Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: Choices

Aunt Emily immediately threw the empty bottle that previously contained drugs onto the table in anger. Doctor Margaret just kept silent watching the anger of auntie along with Ken who was also picking up bottles that fell. I also don't know when I'm taking all those drugs. I only know what it's like to be unable to sleep until I unknowingly finish those drugs.

"We're going to do a thorough test to see if the levels of those drugs are in your body whether they reach toxicity or not" Aunt Emily said, still angry.

Esme's doctor took a stand this time, asking Auntie to sit down with Doctor Margaret and Ken but Aunt refused and insisted on taking part in the counseling session today. I think Auntie just wanted to nag me, take the place of mom.

"What do you want, Zeta?" doctor Esme asked so successfully to calm the aunt.

"Sleep well" I replied, giving a blank look.

"That's all?"

"Hate."

"Who do you want to hate?"

"Lord."

"Why?"

"Should I tell you all my stories that the doctor already knows?"

Silent.

I got out a letter a few minutes ago and I read it. I gestured through the eyes for Doctor Esme to open the letter, hesitatingly opening the letter in her hand. Only silence was given in response after reading the letter. He put the letter back on the table, just as I did he did not want to read it a second time.

"What are you gonna do?" doctor Esme asked so a curious look was given to her from either Aunt Emily or Doctor Margaret.

The question that was just asked managed to get Auntie to approach me. Auntie took the letter and read it. It didn't take long before Aunt sat down next to Doctor Esme.

"Don't do it" said Aunt Emily in a commanding tone.

"Aunty is there anyone who never blames God for the fate that befell him other than mother?"

Aunt Emily just fell silent as she looked at me with a sad look. The gaze that managed to resuscitate me back would be the loss I experienced. A look I don't want to get from him.

"Zeta wants to hate dad but Zeta can't do that because mom always says she's so grateful to be able to give her love to dad. Zeta also wants to hate the woman who has already ruined her mother's life but the mother asks Zeta to accept the woman's child. Mom even gave Zeta permission if Zeta wanted to donate Zeta's spinal cord. Auntie, does all this make sense? I want Zeta to save the child from the woman who destroyed her."

"Zeta is also very anxious to hate God for all these unfortunate destinies but mother always taught Zeta to never hate God for all the destinies that befell Zeta or our family. Even to have feelings of hate, Zeta can't. What should Zeta do with this feeling? A feeling that's already so stifling."

As soon as I finished my sentence, Ken came up to me and took the letter from Auntie's hand. Dr. Margaret just kept quiet to see all this without any desire to read the letter that made the atmosphere in this room very heavy. I think he just wants to do his job as my doctor in charge without wanting to get further involved in the Allison Family matter.

"Zeta," call Ken while putting a letter in his hand in his pocket.

"I know you'll never let me."

"No. You will do or not do donor, I will support both. I'll support everything you do as long as it keeps you from feeling pain and regret" she said as she turned her body toward me.

"Ken!!" aunt Emily shouted while trying to pull Ken's body to face him which ended in failure because Ken's body was bigger and stronger than Aunt.

"Can Auntie hide this from father, Brother Will, and Brother Arthur?" my many.

"No. Auntie won't let you. Never will."

"Zeta wants to go escape the Allison Family but Zeta feels Zeta's escape will only be filled with regret. Emily's aunt, Zeta doesn't want to feel regret again for the umpteenth time. Very painful and painful. All this makes Zeta want to give up."

Aunt Emily is back. He looked at me still with a look of disbelief. I returned his gaze with confidence, making him instantly exhale a long breath.

"Tante will always be by your side" he said, giving up.

"Thank you" I said.

...-----...

"What are you doing here?"

My question shocked Caroline to the ground. He looked at me in disbelief, he was like he was guessing whether the woman in front of him was really the Zeta he knew. I stretched out my hand to him, making him even more confident in my presence. He accepted my hand with much doubt.

"Didn't I tell you not to come to Wales for a few weeks?"

"I didn't come to see you" she replied as she tidied up her clothes.

"Sister Arthur?"

"If you still like her, why did you let her go and get engaged to another man?"

