Mentari in the Night Sky

The Past: Farewell

"Can we look for clocks in other stores?!!" whining Rachel for the umpteenth time.

This is the third time we've moved to a watch shop because there's no clock that would suit Rachel's wishes. The whimper he let out had also become the sixth time I had seen it before my own eyes. Some store employees have also tried to bring out their best collections but still there is none that he likes. I don't know what clock he's looking for is that collarbone or he just wants to spend more time with Alvin, it's more like he wants to monopolize Alvin right now and show me that whenever Alvin will always choose him.

Alvin took a deep breath and apologized to the store clerk for not buying a watch that almost all of his models had on the table. If there was William or Arthur at this time, they would have bought a few hours because they felt the employees were working hard by spending and explaining about all the hours. I don't think Alvin's a guy who likes to spend money for no reason and for something he doesn't like.

"There's a clock shop on the 3rd floor, you can go there. I'll ask the store to serve only the three of you," I said, finally trying to revive the moribund atmosphere.

"What about you?" ask Alvin.

"I'm interested in a few hours at this store. I'll catch up after...."

"Ayoo, please? Hmm?" cut Rachel back in a cute tone she made up.

Alvin smiled briefly at me before finally leaving me alone in the VIP room of the store this hour. I went back to observing the watch and picked up one of them randomly. I didn't want to linger and ended up not being able to determine what I should buy. I don't really want to stay in this store either. I am tired and want to go home.

"Can I get a piece of paper and a pen?" ask me while giving my watch box and debit card to the store manager.

"Will we get you, is there anything else Miss Allison wants?"

"Miss Allison?" I surprised the store manager.

"It looks like all the shops in this mall already know about my arrival. No problem, you have nothing to fear," I continued after seeing the manager's face in front of me turning pale. I don't know if Uncle Stephan will do anything like tell the whole mall about my arrival. Actually, I had expected that uncle would do something like this to help him find me if I was suddenly not within the reach of his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing wrong here but if you feel guilty can I ask for help again?"

The manager and the store clerk came back to see me where they had been bending their bodies and making their faces stare at the floor.

"Can I get a marigold flower? I'd be very grateful."

"Good, Miss. And this is for the paper and pen that Miss asked for."

"Thank you."

"We'll leave Miss if Miss wants time alone."

"It seems like I'm really an easy person to read," I replied with a small laugh, making the manager and the store clerk inevitably have to give their little laughs before leaving me.

'Hi, when you read this letter at that time you already know what answer I will give. Big Brother would probably think the word love I gave to Big Brother at school back then was a lie after reading this letter but I never lied anything to Big Brother and Big Brother knowing about it. The lie I did to Brother was when I wrote this letter. I hope Big Brother regards the lie I gave through this letter stroke as the truth.

Forgive Zeta for not being able to give you the answer you wanted, the answer you've been waiting for for almost 3 months. Forgive Zeta for not being able to give a rational reason to Big Brother, a reason that Big Brother might very well want at this time. Again forgive Zeta...

Pardon us.

Only one word can Zeta give as an excuse because Zeta prefers to love herself Zeta than Sister.

Thank ye.

Only those two words could Zeta give in return because Zeta could choose to love Zeta instead of Sister.

Goodby.

And those are the only two words Zeta can give as a farewell because Zeta wants a trace of farewell to Brother.'

"I'm sorry Sina."

I immediately folded the paper and placed it into the clock box as soon as I heard Sina's hoarse voice. The little girl stood beside the chair I was sitting on with watery eyes. I put the clock box on the table and stood up to Sina and told him to sit next to me.

"I'm sorry Sina" he said once again with tears streaming down, making me give my handkerchief to him.

"For what?" ask me after Sina is calmer.

"Sina should know if all this truth is not only painful for Alvin but also for." he said.

"Sina can call me sister,” I said after knowing the reason she stopped saying her sentence.

"For Brother Zeta. Sina..."

"Sina, I will also choose the same thing as you. I would prefer an older brother whom I have met since the time I was born to an older brother whom I just met not even 1 day. I'd prefer to protect Alvin's heart."

"Then what about Brother? Who will protect Zeta's heart?" her tanyakan makes me stunned.

"Someone is out there."

"I'm sorry Sina. Forgive Mother Sina for making all these things. Sina should never have been born into this world. Forgive Sina. Sorry."

I can't hear any more of the words Sina said. Just an apology I've heard repeatedly. I knew from the beginning that I could never hate anyone. I also knew from the beginning that I would consider Sina as my sister. I know, I can't do this but I can't ignore the cry of a 15-year-old girl who needs warmth right now. The warmth she may never have felt as a sister. The warmth she always longed for even though she had never felt it.

I did know from the beginning that Sina never got a single piece of paternal affection. He only gets affection from his stepfather, a father who does not yet know the truth about himself who is not his biological son. I know how the fear she feels every day, the worry about the truth about her is revealed. I know all that and I ignore it. I treated her like she wanted to be treated as a tough girl. But he is the same as me who is very fragile. He's the same as me who doesn't want any other truth in my life.

