WORRIED

DILEMMA (Generic)

" i was shocked so silent when he kissed me earlier, have not had time to refuse you have been staring at the door, the incident was very fast, believe me this time only megan, I beg you " raka's voice shook, I still silently listened to her explanation.

(gaze at Raka)

" Raka I can't continue this relationship" I said without looking at her face.

" do you not believe all my words?" ask her with a slightly raised tone. His face flushed for a moment.

" our relationship can't go any further, aunty veron clearly considers nanda more than I do. We better end Raka" I held back my might not to cry anymore. I tried hard because in the future I had to be stronger to leave Raka

" are you giving up now?" his tanyanya was still in her regretful tone.

" yes I gave up. Me and you are too different Raka" didn't feel my tears falling on my cheeks. As powerful as I can withstand it finally escaped as well.

Right now I don't know what I feel. Hope Raka maintains. Or just hope he goes to let go. I gave up in this situation. I give up on this situation again. From the beginning why I didn't want to live like this, because I knew what the end would be like. But Raka convinced me of my feelings. I never wanted to be in this situation. How painful is my heart now. Faced yet my heart felt far away. He was in front of me but I found it hard to reach him.

" today I want to invite you to prepare for our application, with great mami ruining everything, and you don't trust me at all" he said in a trembling voice. Am I really hurting him right now? I also don't understand why the situation turned out like this.

" Raka I hope you keep your wish to propose to me before you can persuade your mama. " I looked at Raka there was a look of deep sadness on her face.

" i will never once let go of you, nor disappear from your life. But if I hurt you too much, I'll never force you to stay. To be next to me. " Raka's eyes turned red and she shed her tears. This moment really frustrates me . The dilemma between staying with her or me having to let her go. If I had to be selfish I would have stayed with this relationship. Like a selfish nanda, she could persuade her aunt Veronica to stay by her side.

" i need some time" I hurried to leave Raka sitting down. He didn't stop me this time . My tears are falling again. I left the building.

Along the way I just cried. It feels ruined . I was too weak with my own feelings to be able to strengthen myself to accept this situation. Right now I want to calm myself. It takes time to be alone. I opened the train app. And book a ticket to yo-ga for tomorrow.

***to mom

mah Megan today went to a teteh house in Yogyakarta. Mom don't worry about me. I just want to take a little vacation.

*** mama

why sudden?did you call your teteh before there.

***to mom

it's mah , teteh let me come. Be careful at home.

I do not want to go home at this time , I decided to spend the night at the hotel before I left . Because Raka will definitely look for me at home. After checking in the room. I put my body in bed. Slender. That's how I feel I'm lonely. But to tell a story to a mamah at this time seems impossible. After sending a message with my teteh in yogya I deactivated my hapeh. And I fell asleep too.

From inside the hotel room came the sound of the dawn. The sun has not yet revealed its light. I rushed to the bathroom, and prepared to go to the city station.I picked up my phone and activated it again. So many messages from Raka.

***Racus

Where's your darling?

I'm at your house, and mamah says you've gone to yogya?

I'm sorry I always hurt your heart.

Please reply to my message.

I just stared at every message from Raka. I saved my own wine. I picked up my bag and ordered a taxi online to get to the station

Raka I love you so much, even I love you so much that it's hard for me to let you go . You should know you have a place in my heart at any moment. If you know I'm so disappointed right now, I need some time alone. I'm sorry ..I don't want to be too selfish to hold you back because of my feelings. Your mom deserves more of your life.

My mind is not always on Raka. My world is gone with him. This heart has been exhausted. I don't know if I can open my heart to others. I was on a train to Yogyakarta.

I hope there I can calm my heart and even let Raka go forever.

(hapeku's ringing sound)

I saw my hape screen. Alex called me .

" where are you?" ask without saying hello.

" you're not polite if you call greetings first why there's manners around that" I said annoyed.

" i'm just you where you're nagging" he asked in annoyance.

" i'm on the train going to yogya. why the hell" asked me to be upset too.

" you're okay , ? " tanyanya

" why the hell lex, I'm okay I want a vacation" I was upset with all the questions.

" be careful you're there. Wednesday you have to be in bandung, Thursday we have a schedule"

" well, I've been sleeping" the reason I wanted to end the phone.

" i'm worried about you, I know what happened yesterday" he said.

"i'm fine already. I want to take a vacation I'm tired of "

bippy

I turned off Alex's phone. I deactivated my simcard.

My soul misses. (my inner self)

After almost 9 hours on the train finally arrived at Tugu kota yogyakarta station. The atmosphere of yogya is different, the customs feel thick when I set foot in this station.

I ordered a taxi as soon as I was outside. Give me my teteh house address. Almost an hour from the station to the house. Then I was in a beautiful and simple house.That's where I lived with his little family.