Mentari in the Night Sky

Keen

“How was the consultation yesterday?”

“Dad, Zeta forgot not to wear a hearing aid,” replied Ken.

I can still hear what my father is asking. I just don't want to answer. It's been 3 years, I've always intentionally forgotten about hearing aids when I'm about to meet my dad. I just don't want to talk more with my dad. There are many reasons that make me not want to talk to him, reasons that make me want to forget all the things that happened in the past.

My family and the Ken Family are quite a family, more than just being I think. The business my family and Ken's family run is different but with our marriage various corporate mergers have been done. Our family business center is in London but since 3 years ago dad moved some to Korea, just because I wanted to live in Korea. When I decided I was going to live in Korea, I didn't think my dad would be coming too but what was even more surprising was that Ken was also following me to move to Korea, one thing I still can't understand. Although my father moved to Korea, he traveled more often to London and met with my brothers. It could be said that only me and Ken were always at home.

“Until when will you ignore Dad?”

“Dad, Zeta wants to live,” my answer followed by a gripping silence.

All eyes were on me, not only the eyes of my father and Ken, but also the eyes of the servants and guards. I could only return one look, my father's gaze, he put a knife and fork on the plate and gave a sign for everyone to leave the dining room and leave the three of us.

“What do you mean, Zeta?”

“Zeta wants to forget everything. Zeta is tired and Zeta wants to live, despite everything that has happened. Therefore, Zeta begs Dad to stop making Zeta accept that painful past.”

Dad was silent, he just exhaled and kept looking me in the eye. A look that seeks conviction from my words or perhaps a guilty look.

“Ahh... It is now 7 o'clock, time for Zeta and Ken to leave for college. Can Ken bring Zeta, Dad?” cut off Ken before the atmosphere became even more gloomy.

Dad remained silent and just nodded his head. Ken reached my hand and held it. We walked away from the father who now also started walking towards his study. I think the words I said were enough to surprise Dad. All this time, I kept my mouth shut except for Ken and Irene, and people even thought I was losing my speech.

It was not easy for me to open my mouth, I needed great courage just to say one word. I need a good reason why I should open my mouth, which is the reason I just found out to Ken and Irene.

Ken took my hand off. He took my bag and hers before he took my hand back. We headed to the front yard where a car was waiting.

...-----...

“Looks like I could freeze to death.”

I ignored Ken's words and chose to look at the streets that were starting to turn white. The waiting winter has come. I didn't even see the first snow fall and I had to wait for warmth. It looks like this year's winter will be colder than ever. At least I don't need to make a wish for the first snowfall because it's all going to be as futile as it was 2 years ago. The prayers and prayers that I said 2 years ago have not been answered.

Some people were clearing snow blocking the streets. I wonder if they're cold or if they're used to the cold. For some people, their habits became their lifestyle and their way of adapting but why until now I still have not been able to adapt to the winter that I have been through for 22 years in my life. I was always thinking about the reason why I hadn't been able to adapt to the winter and I came up with a ridiculous hypothesis.

‘Maybe my heart went cold along with snow’

When I want to stay longer in my mind, there will always be distractions and I will never be able to get rid of them until the end of my life. I turned my gaze to Ken who was now putting gloves on my hands. He always forgot his gloves but he never forgot to put gloves on me. I forcefully pulled my hand after the glove was placed on my hand which shocked Ken. She looked at me and I glanced at her eyes before I turned my gaze to the rearview mirror where the driver and bodyguard were looking at us.

I opened my bag and I took a pair of black gloves. I just bought it yesterday before counseling with Irene. Actually I accidentally saw a store that sells a variety of funny trinkets and I found a glove that is not at all funny, more impressed cold. Something cold between something funny is a strange thing. And those black gloves remind me of Ken's personality.

“Should I put it on?” I asked when Ken was just staring at those gloves.

Ken immediately took the glove from my hand and put it on.

“Thank you,” he said with a big smile adorning his face.

I went back to observing the streets that were still quite empty. Ken and I always choose to leave in the morning. I don't know since when, all I know, it started with me.

“Where should we go first, whether to major in music or medicine?”

The driver's questions broke the silence. I kept staring at the street and Ken answered. I didn't listen too much to what they were talking about, I was still busy with my own thoughts.

“You crazy? You have an exam and you go to my major?” my question was so aware that it was in front of the entrance to the music department.

“I want to take you. My exam's at 10 and now it's 8. Oh.. and you remember me exam,” he said with a ignorant face.

I was silent and got out of the car. I took my foot to the music room. I know Ken keeps following from behind, he always does, whether it's leaving or going home from college. He never held my hand and walked parallel to me while we were in the campus environment. I don't know what the reason is and don't want to know but I think now it's time he stopped doing that. I stopped my footsteps and walked over to Ken.

“Why do you always walk behind me?”

“Because you don't like walking with me on campus?” hesitated answer.

“Where did that silly thought come from?”

"When a freshman welcoming event, you're not comfortable when people talk about us.”

Sometimes I don't understand his way of thinking, he always thinks of his own opinion without asking me first. Just because I feel uncomfortable doesn't mean I hate it. I stared at his eyes and immediately pulled his hand into my hand. This is the first time I've taken steps to get close to him. I don't know what the reason I did all this is, it seems like I'm starting to want to enjoy my life and she's been a part of my life even from before we were both born.

We continued to walk to the music room, some students who spent the night on campus began to come out of the room to just wash their faces or just want to breathe another air. They were surprised to see us walking side by side. I think there will soon be new rumors. To be honest, I'm quite enjoying the gossip about me and Ken at university. It's so nice to hear a story that even Ken and I never thought of.

“You okay?” ask Ken as soon as I sit down.

“Learn. You haven't learned anything for the exam later.”

Ken smiled faintly and began to open his medical tome. I also started rereading the previous lecture notes. For the business family, the choice of majors Ken took enough to make his father oppose him. I didn't know what he was doing until his choice was approved. A lot of people ask why Ken would rather be a doctor than be my father's successor. I don't know why and I don't want to ask.

Not because I didn't want to interfere in his life but because I was afraid of the answer coming out of his mouth, the answer I didn't want to hear. For myself, a Ken who used to always do whatever he wanted and not have a dream now turned into someone who had a purpose, that was enough. It doesn't take a question to motivate him and it doesn't take a motivation to convince him he's already someone responsible for his own life. And also I still don't want to be involved any further in his life. I don't think our marriage was something that could have pushed me to go into her life any further.

Slowly the class became crowded and I foolishly forgot my hearing aid. I turned my eyes to Ken who was very serious about reading a book full of anatomical images of the human body. Some people looked at us and smiled as soon as I looked back at them. I could only scratch my neck that was not itchy.

I saw the clock on the wall, 15 minutes away at 9, I'll wait until 9 to get Ken to go to his department.

“Ken, it's 9.”

“Ah...I feel my brain will explode,” he said while cleaning up his messy books and I helped him.

“Oh...have many people turned out, sorry I entered your room. I beg you to take care of my wife,” she said before leaving the music room.

The people in the class just laughed and some pointed their thumbs at Ken. I know they want to be close to us but I always keep my distance from them. I know how good they all are but I still can't open my life to new people. Someone called me and pointed at the door. I turned my eyes and there Ken stood looking at me. I thought he was gone daritadi. Just before I was about to stand up, he stepped his foot towards me and kissed my forehead, making the already half-crowded classroom very crowded.

“I'm sorry I couldn't pick you up. See you at home.”

...-----...