"Save this bracelet," I said as I gave the red bracelet, the bracelet that my father started giving me when I was 4 years old and my father kept giving it every year according to my growing wrist size.

"What's this?" tanyanya rubbed her tears.

"The bracelet you give me every year. Assume with this bracelet, you will feel the presence of father. The affection, love, warmth, and hugs that my father gave me were all recorded in this bracelet. Keep this bracelet and I hope you can feel all the things you've never felt from me."

"What about Brother?"

"Son't you hate daddy?"

Just a smile I gave in response.

'How can I hate you when you think of all these nightmares as happiness?'

I couldn't possibly give such an answer to him or the guilt that was inside him would get bigger. The foolish deeds done by father really hurt a lot of people. The irresponsible actions that you do make others responsible. How could a man of age and mind do something like this?

Sina is wearing my bracelet to his hand. He was even able to return to show a smile just because a bracelet that was currently probably no longer valuable to me. What would he do if he gave his affection to him?

"Sina?" call me.

"What's up, brother?" reply with sparkling eyes, of course, because the red bracelet was successfully installed in his hand.

"May you ask for help?"

"certain."

"Give this ring to the woman that Alvin chose. Promise me that she'll wear this ring without ever letting it go" I said, taking out the box containing the Nakamoto Family ring that Alvin gave me.

"Sister Alvin gave me this ring?" her tan was surprised as she took the box in my hand.

"He gave this ring to me without any intention. Brother Alvin just spontaneously gave it to me."

"Sister..,” he said slowly.

"..."

"Sister Alvin never gave this ring to anyone. This ring is the same as the life of Alvin. He once said he would give this ring only to the woman he loved. She doesn't care who she ends up getting married to but the owner of this ring is the only woman she will love for the rest of her life. Sina could not help Big Brother even though Brother said Brother Alvin gave this ring spontaneously without any intention because Brother has become the owner of this ring. The brother who had to give it back himself. Forgive Sina."

"..."

"Sister must hate Mother Sina for making such a painful destiny. Brother can even hate Sina but Brother must not hate Brother Alvin."

"..."

"Anyone who has a ring from the heir of the Nakamoto Family will always protect that person even with his life. Brother must not hate Kak Alvin because that hatred means Brother does not want Kak Alvin in Big Brother's life and that means Kak Alvin must disappear from this world. Never once said that Brother hates Brother Alvin even when Brother returns this ring. Sina please."

What am I supposed to do now?

...-----...

I left the date as soon as my conversation with Sina ended. There have been more than ten calls that my phone has received and none that I have received. Earlier I also asked Uncle Stephan to give Alvin a watch box once I decided to end the date today. Looks like the phone kept coming because Alvin had read the letter I wrote. I was afraid that when I answered the phone from him my heart would fall. I don't want to love someone who wasn't meant for me. I don't want to love my own brother...

"Uncle, Zeta wants to walk under the rain," I said as my uncle paddled me.

"Miss will hurt."

"Zeta please, let Zeta walk under the raindrop."

"No, Miss."

"Uncle, Zeta wants to cry but Zeta can't because people will know if Zeta is crying."

"We will walk 3 meters behind, Miss," replied the uncle relented while exhaling a long breath.

The rain falls back on my head. I raised my head up and one drop of water fell right on my cheek, making it flow along with my tears. It is painful to cry in this way. The pain I felt I could not let out freely through crying. The tightness that was inside my chest was only increasing in this way.

The rain grew heavier, making my body slowly moistened by the water and making my cries even more invisible. I kept walking not knowing the direction, I just walked where my feet took me. As long as Uncle Stephan doesn't hold me back, I don't think walking without this direction is a problem.

"You're gonna get sick."

Two men with black umbrellas in their hands confronted me, stopping their steps not knowing my direction. I stared at her soft eyes which instantly made me cry out loudly. I dropped my body to the ground, causing Arthur to walk over to me and paddle me while Ken stayed where he stood while looking at me worriedly.

"I can't hate him. I can't hate him Brother, he's our brother" I said, holding Arthur's arm very tightly, causing the umbrella he was holding to fall and the rain to drench us both.

"I know."

"I love him, I love him so much. What am I supposed to do?"

"..."

"I can't just leave 'good-bye' to him, sister. I wasn't..."

"Stop. You'll just end up blaming yourself" Arthur cut open while tightly hugging my body.

"Just like when you accidentally met, consider this separation as an accident" continued Arthur.

"How come after all the memories we've made?"

"A lot of people out there are separated for reasons that don't come in. Some say they don't love each other, they're bored, or something changes within them when they can still retain future memories that they can build together and they prefer to part ways. But Zeta, you are different from them, you are no longer able to retain your future memories. Your memories have stopped when you know the truth. If you force, then the wounds and pain created will be even greater. As I said, treat this parting as an accident the same as when you first met."

"..."

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect your heart. I'm sorry I always said I would protect you. I'm sorry I haven't been able to be the big brother who can protect you so well, Zeta. Now we're home because there's something about your polygraph and Ken's."

...-----...