The Light of ANAS

Reveal Why Arfin Left Naz

The naz POV

Love ,, the word is so simple and easy to say, but do you know what love means, be it against living things or inanimate objects, be it addressed to parents, relatives, friends, friends, the opposite sex, idols, food or animals and other objects. And what I now feel is love for the opposite sex, love for a good-natured handsome man I think, I don't know according to others, because I look at him with love.

For me love is a sincere feeling and comes from the deepest heart, accepting all the shortcomings of a partner, and always trying to make him feel happy even with a small thing. In a romantic relationship there are terms of each other, in addition to love and affection, also trust each other, understand each other, share whether it is sadness or happiness, and open to each other.

Now I am happy because my love that had been severed with the man I love so much has returned to connect again. I have decided to accept him with all his shortcomings, although he did not want us to be united again because he did not want me to suffer with him later. But our love was so great that I kept convincing him to make his defense collapse, so he restated his feelings for me and returned with me.

She asked me to sit next to her in this cramped bed and continue to hug me as if letting go of the longing she had felt for the past year, as if she did not want to be separated from me anymore. There is no more awkwardness among us who have started to joke again joking laugh cheerfully because of my pranks like before. The wounds and pain of separation seemed to be erased by the happiness we now feel.

“Chaya Dear,, now you can start telling me ??? before I finished receiving the KDRT from mu”, he said charging while insinuating.

“Hahahaha,, it's wrong who you keep talking about in hell”, I laugh at him instead.

“You you keep ih, Aa,,,”, he back protest.

“I'm sorry,, my goodness my noble forgotten servant,,, hahaha, please be advised, these lips are not used to the call yet,, because it has been too long never catapulted that call”, I said.

“Alright, for this time forgiven, if you forget again I will give the punishment to you, miss tengil”, yasalam punishment again.

“uuuhhhh,, tatut,,, hahaha”, I mocked.

“It's been, let's quickly tell you,,,”, he whines impatiently like a child who asks to be told a story.

“Alright,, as promised Aa yes,, do not get angry”, I reminded.

“Iya,,,”, the answer is short.

I took a deep breath to tell Kak Arfin everything. “So that time………………………………………………..

Flashbacks

yess,, I'm finally on the flashback, try if the cashback shopping section is more happy Thor...🤭

“Where is the power bank “, I said who was looking for Papa's order in my suitcase, but I did not find, “Waduh,, this is Dinda's old hood and glasses to the cemetery, right here, right,,,? May not Mother who put it in my suitcase and think this is mine”, I said in wonder and thought.

Then I looked into the cupboards and drawers in this room, including the tables and sofas, but still I could not find them.

“Yasalam, instead of last night Raline borrowed the power bank ku”, my words were just remembered, and I was looking in Raline's bed was a mess, because the bed badcover blanket used to sleep instead was left to shake, and I was looking for the bed, then I looked inside the blanket, “Well, here it is, “, I said when I found it complete with a data cable that was still connected to the plug hole, I pressed the button next to him to make sure the battery was still there, and it was lucky that there were still three dots on.

I made Raline's bed, and then I went out of the room, but when I opened the door, I was surprised to see someone standing at my door.

“Naz, can we talk? There are important things that I want to convey to you”, said the person with a serious look.

Seeing people standing in front of me made me think of him who had hurt me so much, “Sorry, there seems to be nothing to talk about anymore”, I said then lowered my head.

“But this is very serious, regarding the real thing you should know, I promise after this there will be no talk about this anymore”, his remark made me put my gaze to him, I hope, it was as if I felt tempted by what he was going to say, because that was what I had been asking and never got an answer.

I sighed for a moment, “Alright, please enter”, I said please and we entered, “please sit down, Aunte”, said I who then took canned drinks and mineral water, and then, then I put it on the table, “I'm sorry there's only this, hehehe”, I said with a smile, then I sat on the same sofa as him.

“Before I apologize for interrupting your vacation”.sapnya start the conversation.

“Don't be too formal like that, Aunt”, I replied smiling.

He also smiled ,”We haven't seen each other for a long time, and now you call me Aunt again,”, his words stopped for a moment and look like a long sigh, “Bi Darmih said you had come to the house to ask Arfin, and you thought that Arfin was very sick, until you cried to be told the whereabouts of Arfin, is that true? Do you still care?”.

