WORRIED

DILEMMA (My happy reason)

" why are you here" I asked rudely.

Raka was fully aware. Teteh and brama left us. Raka just stared at me without blinking

" even dumb again. I just want you to come here"

" duh honey, you're so rude the same boyfriend himself, like I'm not happy I came?" Demonizing

" who is your boyfriend, we have broken up, and again you disturb my holiday event where I can be happy" my lips are so much upset and shocked.

" when did we break up? I haven't cut off our relationship" he said casually.

" what don't you miss me?" he put on a pouting face.

I still quietly did not understand what else to do and say. I took a towel hanging in the hanger. But Raka pulled my hand. I looked at him with a cold look

" wasn't it?" ketus

" knakan. I'm not letting go. Why are you so fierce" he said in an annoyed tone.

" likes I'm none of your business" I took off Raka's hand with all my might. Leave him who is still sitting in bed. He heard her breathing rough

(inner Raka)

once I've had the trouble to get you, I won't let you off easily. Maybe this time I should try harder to take your heart

Sitting in the kitchen. Cleaning up your old dinner dirty dishes. I just came out of the bathroom wearing a kimono towel. My wet curls are unraveling. A trickle approached me

"heh wait, where are you going?" I asked when I saw that I was going into the room.

" more on tea, I want to change clothes" I replied as I left

" hey megan" had to stretch out her hands blocking my path.

"you forgot if there's still your girlfriend"

" aishh I forgot, but throw him out first I want to change clothes" I suggested

Teteh left me who was still pecking near the kitchen. After a few minutes, I told him to enter the room immediately. Teteh gave her hair dryer to me.

" dry your hair, and make warm tea for Raka"

" tea wait a minute, he wants to sleep where the house is only 2 rooms" I grumbled with my hands still holding the hair dryer.

" you sleep in the room. Let her sleep in the tv room, then provide a mattress and a blanket for her to sleep on" and leave my room. I locked the door.

Because of my thirst to open the door to room , I saw Raka sitting in the living room. .He didn't realize I was staring at him. I really miss him right now. I can't even hold back my tears right now. I rubbed it . I can't stand being in front of him when the fact is I can't hold it at all. I entered the kitchen to get a glass of water. But when I'm going back to the room. Raka was already staring in front of me.

"can we talk for a moment, I beg you to megan" Raka looked at me with a soft and warm gaze. Actually I don't want to talk to him right now. But I really have to straighten things out.

" we're talking outside, I don't want to wake up "I'm wandering out of the house sitting on the porch.

" wear I'll bring you a blanket, you are strong with this strong wind, "Raka left me on the porch. He came back with the blanket and I saw in his hand again a cup of warm tea.

" drink while it's hot" he ordered.

"megan" he said.

I was still silent, I was confused as to what to say in this situation.

" are you satisfied to have stayed away from me?" tannya

" i'm not satisfied, I don't even want to see you right now or forever. "I don't dare look him in the eye, my eyes are on the tea in my hands. Right now I'm lying to myself. I really don't want to do something this stupid. Maybe I'll regret it forever . All my life.

" look at me say that by looking into my eyes" he said

I still dare not look him in the face.

"look at me , say it one more time" he pressed

"well I'm not satisfied away from you, I don't even want to see you now and forever" I repeated my words then looked at her face, and held back any sense of raging in my heart.

"please, you don't be stupid like this, we can still keep me, maintain this relationship. Be megan's adult" Raka pleaded this time. I can't even talk, he always knows my heart.

" wait another 2 years I'll marry you" she said

" i can't, either tomorrow or 2 more years I can't continue this kind of relationship. I'm even tired of keeping Raka hiks hyks" I don't feel my tears falling at the end of my words.

" i will not force you to wait, give me 2 years I will return with mami papi to propose to you, this relationship is indeed too hurt us. I hope you can wait even if this has to end this time" (the eyes are glazed)

"i will fight for 2 years to convince my parents, if you are tired you can give up but I will not give up, because I love you too much"

" i hope that in the future you will not shed those tears of sadness, I hope that you can be happy with your life without me. "Raka's voice shakes. I know he's holding back his heartache right now and I just sobbed in my cries

(inner)

how can I be happy while the reason for my happiness is you Raka. You are one of my happiness

" may I ask for one thing before you're really going to stay away from me" she asked still waiting for my answer.

" i want tomorrow we both walk around yogya. Lastly I won't ask for your time anymore" his eyes glistened.I saw his hand rubbing the tip of his eye that would shed tears.

" yes, it's late we better sleep. here's your blanket to wear" I gave you the jacket and blanket. Leaving Raka who was still sitting on the terrace.

(inner)

should I kill my feelings for you Raka. You even let me go. Why is my heart still broken. You even want to achieve your dreams. Why can't I let you. Am I being selfish.

The night is getting late even though the eyes are very sleepy, but it is very difficult to be closed . Raka has filled my world. When I wanted to stay away from him at that moment my heart hurt. The hardest thing to do is to let go. Even my common sense is useless. He loved me very much, even far after I came to yogya. But lightly I broke his heart and hope. If only aunt veron understood a little about our feelings maybe I would never have happened like this. When we were close like this even I missed Raka.