was on the top of his body at the time. I think I'm the only one with a good childhood memory compared to my two brothers.

"Dad wants Zeta to rest" said father, resuscitating me from a long daydream.

"What do you mean, Dad?'

"Home schooling and focus on treatment" said the father, putting a document of my medical record on the table.

"There is no home schooling in school" I stammered and was afraid.

"Dad can make that rule."

"Dad, don't touch that school" I said.

"Dad wasn't asking for Zeta's willingness but Dad was telling her what Zeta should do."

"Promising Zeta, I won't do anything to Elizabeth's School."

"Zeta, I know how important Stephanie is in your life."

"..."

"Uncle Chester wants to see how far Stephanie has kept her will."

"..."

"The medicine that Dr. Esme prescribed was already in the room. Zeta can get out now."

"I'm sorry Zeta and thank you Dad" I said before leaving the room.

William and Arthur greeted me as soon as I closed Dad's office. There was something going on between them, something I couldn't explain but could feel. There is a distance between them, a distance not to hurt each other. And there was a cold feeling between them, a feeling that created that distance. I'm sure something happened.

Arthur rubbed my hair gently before finally pushing my body slowly away from the door. He went straight into my office without saying anything. I immediately turned to William, asking for an explanation of what had actually happened.

"Dad already knew about the CCTV that Arthur manipulated."

As soon as I heard William's words, I immediately tried to grab the doorknob of my father's office. My efforts were in vain because William immediately pulled my arm and led me into my room. Just this time William used his energy on me.

"He must take responsibility for his actions" William said as soon as he reached my room.

"But it's all because of Zeta" I said with a tremble, afraid that something bad would happen to Arthur.

"Zeta, everyone has a choice and behind that choice everyone has to take responsibility."

"But..."

"Do you know what happens when you do something without thinking?"

"..."

"Dad knows that Uncle Stephan hid your meeting with Natasha."

"Zeta asked for it. Sis..."

"Never do anything stupid like this again, Zeta,” cut William.

William immediately left my room as soon as he said that sentence. I don't know where I made the mistake. I don't know if helping someone can be a disaster for someone else. I don't know if the good things I'm trying to do cause trouble for others. L'm...

Am I destined to be an antagonist in someone else's life?

...-----...