The Light of ANAS
Will You Forgive Me Somehow??
Not knowing what Naz was thinking, he was willing to stand behind the door of Arfin's room just to wait for him to eat, while he himself had not eaten, but he had not eaten, even up to an hour long he became the door kecen like the bodyguard sultan manjalita. Though the previous intention wanted to feed Arfin eat, but instead expelled first
“Hufthh,,, Long time very much eat it,, Fate,, a former who is not considered gini nih, where laper again,,,”, complained Naz slowly.
Having felt sore, he finally knocked on the door of Arfin's room.
Tok tok. Naz stepped into Arfin's room and apparently he was sleeping, he did not touch his food at all, because it looks still intact and stored in a drawer cabinet beside his bed.
“Ihhh,, you bitch, I'm tired of cooking, keep coming here until kicked out anyway and wait for the front door like a statue of a cursed maling kundang,,, it's not even eaten at all his food”, Naz grumbled in his heart.
Then he approached Arfin who was having a good night's sleep, then Naz pulled the blanket.
“Banguuuunnnn,,,,,!!! “, shouted Naz annoyed.
“What the heck bothers people to sleep just”, said Arfin annoyed while pulling again a blanket that had separated from his body.
“Why not eat the food??”, Tanya Naz annoyed while dabbling waist.
“I want Mbak Juminten or Mbak Retno who eat food,, then I want to eat”, said Arfin casually, while Naz gave a look of annoyance and anger, said Arfin, he stomped his feet and left Arfin's room.
He walked back to the kitchen, and when he got there he immediately delivered Arfin's message.
“Mbak Jum,, deliver food there, he won't eat if I drive him”, he said, he said he was upset then he walked back to his room while wiping away his tears that continued to fall because he was upset, angry and hurt will his jeripayah that seems not appreciated at all by Arfin. Naz, who was initially excited and optimistic to approach Arfin again, seemed desperate and gave up because of his annoyance and anger. Yes.just naturally his name is also still ababil... Abege.
Ceklek,, blam, Naz opened the door of his room and went in and closed it again.
While in Arfin's room, he sat on his bed when Mbak Jum came to his room with a tray containing the same food that Naz had brought but had been warmed. Mba Jum tells her that the food was cooked by Naz himself, and she waits a long time at the door to make sure Arfin eats and wishes Arfin to finish the meal, while he himself has not eaten.
“Mbak Jum,, deliver the food that Mbak just brought to Naz's room,, for sure he was very disappointed with my treatment earlier,, make sure he ate and after he finished his meal, I will eat”, said Arfin with a sad face.
“But Den, the food was cold tho”, Mbak Jum reminded.
“What's up, he's been hard-earned to make it for me”, he replied with a knotty smile.
“Yowis,, I'm sorry, Den..”, Mbak Jum also directly carry out the orders of his employer. And after Mbak Jum came out, Arfin sat pensively regretting what he had done to Naz.
Arfin POVs
“I'm sorry Naz,, I'm sorry, I had to do all this to make you hate me and stay away from me, even though it's hard and painful for me. I shouldn't have expressed my feelings for you in the first place and kept it in my arms, but I couldn't see you near another man, so the urge to have you was so strong, even though I realize I won't be able to have you forever. I'm sorry.", I'm in my heart.
Since the incident a year ago, that's all I kept saying when I remembered Naz... Especially now that he reappeared in front of me, when he saw your beautiful face that I always missed, guilt continued to haunt me...
"I'm sorry Naz.I'm sorry"
Flashbacks
I just came home from work after a tiring day with a busy office and a sudden inspection to the branch office, which turned out there I found some mistakes and employee negligence, coupled with unbalanced financial statements and smelling an act of corruption that certainly makes me angry there.
And when I just entered the house, I met Mami, then we sat on the sofa in the living room with dolls and some picture books complete with colored pencils. I don't know the whisper from which Mami proposed that I be engaged to Naz, but Mami knew very well that I wouldn't want to get married, but she continued to persuade me to make me ride the apoplexy.
“Again I reiterate, I will not marry and will not marry anyone, including Naz”, I shouted while standing. Then I heard a voice calling me Om Apin Ipin, who else called me that but Shanala, my niece. I turned my body to the origin of the voice, but how surprised I was, because not only was Shanala I saw, but there was Naz standing behind Shanala. Just like me, he also showed a surprised expression.
Like being struck by lightning in broad daylight, that is the same way we feel, she must be shocked and hurt to hear my words, as if I refused her to be my wife, she said, and just playing with his feelings without any serious intentions with him. My heart ached to see it that way, I kept silent and our eyes looked at each other, until he left which I believed to bring deep pain.
