Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: A Round of Destiny

"What do you want to say to Zeta?" I asked as soon as Grandma left mom's room.

"Thank you for filling my bucket list."

"Mother, Arthur has contacted my father and I don't know about the divorce papers. Tomorrow I'll come here to clear up the misunderstanding."

Mother placed her right hand on the bed beside where she was lying, asking me to sit. I exhaled slowly before obeying his orders. Mother reached out a hand containing an infusion needle to me, I immediately received mother's hand and placed it on my cheek. Warm. Real warm.

Two weeks ago I accidentally saw my mom's bucket list, something I shouldn't have seen.

It made William realize the meaning of his life.

Arthur's trauma is gone.

Looking for someone who will protect Zeta no matter what.

Even the contents of the mother's bucket list are all related to her children, the happiness of her children.

Without even knowing my tears were falling. This made mother wake up from her sleep and look at me gently while wiping my tears. I also want to wipe away every tear that comes down from his eyes. I also want to accompany every silence due to the pain he feels. I want to replace my mother to hate my father. I really want to hate Dad…

"Darling?" call me worried because my tears keep flowing.

"What will you do once your bucket list is fulfilled?"

"Nothing I want to do."

"..."

"As I have and always have said, I have no regrets about loving your father. I'm happy and grateful to be able to give my love to your father."

"give? What about the reply you got?" muttered.

"Mother lies if Mother says love does not need anything in return because Mother really wants a reply to the love that Mother gives. But Zeta, the love a person gives can be a burden to the person who receives it. I want to get a reward for the love I give but on the other hand I realize that the love I give is a burden for your father. I can't do anything about it."

"..."

"Mother is so happy, Zeta."

I nodded, I did not want to make my mother constantly convince me how happy she was. I just don't want him to constantly tell me how much he loves you. And I just don't want the feeling of happiness and love that mom feels for dad to be gone just because no one believes it.

I just want to make my mom feel the presence of someone who believes in the love and happiness she feels, at least for today..

...-----...

It was a nice morning for me but not for Arthur. As soon as we reached the place where Olivia was being treated, Arthur immediately put on his bitter face. Looking at her who was not surprised made me certain that she already knew the existence of this place, maybe even she asked someone to always report Olivia's circumstances to her. It must have been William's intervention. I think you only need to do 50% of the effort to get Arthur to accept his past.

One thing I always hated about Arthur was how he always did whatever he wanted without thinking about the feelings of others. He walked straight to the room where Olivia was being treated, which surprised us all, especially Mom and Miss Jasmine, because none of us said Olivia's room number was being treated.

Now Arthur was just standing at the door with no desire to open it. What he is doing right now is the limit of what he can do. He was afraid that he would do something bad if he crossed the line he had been guarding for 5 years. He did not want his efforts for 5 years to end in vain and regret. But, did he not regret having kept a distance with someone he loved?

Mom catches up with Arthur, it'll only take 5 minutes before Arthur finally gets into the room. Mom is that good at persuading someone. I was just afraid that mother's persuasion sentence turned into a double-edged sword for Arthur.

"What I expected became a reality. Allison's family was looking for Olivia" I said, causing Ms. Jasmine to take her eyes off Arthur for a moment and walk into the room where Olivia was.

"Sister Arthur's gonna be okay, isn't he?" caroline asked worried.

"I don't know."

Ken pulled my body, making Caroline surprised because my body seemed interested in something. I immediately poked Ken in the face and followed the direction of his eyes that pointed at someone, Olivia. I think Olivia just finished her morning walk. He kept looking at Arthur, looking at him as if Arthur was the world he had lost and now he had rediscovered it.

I think his heart longed for Arthur but his body still did not accept his past. His body trembled in fear but he tried to convince himself that he would be fine, something he should not have forced on him because it would only make things worse.

"Oliv?!" Ms. Jasmine was surprised to see Olivia behind us. Mom Jasmine's shout made Arthur turn to us and his eyes were fixed on the figure he had longed for. What he feared, what he regretted, what he was worried about, were all gone once his eyes met the eyes he had long since missed.

Olivia glanced at me with a smile. I can't decipher for sure what that smile means, maybe an introductory smile because it was the first time I saw me and Ken, considering that I just had a chat with Ms. Jasmine without meeting her in person. She greets Stephanie and Caroline before walking into her room with Jasmine.