I just kept quiet and lowered my head at a loss as to what to say, so I chose not to answer Aunt Hinda's question.

“Tante is sorry for what Arfin has done with you, Aunty has tried to ask him not to leave you to continue with you,, because Auntie believes you can certainly be her encouragement and encourage her to heal, because all this time she did not want to seek treatment or teraphy, and she prefers to accept the harsh reality in her, he said, and keep her away from mu”.

I could not bear to hear it and my curiosity had really peaked, “Kak Arfin what pain, Auntie?”, finally the question was thrown from my lips.

“Tante knows, the breakup of your relationship must have left deep and painful wounds, surely it is very heavy for both of you. Arfin did that because he loved you so much and did not want to make you suffer if he married you”, Aunt Hinda paused for a moment as if she was holding back from crying in front of me, but he hasn't answered my question.

“She regrets it so much,, she is so sorry for not being able to hold her love for you to bring you into a relationship that is not necessarily directional,,, and just after you heard our talk about the engagement until she refused to marry, she also felt shaken because it hurt your feelings, he continued to cry until he hurt himself by hitting the mirror with his hand until his hand was injured and covered in blood, hysterics,, it felt like Auntie wanted to run after you and explain everything,,, hyks, but just now Nervan said he wanted to see you and explain it, Arfi threatened that all the mirror fragments would be stuck in his body if anyone dared to meet you, Naz,,,,, you know,,,,hiks hyks hiks”, Aunty Hinda's words stopped because she could not hold back her crying.

I was very surprised to hear it, and I smothered my mouth with my palm, my heart felt sliced and could not imagine how he hurt himself because his guilt had hurt me. My tears rolled down my cheeks until I forgot to ask my question again.

“He kept crying until he was unconscious, and we took him to the hospital, and he got DHF and had to be treated, in fact, he was critical and entered the ICU room because platelets and Hb he dropped drastically also he was hard to eat and lack of rest due to continue to lament his mistakes to you,, hyx,,,,, and so on,,, he wants to eat if we threaten to see you,, hyster,, at that time your mother kept trying to contact Auntie, finally Auntie said that Arfin was being treated but don't tell me the same thing about you, and your Mother came to see several times, especially when Arfin was in the ICU room, your Mother continued to accompany Auntie,,, but Aunt had lied to him that the reason Arfin refused to marry because he had previously been betrothed to a girl and when Arfin had loved her was also ready to marry, he said, the girl just left because she did not want to marry a disabled man so that Arfin was traumatized by marriage,, hiks,,,”.

“Even at that time Aunty's son, Atikah gave birth to Aunty did not have time to accompany him, because Arfin needed Aunty by his side,,, hyks, and when he came to the funeral of the late Bude Hafsah, it was the day he was allowed to go home, he cleanly wanted to mourn even though Aunt had forbidden him and said you must be there, but he even rounded up his resolve to meet and talk to you,,, and,, by telling Auntie to tell you she's at the lake…. Hiks hyks,,, and when you go to the lake, Auntie follows you silently and hears your conversation”.

I just kept quiet by continuing to wipe away the tears that fell to hear all the explanations of Aunt Hinda, she also stopped occasionally because she continued to cry.

“After your departure from the lake, he was devastated, he cried so much and kept saying that you hated him so much and did not want to see him again…. Hiks hiks , ever since, she kept herself locked up in the room crying for regret and stupidity for hurting you while looking at your photos, and sometimes he smiles to himself like a madman while playing a video he gets from your phone,,, hysterical hysterics,,, no one can persuade him or advise him, until we brought in a psychiatrist and he was declared depressed Major..hiks hyks,, huhuhuhu..”.

“Tante,,”, I came closer to him and touched the backs of his hands and rubbed them as if I were strengthening him, when I felt very sad to hear it all.

“As a Mother, when she saw her son feel pain, then what Aunty felt many times the pain, and it was the toughest ordeal for Aunty, after facing Arfin who was devastated by the tragic accident. And after you broke up he was even worse and until depression, then Arfin underwent psychological therapy for two months with drugs prescribed by his psychiatrist, and after recovery, he intended to return to America because he wanted to really stay away from you, but the family aunt forbade him until there was a debate between us,,, and finally Mas Latief suggested that Arfin take care of our company outside the city, and this is where the choice, in Surabaya, on condition that no one should know about its existence here, he said,, and we agreed to it”, said Aunt Hinda who had started to stop crying, she held my hand and stared fixedly at my face.