I continued to silently stare without wanting to chase after him, because I thought it would only be in vain. Mami kept yelling at me to teach Naz,
“Al,,, go after him,, go after Naz,,, come quickly after him and give him an explanation,,, Arfin...”, cried Mami while shaking my arm, wiggling, but I didn't budge and just kept silent. Mami ran about to chase after Naz but Nala's crying voice stopped her steps.
I dropped myself on the sofa with a blank look and a deep feeling of guilt and regret,
"I'm sorry Naz,,, I'm sorry,,”, I said in my heart.
The pain that so stifled my chest seemed to spread through my body because I had hurt the girl I loved so much, and she loved me so much too. My body seemed to tremble, lips as if numb suddenly silent unable to say a word.
“Everything is over,, everything is over”, I said in my heart, then I got up and left the living room for my room. I locked myself in my room, I screamed and ransacked my room and threw everything in my room to vent my anger at myself.
“Arghhhh,,, Why am I so stupid, why am I so selfish, why am I so cruel to have implicated a innocent girl as good as Naz in my life and with how much I have hurt her like this,,,,, you know,,, I'm sorry Naz, forgive me,”, I said regretfully with a rough swab of my head, then I hit the mirror with my fist until it broke and my hand bled.
I walked back and dropped myself beside the bed and leaned my body against the edge of the bed with tears of regret flowing down.
“Al,, open the door Al,,,!!”, I heard Mami yelling and knocking until she banged on the door, but I ignored her, until Bang Evan came and he did the same thing, kept banging and screaming calling me to open the door. Finally Bang Evan broke through the door of my room, and after it opened he entered with Mami who was screaming hysterically to see my state was very chaotic with my right hand covered in blood.
“Arfin,,,,, !!”, cried Mami and went straight to me who was lying on my back to the bed, then she hugged me while crying for my condition, while I was just silently pecking with tears that kept flowing, “My son,, my son,,, hiks hyks,, sorry Mami nak,, hyks,, this is all Mami's fault,,,,,,, this is,,, hiks hiks”, Mami kept saying sorry to me while crying, but I did not budge.
Mami let go of her embrace then turned to Bang Evan and Bi Darmih who were standing behind her, “Quick call the doctor,,,, !! why are you silent to see my son like this !!”, Mami yelled at the two men while sobbing, Bang Evan thrust a tissue and then called the doctor.
”Why did you hurt yourself like this ,Al,,,hiks hiks”, Mami held my blood-stained hand and then wiped it using several sheets of tissue.
“Don't talk like that Al,,,hiks hiks.. Mami's heartache to hear it, son.., hiks hiks,,, Mami will do anything for you Al, as long as you are happy,, nak,, Mami will always be there and accompany you in the face of all this,, hiks hyks ,, do not like this again ,Son, do not continue to hurt yourself, Mama kept crying.
Bang Evan came up to me and sat down next to me facing me so that I was halfway between Bang Evan and Mami, “This is all my fault Al,, this is all my fault,,, if not for me, if not for me, you won't have a lot of accidents that turn your life into this, I'm sorry Al, I've become a failed and useless brother,,,”, he said regretfully, “I'll explain everything to Naz, I'll help you fix your relationship”, he said, and then wanted to get up from his seat, but I held his hand.
“Don't Bang,, sooner or later all this will happen,,, I don't want to hurt her more anymore,,, Brother don't need to meet her and don't say anything to her”, you know, I said with a blank look.
“But Al,, I'm sure he can accept all of this,, he can accept your flaws right,,, ?? so he had to know all this”, Bang Evan remained tight-lipped.
“If you dare to meet him, I make sure all the mirror fragments are stuck in my body”, threatening me to stop it.
“Already Bang,, just follow his will,, Mami does not want anything bad to happen again to him,, hiks hiks”, hik, Mami who already knew my habits that never play with my words, asked Brother not to meet Naz.
After a while the doctor came and immediately treated the wound on my hand, even to the sewing because there was a torn wound due to broken glass. I still don't budge, just silent with a blank look like a depressed person. The doctor should not have to inject drugs while sewing the wound on my hand, because the wound in my heart was too deep so that I would not feel any pain even if the doctor dissected my body.
“I've hurt her Mi,, I've hurt her,, it's all over,,,, “, I keep saying it like a lost person because it really shook my soul. I was unaware of anyone's whereabouts, all I heard was Mami's cries that kept holding me, until I was unconscious.
***
When I woke up I was in a hospital room, with my hands set up, my body felt hot and weak helpless. I saw there was Mami who kept crying accompanied by Bang Evan and Bi Darmih while sitting on the sofa, while Papi was not seen because he was on a business trip to Hong Kong with her husband Mbak Atikah, who was in the middle of the night, my sister's.