"Sister Arthur will be fine, won't he?!" ask Caroline for a second time.

"They'll be fine" I said as I sat down on the chair.

"They?"

"Sister Arthur and Olivia" replied Stephanie.

Did I look at Alvin the same way Arthur looked at Olivia?

Did my eyes glitter when I looked at Alvin like Arthur's eyes showed?

Was my face as happy as looking at Alvin as Arthur had shown?

And does my face also show sadness when looking at Alvin like Arthur showed?

I turned towards Ken who was looking at me, rather reading my mind. Stephanie pulled Caroline's body away from us, of course, with a rejection from Caroline before she finally gave up on the strength of Stephanie's hand.

"If you can read what I'm thinking doesn't that mean my face shows everything?" my reply left him a little stunned.

"Your face cannot show who you love. If your face can show it, neither I nor Brother Alvin will suffer just to find out who you love."

We were silent for a long time. Neither me nor Ken want to restart our conversation. We prefer to observe people passing by while immersed in our own minds. Without realizing it, my eyes were fixed on the room where Arthur was. I want to see if everything is okay or not.

"Go away" Ken said, giving Olivia a key, a key to the room. I shook my head and walked without that key, I just wanted to catch a glimpse to make sure everything was okay. I don't want to be involved in something that doesn't require my involvement, I don't want to be someone nosy.

"I know you'll always see me as a monster."

That was enough to make me stop at the door.

"You didn't even mention my name, Oliv."

"Me, your name.."

"My name still holds a wound for you, doesn't it? If only you didn't know me you wouldn't have experienced such a frightening and painful thing" Arthur said.

"If I hadn't met you I would never have known who I was and how I painted. I will not know love."

"That's not love. It's just pain, Oliv. The pain we associate with the word love."

...-----...

Yesterday night...

"It wasn't my father who sent the divorce papers. Dad was angry as soon as I asked about the divorce papers. I think someone else sent it."

"Sister, do you know why I asked you to come here?" my question left Arthur stunned.

"It seems like Brother already knows," I continued as Arthur just silently looked at me for 5 seconds.

"What are you and your mom planning?"

"I didn't plan anything."

"...."

"He is still the love of Brother and Sister is still his love to this day, what will Big Brother do if he asks Big Brother to come back into his life?"

"Love? It's just pain, Zeta."

"..."

"Love will not leave pain, man will leave it."

"And man also gives love, Brother."

Arthur looked at me intently for a few seconds until it turned back into a warm gaze. He rubbed my head gently, he was asking me to end this conversation. The swab of his hand showed how tired he was with everything that was going on at the moment and he asked me to rest for just a few minutes.

"Zeta, when one returns together with his past love it is not just about building the future but also accepting, letting go, letting go, and mengikhlaskan their past, the past that previously separated them. And I want to erase that past instead of accepting it. You know very well what it means to erase the past."

"Removing the past is tantamount to running away" I muttered with a smile from Arthur.

"And no love lasts long because of an escape, Zeta."

...-----...

"Arthur, I always try to make peace with the past just to be with you in the future. But why don't you try as I did?"

"Are you sure we can be together in the future?"

"Ofur!!"

Mom's screams sounded so clear even out of the room. There was doubt in the question Arthur asked. If you hear it well, you can use that doubt to attack Arthur, making him confess his feelings. Arthur is a typical person who will realize his feelings when someone makes the doubts in him as a weapon. He is someone who is aware of his feelings through the doubts he shows to others, doubts he is not aware of.

"Then why do you doubt that we will not be together in the future? You yourself even doubt yourself."

Checkmate.

Olivia's question left silence in the room. I knew at last that Arthur would accept his trauma and his past. She will re-accept herself, herself who loves Olivia so much and herself who can't save Olivia.

There will be no problems after this, there will only be a few arguments and I am very sure Olivia will immediately refute the argument. I decided to walk away from the room, back to where Ken and maybe my two best friends were.

"Hi."

My footsteps had already come to a halt long before the awkward greeting appeared. Those blue eyes greeted me again. Once again, the person I wanted to avoid so badly was now in front of me without a warning.

Who will be hurt again by this fate?

...-----...