“Naz ,, Auntie knows it must also be very heavy for you,, Auntie is really sorry for what happened, Auntie never contacted you again because it was bound by an appointment with Arfin,, though Aunty really wants to meet you, and she also still loves you very much even today, even she to build a house with the concept you want,,,, and she is still very much in love with you,,, minimalist but quite large exactly as you describe in your picture first, he up to display your photos in his room, as if you are the mistress in the house”, he said, said Aunt Hinda smiling.

“He lied,,, he deliberately so that you hate him more and don't expect him anymore,,, he also changed all the photos when he found out that you were in Surabaya to see your aunt's son who died, and Mbak Jum said, he replaced it when you passed out after falling into the pool,, and one more, Dilara's sister Arfin and her younger sister Dewi, where maybe they had a relationship”, Dilara, Aunt Hinda kept it all out.

“What?? In the presence of her cousin sister Arfin..??”, I was very surprised to hear Aunt Hinda's statement regarding Dilara's status in her family.

“Iya, and she already has a boyfriend “, said Aunt Hinda who reminds me of the man who with Dilara came to Om Aji's house this morning, who Dinda said was her boyfriend Dilara.

“So all that was just a charade? But why Auntie, why? If Brother Arfin still loves me, why would he want to stay away from me? What exactly happened to him? She's really why Auntie? What's he sick of? Hiks hiks”, I'm getting scared if Kak Arfin has a severe illness.

Aunt Hinda fell silent and lowered her head while closing her eyes as if there was a heavy feeling in her heart to answer my question, then she raised her head back, sighed for a moment, and then she, “After a tragic accident that almost took his life eight years ago left him paralyzed, he felt something strange about him, and he realized it after being able to walk again, and when the examination turned out he had Erectile Dysfunction, other languages impotent,,,”, said Aunt Hinda who again sobbed.

“What? Erectile dysfunction? Impoten?”, I asked in surprise.

Aunt Hinda nodded as she wiped her tears, “Iya,, Arfin had erectile dysfunction or impotence,, she had been on medication for four months and had therapy several times, but to no avail, and the doctor said he could not recover, finally he gave up and began to accept the bad luck that befell him, as the man was the most terrible thing also made it seem useless,, as well,, and that's why she never dared to approach any woman, she said she would never marry anyone, so when Auntie found out she liked a girl, she said, Aunty continues to encourage her to express her feelings for the girl,, the girl who is able to change herself into a jolly, the girl who is able to melt her harsh nature, the girl who always makes her happy,, the girl who always makes her happy,, that girl is you Naz,,,”.

“Erectile dysfunction,,, Impotent,,, what kind of disease is it ? it felt like the first time I heard about it, was it a severe and deadly disease, or was it??”, my mumbling in my heart and head was filled with question marks and fear that the illness could cause Arfin to die,

"Is it possible that he left me out of fear that I would be sad if he died”, I spoke again in my heart with tears that kept flowing from fear, afraid of losing her forever while I was not by her side to accompany her last days.

“You must be very surprised,, no one knows about this problem other than Aunt and Nervan,, even the Papi themselves do not know it,, we have recommended alternative medicine therapy,,, we have,, but she continued to refuse, Aunt was very happy when your Mother suggested that you get engaged and Aunt thought about telling you about this so you could persuade her to seek treatment again, so that he is not afraid to marry and marry, but unfortunately your relationship ends, hiks”.

“Tante,, what is Erectile Dysfunction is a very severe disease huh? could Arfin die from that? hiks hiks”, I asked with tears, but Aunt Hinda looked confused and surprised to see me.

“Naz,,, emmm,, it is not a deadly disease, precisely it is a humiliating disease, it can also be called a disgrace for a man”.

“Hah,, What?? Aibs? Embarrassing ?”, I was very surprised to hear it, “Is it some kind of HIV/AIDS,,,?”, asked me who had thought that far, and Aunt Hinda looked even more confused.

“Not Naz,, that, that, that, attacks the male vital organs, because there are nerves that are damaged so that the vital organs are difficult to wake up, emm like that kira”.

“Vital organs? That means kel*min tool?”, I said with hesitation and seemed to have got a little bright spot, but how does it sound slob yeah it feels to mention it.