“Al,, you are aware, nak”, said Mami and immediately approached me, ”Abang quickly call doctor”, he said to Bang Evan, and he pressed the nurse caller button. Before long, the nurse came to check on me, and it turned out that my body temperature was high up to 39.4°celcius. I was also asked to do a lab check by taking a sample of my blood.
After an hour the results came out along with the doctor's visit schedule and I was declared dengue fever. The doctor advised me to eat and drink a lot so that my condition does not drop because platelets for several days will go down, he said that is what will happen in the phase of dengue fever. However, let alone to eat a lot, even seeing food I do not lust.
“Al,, come on, eat,, you since yesterday afternoon have not eaten,, let you get well” quickly, Mami continues to urge me to eat with food brought from home, a bowl of bbur and a bowl of chicken soup.
“I have no appetite, Mi”, I replied with a sad look.
“Yes, Al,, you have to eat, don't torture yourself like this, if you don't want to think about yourself, think about Mami who since yesterday didn't want to eat either, because seeing you like this”, Bang Evan also persuaded me. “Nih your phone, who knows you want to see Naz”, said Bang Evan sebil thrust my phone at me.
“Abang,,, !!“, exclaim Mami while glaring.
“What do you mean?”, how do you wonder.
“Naz number has been active again, a few minutes ago he uploaded a photo on his whatsapp satus”, Bang Evan told me.
I also opened the whatsapp application on my phone and I saw in the status update, sure Naz had updated the status by using his old number, it seemed to have been taken care of after the pickiness the other day.
I can't wait to see it, and when my finger was about to touch my phone screen right in the status section of WA Naz, I undo my intentions, maybe I better not see it, I didn't, because he'll find out if I peek at his status and I'm not ready to communicate with him yet and not ready to explain anything to him. But, I really want to know her condition now.
“Abang, can I borrow your phone for a minute?”, I asked Bang Evan.
“OK, but you have to eat first”, he instead gave me the conditions as if he was persuading a small child, because my curiosity is greater, I finally followed the conditions from him, he said, I am willing to eat with a leaning sitting position on a bed that has been raised like a sofa bed. But only four mouthfuls I had felt nauseous and eneg, finally stopped, then I drank.
As per his promise, Bang Evan gave his phone to me without asking much. I immediately opened the whatsapp application which turned out there were still many chats from some women who had not been read and I did not care about it, I immediately shifted the screen of his phone to the Status section, finally I can see the photos that Naz uploaded, all the status updates yes I see.
I'm glad to see that she's been hanging out with her birth mother, even the photo shows that she's gotten along with Raline. I was happy to see his smile, even though he was hiding his wounds and sadness in it,
”He returns to being the old Naz,, who is good at hiding his sadness by smiling at others and pretending to be happy in front of others,, I'm sorry Naz,, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,, who has given you such a deep wound" I cried in my heart.
I gave Bang Evan's phone back to him, he saw the photos uploaded - Naz, “Al,,, you don't have to worry,, you see for yourself, Naz is fine, the proof is that he looks happy to go on vacation with his family”, said Bang Evan
“What?? Naz went on vacation?? Didn't he know Arfin's situation was like this because he thought about it?, whereas he instead went on vacation and had a good time? Does he not think about your situation or your feelings, Al? ”, Mami immediately sewot know that.
I sighed for a moment, “Mami, Brother, you guys don't know what Naz looks like,,, he's a typical person who likes to hold his sadness alone, he said, and in front of others he will be cheerful and pretend to be happy, including in front of his own parents, and that is what he is doing. He didn't want to involve others and share his grief with anyone, and for these four years he's only shared it with me, but now, I'm the one who hurt him, I gave him grief, I, you know, you know,,, I am the one who hurt her heart, and I don't know who she will share her grief”, I said with guilt.
They were silent after hearing my explanation, I was lying down again because my head felt dizzy and my body felt hotter, and red spots had started to appear on the surface of my skin.
“You can forgive Raline who has always done evil to you, you can forgive Aunt Rahmi who always rejected your existence and never be kind to you,, Will you forgive me later ?”, I soften in my heart, I close my eyes to sleep and hope all this is just a nightmare, which after waking up all in good condition is fine, including my relationship with Naz, my light.
--------------- TB ------------------------------------- TB
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It seems like there are several flashback episodes to explain where the Anas has been for one year,,, hopefully not bored with the Aa yeah,,,,,,
Happy Reading's….😘
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Tilimikicih,, Alapyu ol,,, 😍😍😍😘😘😘