Caroline just stared at me. I took a slow breath and sat down on the sofa that was right in front of us. My intention to come to this place was to want to see Olivia and meet Arthur but who would have thought I would find my best friend was spying on my own brother. It was common knowledge among us that Caroline liked Arthur, a feeling that has never been avenged until now.

Caroline pulled my comfortable body onto the sofa. He took me to a place where patients used to spend their time enjoying the green grass and the blue sky. Unfortunately, now it has entered winter and of course the sky is not as blue as other seasons. I followed Caroline so excitedly that she suddenly stopped and pulled my body behind the tree, making my shoulder hit the tree hard.

"I just want to make sure that Brother Arthur is okay. He never showed his feelings" he said with a fixed gaze on the two people playing on the swing. The two men are Arthur and Olivia. I followed Caroline who was still observing Arthur, unlike her who was observing the togetherness of the two people, I prefer to observe Arthur's eyes are still quite moist. The eye that for others is a normal eye but for me and William the eye that Arthur now has is a tear-filled eye.

...-----...

Yesterday night...

'Hello dear, baby,

If you are currently reading this letter, it means that you can no longer answer all your curiosity. I can no longer accompany you to do various kerandoman. And I can no longer erase all your pain.

I'm sorry, Arthur. Maybe you'll wonder why I apologized to you but this is all I can do, apologize to you, for all the love I gave Zeta. I know that when you were in elementary school, you were always jealous of all the affection and care that I gave Zeta. Forgive me for not being fair to you then. Sorry, Mother.. Forgive Mother who even for now remains selfish by preferring Mother's happiness over yours.

Arthur, I have two requests. One, live with love. Do not cover up the feelings you have. When I wrote this letter, I don't know if I've managed to meet Mother's bucket list to bring you together with the woman you've always loved and always loved but if you've met her now, I beg you to take care of her like you took care of Zeta. And stop lying to your feelings because it will only leave a wound.

Mother's second request is not to hate your father, no matter what. Enough Zeta hates him, I beg you not to hate him. Unlike you who spend more time with your father and William, Zeta spends more time with Mom and she understands Mom's feelings more than anyone. When you can't show your mother's hatred for your father, Zeta will.

I love you and love you even after Mom's departure, Arthur.

Until Mother's departure, I will always love your father.

Your sun is starting to sink, though,

Mother's'

I accidentally found a letter telling Arthur to eat. I put Arthur's letter back in the envelope and placed it on the table, returning it to its original state. Now I know why Arthur kept quiet and cried in the room all night. He couldn't show his feelings, feelings that had already arisen once he knew the truth about father. He had to suppress the hatred that was in his heart.

I walked out of Arthur's room. I didn't want him to catch me reading a letter I shouldn't have read. If he knew, I guess he would no longer be able to hold back all the hidden feelings that were in his heart.

"Mother, I miss you so much. Even after I followed what you wanted, I still couldn't let go. I'm.i'm..."

Who would have thought the person who made us worry because he had not put anything into his stomach all day was sitting in the backyard of the house, a place that is rarely touched by others.

"I want to hate you, Mom. I really want to hate him but why, why can't I?"

Only a crying voice sounded the next second.

"Arthur please, tell Arthur what Arthur must do. Arthur please...."

...-----...

"Sister Will never showed his feelings" I said after regaining consciousness from daydreaming and making Caroline look at me in confusion.

"May I ask you something?" my question after making Caroline just fall silent.

"..."

"Why did you give up on Brother Arthur?"

"Zeta, there is something in this world that is destined to be mine no matter what the obstacles are and there is something in this world that is not destined to be mine no matter how I fight for it. Brother Arthur is something I fought for so much but was not destined for me. There are times when giving up is better" he replied while leaning his body into a tree.

"What you're doing right now doesn't show you've given up."

"I gave up on being by her side but that doesn't mean I gave up on seeing her happy. I'm just giving up on something I'll never get."

I gently patted Caroline on the shoulder and looked back at Arthur who was throwing a joke at Olivia. I knew that if not forever time could heal a wound but at least I knew that if time could give a new memory, a memory that would slowly reduce the burden and pain of a wound.

I guess, from this second on I'll never be able to tell Arthur the true feelings of mine. I don't want to add to the hurt and certainly add to the hatred he wants to feel. I don't want him to cover up his feelings like I did.

He'll be fine..

I hope..

...-----...