“Iya, Naz,,,”.

“Emmm, what if you can't get up? Is that a big problem yes Auntie?”, my question is getting confused and Aunt Hinda also looks more confused.

“Oh, my goodness, Aunt forgot that you were a schoolboy, so you don't really understand that, um how do you explain it,,, emmm,,, you know,,, you know that if you are married, there is a thing called a birth and an inner living, if the living is born in the form of material given by the husband, while the inner living is,, emmm,,,,, if the living is born in the form of material given by the husband, while the inner living is, the,,, it's a bed affair, so if it can not wake up can mess up his bed business and as a husband he failed to give an inner living to his wife, he could not wake up, that means he will not be able to make his wife happy and will only make his wife tormented later”.

“Urusan bed?? What is it about the bed that makes a wife can be tormented?”, I asked more and more confused.

“Oh, geez, you really are still innocent yes Naz,,, emm,, that's a husband and wife relationship that sleeps together but does not wear clothes”.

I rounded my eyes as if my brain had just hooked up, then smothered my gaped mouth, “I mean s*x ?” relationship, I was hesitant.

“Well it knows, so if it can't wake up can't relate gituan”, said Aunt Hinda.

I just shut up and frowned and felt confused and clueless because my brain had not reached there, my mind was still gray when discussing the matter, really no shadow at all, I just mutter while grinning pretend to understand, I think later I just ask-ask to mbah gugel. “What is it can not be cured?”, ask me curious.

“Doctors say it can be cured depending on the severity and nerve damage,, at that time the doctor suggested taking a road and doing medical therapy, but after four months did not heal,, the,, finally the doctor raised his hand and Arfin gave up, but he had never done alternative medicine for fear that the results failed again and no one managed to persuade him,,”.

“So because of that problem Arfin did not want to marry, even with me, because he did not want to make me tormented while in bed,, ”, I concluded from Aunt Hinda's explanation of Kak Arfin's disease, even though I think my words feel strange.

“Ya is not just in bed, that is,,, how do you say, the point is that it can be a trigger for arguments in the household, he said, and Arfin does not want if you will not be happy if married to him, because everyone must dream of a happy marriage, durable and lasting until death separates”.

“So that's the reason he left me and didn't want to marry me, for fear of making me unhappy with him, so much his love for me that he tortured himself like this, did he know ,, he not only tortured himself but also tortured me, and I just knew his suffering was greater than after the breakup of our relationship, I regretted having uttered words that hurt him so much, he said,, it was fitting that he had said nothing but an apology, it turned out that he endured the pain in his heart hearing all my words,,, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me Brother Arfin”, I'm sorry, I murmured in my heart and it felt like I wanted to meet him at this moment to apologize to him.

“Naz,,, did after knowing this you will still hate it?”, Aunt Hinda suddenly asked me that question.

“Tante,, I never hated him,, at that time I was just upset that he never gave me a reason for his attitude other than just an apology he kept saying, and also just resigned with all my words,, I could not hate him as I said at that time to him, I kept thinking of him and until now I have not been able to forget him, Aunt”. said I bluntly.

“So you still love her too?? Will you still love him even though he has a lack of disease?”, he asked like he was testing me.

“Since the beginning of my relationship with him, since then I have accepted it with all its shortcomings, I love him not because of his property or position or his family's big name, but I love him even though he has shortcomings. I see him as a simple man who always looks and behaves as he is, who never shows off what he has or the property of his parents, he said, in fact he never said that he was his son Om Latief his best friend Papa who I don't even know which one. For me he was an ordinary man with his extraordinary attitude and was so patient in dealing with my tough attitude was also always there when I needed a place to complain, he said, he is the only man who is able to melt my heart with his love and sincerity, so it is very difficult for me to forget him, the more I try to forget him, the greater my love for him”, the more, I said what I had been feeling about Brother Arfin.

Aunt Hinda smiled at my words and seemed to breathe a sigh of relief, “Naz, do you hope to come back with her?”.

I was shocked to hear the question, and I felt ashamed to answer it, for it was actually my greatest desire at the moment, but there was fear in me, fear of his rejection again, “But Auntie,,,,, you know,,, Brother Arfin himself how?”, I asked back.

Aunt Hinda suddenly fell silent as if unable to answer my question.

------------ TB ------------------------------- TB

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