Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: Childhood Trauma

I don't know what the definition of a habitable place is. I also do not know what the standard of a house or apartment can be said as a good place to live. I only know that this apartment the size of William's room, is not a place I can live in even if it's only one night. There are only two bedrooms, one living room that doubles up to be a family room and dining room, as well as a very small kitchen. Seeing this apartment made me realize that William's room was large enough to be an apartment.

The interior of this apartment is also very simple, showing there is only a high school boy with his sister who lives here. There are no luxury items in this apartment, even for funny trinkets. There are only important items that are commonly used everyday such as cutlery, cookware or cleaning equipment, really only contain items that are needed as a basic interest for life.

I didn't even find a wall clock in this apartment. While my eyes were still trying to adapt to this new scene, my eyes were fixed on the only picture frame in this apartment. I could see the faces of Natasha, Felix, and Carlista smiling happily. I think the photo was taken when Natasha was still in Junior High, looking at her pretty young face and her hairstyle that was much different from her current self. Seeing how this picture frame wasn't trying to hide, I don't think Ken ever got into this apartment.

A hand tugging at my shirt, made me instantly shift my focus to Carlista who has been constantly pulling my sleeves since I set foot in this apartment. He pointed to a room and asked me to walk with him towards that room, the room where Natasha was. I tried repeatedly to open the door to the room but none of my efforts were successful.

I looked at Carlista who was just as confused as I was because her brother's bedroom door wasn't open. Looking at her confused face, I think before she left the apartment this morning, she was still able to open the door of this room and now the door cannot open.

'Does Carlista have the keys to this room?'

Carlista just shook his head. I turned my gaze to Arthur who was also still trying to adapt to the environment we were in. As with me, this was the first time we had been in a room we never thought could be called a residence. If only this apartment wasn't this clean, I could make sure neither I nor Arthur would be able to set our feet inside this apartment because we both have allergies to dust.

"Sister Arthur, can you ask Uncle Stephan or the other bodyguards to come here? Natasha's bedroom door was locked and Carlista didn't hold the key" I said as soon as I got to where Arthur was standing, of course with Carlista's hand still holding my sleeve. Carlista didn't let me get away from her, maybe she was afraid that I would leave her and not help her brother.

"Are you okay?" arthur asked after swallowing his own saliva several times.

"I'm doing fine. Call Uncle Stephan and the other bodyguards,” I said repeating the sentence I had previously said.

"Wait a minute, I'll be out."

Arthur walked out of the apartment with a slightly shaking body. I tried to ignore it and decided to go back to Natasha's room, see if I could break down her door. Carlista also pointed several times towards a box containing keys, I tried a few but did not match Natasha's room door at all. Looks like Natasha's door lock is still on the doorknob so I'll never be able to open the door in front of me even if I hold the spare key.

"Let me break it down" said Arthur.

"Where's Uncle Stephan?"

"Come here, still in the elevator. Take this kid and you away."

Arthur pushed my body slowly away from the bedroom door. He began to take a swing to break down the door in front of him. It's not that I doubt the power it has but the door in front of us won't be able to open with just the power it has. The door is made of strong wood.

Buk!!

"Aren't you okay?" I asked to come straight to Arthur as soon as he complained.

"..."

"We better wait for Uncle Stephan and the other bodyguards,” I said so just get a sharp gaze from Arthur.

I held onto Arthur's seemingly injured shoulder, seeing how he kept grimacing with the pain. Not only did it seem to be injured, now I could see a bloodstain on his white shirt. I looked back at the door in front of us, trying to figure out the cause of the pain in Arthur's shoulder. There was no way he could be that easy to get hurt and bleed just for trying to break down a door. My eyes came to a halt as soon as I saw a small nail stuck in the door, as if Natasha had nailed it from the inside.

A few bodyguards had already entered the apartment, making me and Arthur instantly rewind our bodies backwards. Arthur then told them to break down the door.

"Wait, there's a nail on the door" I said, pointing to a small pointed tip on the door.

"It looks like Brother's shoulder is hurt because of that," I continued as Arthur looked at me in disbelief at what he had just heard.

"Zeta just found out. How can Big Brother make me a bad sister?" my reply.

"Ah sorry."

Bruk!!

Once again Carlista immediately pulled my body into Natasha's room as soon as the door was broken. She instantly let go of her pull as soon as her foot touched the floor of Natasha's room, leaving me alone at the door. I could hear Carlista's voice calling out to her brother in a very slow voice. I stepped my foot into Natasha's room and found her either asleep or unconscious on her stomach. Carlista continued to call and shake Natasha's body, trying to make Natasha aware.

"Don't look at."

Arthur closed both my eyes with his hands. Her hands shook, as if telling me that her entire body had also been trembling in fear from earlier. Arthur turned my body around, he then told the bodyguards to take Natasha to the hospital and asked Uncle Stephan to stay with us. Arthur also asks the bodyguards to take Carlista to the hospital.

"Are you okay?"

I heard the question but my body couldn't respond. Right now, my body is back in the past, in the time where I found my uncle's body. The body that I thought was just sleeping, had already left this world in the same position as Natasha. I stupidly kept calling my uncle until my grandfather finally heard my voice constantly calling uncle's name without any reply. My grandfather, who also did not know that his first son had died, turned his body around, making me see a pale face with open eyes. Grandfather called the doctor right away, and I saw how a doctor tried to save someone who had died by continuing to give CPR, something they should not have done.

At that time, I thought that scary experience would not haunt me, it turned out I was wrong because from that day on I suffered from claustrophobia, a phobia of narrow spaces. The room space where I found my uncle dead was the limit where I could not tolerate a room that was narrower than that. And this apartment, made me feel anxious as soon as I entered it.

Just like me, Arthur also suffers from claustrophobia for a different reason than me. I don't know the reason behind his phobia because he never told me anything either or my parents. He also told nothing to the psychiatrist who handled it, as if he wanted to keep the secret until the end of his life. Something I cannot understand because I desperately want to recover from this phobia. And to be able to recover from this phobia, I had to be able to overcome my past trauma.

"Zeta!!!!" arthur shouted while shaking my body.

"I saw Uncle's face back. I'd be afraid to close my eyes" I realized as I hugged Arthur.

"If it's not too late to wake my uncle. If I hadn't made our family late for Aunt Lily's show, would the two of them still be alive?" tanyaku.

"Zeta, life and death have been arranged by God. If God wrote someone down to die then, no matter what you did, they would still die. You're just another variable from their deaths."

"...."

"Zeta, listen to me, it's not your fault. I know what's on your mind right now, stop that thought" Arthur said, taking off my arms and holding both shoulders.

"What am I really thinking?"

"Natasha won't die today. You're not late and you're on time. Natasha will survive. He's just a normal fever. Please, don't make this little thing a burden on your mind. Back to being Zeta. Zeta?!"

"I'm sorry" I said, hugging Arthur.

"Don't apologize. Everyone has their own memories, some people show them and others choose to hide them. And those who chose to hide it had deeper wounds. Just as you prefer to hide it, I also choose to hide my memories. There's nothing wrong with hiding those memories, Zeta. There is nothing wrong with showing those memories. What's wrong is that you blame yourself for the memories God has written and make them the same footing for the memories you haven't even made."

"..."

"All the feelings you have for every memory in your life, does not mean the same feelings will fill the same memories. You can change your feelings every time you remember those memories, no one asks you to keep the same feeling for the same memories."

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