WORRIED

RASA (The Beginning)

The car drove to Sindi's house. Sindi finally reached her home. It was me and Raka in the car. Silence, not a word came out of our mouths. When driving Sindi the car drove quickly, but when it would take me home Raka drove it very slowly. I don't know what speed this car is. I'm getting uncomfortable and awkward with situations like this. Usually from Rumah Sindi only 15 minutes why this so feel an hour.

"Can't bring a little bit of his car." My speech.

"The road to your house is narrow and my car scratches and abrasions." Answer's cuek.

In front of the alley of Raka's house put her car down, followed me home.

"Where are you going?." I asked to see it behind me.

"You go to the house of the future-in-law." Keto.

"Home home this time already want maghrib I do not receive guests well." I abandoned. He pulled my hand tightly. Hobby as if he was tugging at my hand until this hand was almost out of my body.

"Megan, can't we be friends, I'm a fan of yours. And do not expect to be your boss. Maybe we're a soul mate." His laughter stupefied me. Very handsome, let alone dimples it attracts its allure. I'm forgetting myself more and more.

"Gue doesn't want to be friends with a jerk like you, nothin' has dared almost nyium me." Suddenly I stopped with my words. Duh why the hell should I say that. My face must be red like a boiled crab. I dare not look at Raka's face just bowed

"Okay I'm sorry, I'm not going to do that again, from now on I'm going to be a friend like that friend of yours." Raka apologized sincerely.

"OK good, you have to behave like a friend, if you want to visit home do not necessarily have permission first with me. Don't come by like a jelangkung again." My answer.

"Okay sweet boy, I'll go home first." Raka came up to me and whispered something in my ear.

"Don't let you fall in love with me because I don't know if you love me I can forget myself, even I won't let you go." He left me who was sculpting.

I swallowed my salivary. I didn't expect my heart to hear this story. It was only the first time a man had revealed such things to me. Even though I'm 18 years old, I've never been in a relationship. I'm always insecure maybe because I'm not as pretty as the girl out there. I was in love once, but clapped one hand. That's where I don't open my heart anymore. Until now felt the Second Fall of Love.

No one else can make me what I am now. Feelings of happiness, feelings of uneasiness, restlessness, it seemed like I was dancing around. It's an incredible feeling that I'm hard to describe again. Is this the beginning I will fall in love again. I don't understand my feelings.

Next Monday I'll follow UAN at school. I should be able to divide my study time and work.Because at school in quiet time, I can repeat the lessons at school. Because my IQ is above average I believe I can do exam questions, I am confident in my ability.

"Megan dinner's ready, son." Mom yelled at me from the kitchen.

"Okay mama." I got off my desk.

"Well, now I'm so grown up, I can ask you something." I looked at mama.

"Ask what you want to ask." Mamah devoured her dinner. My face is old, almost 55 years old. It already looks wrinkled on his face. His face is always shady. There's peace there.

"Is mom happy?." I asked seriously.

"You're happy to have a child like you and your brothers, you're proud mama. Why you should feel unhappy." My answer is not at all lying.

"Not that, Megan meant what a happy mom married a dad. Being father's wife?." I looked back at my mom. But the expression of the mother remained that way.

"If you are unhappy, you will not bear children until you." Mom went back to eating the food on her plate.

"Well, why would you want to be polygamous with 3 other women. Why did not mama refuse? and get divorced from dad."

I dare to ask like that. Actually I never wanted to ask him. But I want to know why there's such a mamah woman's heart in this world.

"Well, what is the law of polygamy? I should've been fair." I said in a still full of questions.

"You are searching google deh son, now there are many youtube lectures there. There is also an online study. Or you can ask ustadz join the weekly study mama." Mamah continued to answer casually, there was no look of sadness. There was only peace in every look in his eyes.

"But I want to see from the view of mamah as my mother mah." I'm getting more urgent mama.

"Don't your father be fair?." Mom began to question me and turn her questions around.

"Dad, father there is no fair mah fifth child of stepmother all successfully schooled, while the child of mamah all have to bother just for high school. Is that fair, huh?." I almost shed tears.

"Does the son of your 3rd and fourth father's ex-wife go to high school? maybe they're more troubled than we are. It wasn't all your father's fault. Forgive me for not being able to please your children. Mama can't make you happy like other kids."

There are tears at the end of the eyes mamah. I hugged mama. I heard the sound of mama's voice. My embrace is getting tighter. I kissed mama's cheek.

"I'm sorry, I'm demanding too much. Mamah is the best mother in the world, my heart is like an angel, I was wrong to make you sad, from now on I will accept all these circumstances. I will try my best to be happy. I promise I won't let you down." I also started to shed my tears.

"Son, live your life happily . Don't mind your past. That was a complete mistake. Be happy with yourself.love yourself. You better take it tomorrow's school." Mom moved from her seat

"Oh well mah tomorrow I have started work . After school I work until 10pm." I wiped my tears.

"Is it okay for you to work while you're testing soon? For money problems spp you mamah have asked for help with your brother. You don't have to work hard." A worried look on my face

"What a hell, I can divide my time, it's an opportunity so when I graduate I don't have to work hard to find a job." I convinced Mom not to worry about me too much.

"Alright but take care of your health do not eat late, go in and rest." Mom also left the dining room.

My mind is still asking, why are you so strong. Mama can divide everything so strongly. I know how heavy the burden is.

For me polygamy is not at all very profitable . In my view, polygamy is not only fair to the wife. Children should be treated fairly and equally. There is justice in this world. Besides Rosullulloh it is very difficult to be fair. Only God knows what justice is like. I still hate my father. He's not like the father he should be . He's just the mediator I was born in the world not the father who gave life, not even affection.

But I'm still grateful I still have a mother and sister that I love so much, they love me too. It's not fair to be sad about one thing when there are so many other things I have to be grateful for.

Scribbles of worry novels

With night ,

If a final word is to go then let it all slip away.

Especially how God gives the best way.

Life is for happiness. Moreover, there are many things that must be sacrificed.

A mother stepped on coals scavenging her child so that she herself would feel pain so that her child could be saved.

His son smiled, while he was tucked away happy.

The LORD is just without us asking for justice. Do not be a despicable human being in the eyes of God asking for justice for happiness but not heeding God.

We are despised as human beings. Tau diirilah .