The Hurt

Finding Traces of the Past

It did not feel that three rods r*kok had fallen to the ground, accompanied by sunset I still did not move from where I stood. I softly say the word “God... Forgive me”. And at that instant I felt my soul carried back to the events of a few days ago.

Prologue

Solo, 2 days ago

(song : andra the Backbone – when the world was still ours)

Solo State University this afternoon the weather is dim and cloudy as if– would like to be a friend for anyone who is there. Unlike usual today UNS area looks very quiet either because of cloudy or maybe the residents of the campus again malls to visit a place that can make them pinter or even they are busy looking for entertainment and for a while ignoring the lecturer–dosen who they have paid dearly for pleasure while I do not know but for sure I am here with one purpose, I have to meet him.

His name is Anggi a student majoring in Communication semester one who has just finished ospek (diplonco hehehe ), he, I do not know whether the ospek has become an obligation on the grounds of the introduction of the campus and surrounding environment or just a revenge event for the seniors (upper semester students) or the worst so the event find a girlfriend for the seniors. We go back to Anggi, she was my ex-boyfriend a year ago. Our relationship can be said It was so beautiful as if the world belonged to just the two of us (the others contracted hehehe) and it was the most beautiful moment of my life after all this time I was looking for peace for my heart, he came to give me hope and was willing to offer his heart for me to have. Until one day I felt an awkwardness in our relationship. She cheated on me when she was in High School.

I have promised my heart that I should be sick and suffer because I love someone too much but if it turns out that he cheated no matter what happens I have to stay with him and that's what happens in the New Year 2009 yesterday. Ironically, at that time, most of the people who were dating spent time together with their partners, I even broke up my boyfriend But what has happened let it happen again no one will be able to turn the time, all has been arranged ma the Almighty.

I waited for an hour in front of the campus and did not look too good in front of me finally I decided to ask the girl who was sitting in the Gazebo next to the campus.

“maaf disturb bertar Mbak I can ask–kanya ga?” ask me while giving a sympathetic smile to the girl

“by Mas please..” replied the girl by returning my friendly smile earlier.

“Mbak student of this faculty yes?” ask me again still with a friendly smile on my lips

“ya mas can I help?” answerable

“semester how much mbak, I'm looking for my friend happens to be her son here semester one?” ask me again

“coincidentally I am also semester one mas whose name is?” ask him curiously

“Log Mbak” replied me in a slightly serious tone

“if you can know Anggi siapane mas, soale from this morning there have been 3 people who asked where he was, he said, he has 2 days did not appear and earlier 2 of them who are looking is his family” replied the girl with curiosity getting higher.

“i'm her best friend Ma'am, so she never came in?… waduh Mbak knows deket ma no him?” ask me curious

“deket very Mas and I also again confused nyari him, terakir met him at pick up a cowoke truck home but said kurigane until today he has not come home, but he did not come home, Hpne also ga active” replied him with a confused face

“eh..eh... lah trus nendi cah iki, Mbak already contact cowoke?” ask me with my increasingly curious atiku

“already mas but he also did not know katane he was already berganterin anggi at his home but until now no one knows the existence of anggi where” replied him with a worried tone

“Mbak know where cowoke” house is

“Tau mas but the fitting I do not know, the back area of Solo Grand Mall Imamane. Mas want to nyari Anggi yes I can join ga?” answer him with curiosity

“doesn't you want to come? I'm sure to find him Mbak if the situation is like this honestly I'm surprised Ma'am, I'd like to meet him there is something I want to convey to him” I replied with half emotion

“Y mas, uh if you can know whose name mas?” tannya

“Andi, if Ma'am who?” answer me

“aku Mia , Andi? sragen's son huh?” ask him curiously

“ya kok tau?” ask me curious

“List a lot about mas first, mas ex guy anggi to?” ask mia

“ya so dehe” replied me with a little relief because anggi still want me

“ehm we'll start now just Mas use my motor, mas here ride what?” ask mia

“incidentally I took the Mbak” bus I replied

“do not call Mbak hehehe call aja Mia or mi aja, we leave now” the answer is straightforward

“Ok mi” replied me with passion

The atmosphere of Solo this afternoon is getting darker, as dark as my heart today is haunted by curiosity to find out where Anggi is now. Behind me I saw Mia blankly and filled with questions about where and how her best friend was.

“we have nyampe Mas?” mia said

“ok I did not ask first ma the father who sells in the stall yes, eh namane who was?” much

“imam mas calle babe nek dihome” mia replied

Without answering I went straight to the small shop in the corner of the alley of this village. After I asked and I also got the answer Imam's house was right in front of the stall.

“Mi this house please you who tapin ya aboute who knows you” tell me to mia

“ok mas quiet ja...” replied mia

Me and mia walked slowly to the blue and unfenced house at a glance to see how neat the house in front of which there are various pots of ornamental plants (so my inget hehe ) although small but the owner of the house can not lie that this is the most luxurious house in this village, very European form.

Mia pressed the bell to the right of the door of this luxurious house and heard the sound of the door leaf opening then appeared a handsome young man, tall and white. That's the Imam, wow Anggi pinter also choose my successor is very different from me everything tree. Mia recognized me to the Imam and the Imam was surprised when he knew who I was and suddenly he sent his hand to me but I managed to avoid it.

“hey, what's going on?” yell at me

“bastard kowe su! Anggi mbok apakes? Gara2 kowe I'm accused wong tuwone nab anggi!” priestly snapping

“aku ra reti opo2 yo. I mrene ki even want to reti enek opo ki kok anggi stop by!” Answer me with a hard word

“rasah nyelak kowe to seng marai anggi? bar smsan karo kowe dekne changed, I ra reti opo2 in seneni. rasah selak su!” the priest replied with emotion

“ok me mang sms dekne but only news at all I discussed macem2 until ngakon dekne stopped by, I swear!” my jawbku defended himself

Trus Mia cut our quarrel

“wes mas, all can be discussed apik2..” cut it.

Finally we agreed to discuss this matter with a cold head, and finally I know that 3 days ago I smsan ma anggi and after that dy disappeared. I tried to recall everything I wrote in the text yesterday, and I found something I was looking for…

“sori Ta (i used to call anggi with ‘ Ta ‘ namane Anggita ) I just texted you want to know your news and you don't need to be angry, I miss you so much and I know we're not like we used to be but most of all I want us to be able to deket again and no problem that stuck in each of us2” that's my last text ma anggi 3 days ago.

Bright Point

At night in Solo, a cold atmosphere infiltrated every pore–pori of my body and I ignited a r*kok filter and I sucked while leaning my body into the wall where the cost of Mia. and slowly heard from the computer mia “hari with him” sheila on 7 seemed very fitting this atiku, Mia told me to temporarily stay at the cost until we could all find out where the anggi is.

“coffee mas?” mia's voice surprised me

“oh thanks y mi so bothered ni”, I answered no good ati

“gpp mas casual ae. pie mas? still do not know the reason why go why?” ask mia

“not yet mi, I am confused ki kog iso y whereas smsku yes ga strange2i ya reasonable to nek former karo cew zinc karo ever existed in his heart?” answer me

“ya natural mas yoes mending you rest first but not ready to slimut ma pillow. Pokoke tomorrow nek asked temen2ku mas my brother from the village is ok?” unambiguously

“ready mi, thank you very much y mi” replied me with a small smile

“same 2 mas, anyway we have to find anggi as soon as possible.” replied mia

“oke mi” reply

And the night seemed to slow down, I still could not close my eyes did not feel half a pack of r*kok not suck tonight and I still do not know the answer.

The morning came and the cold still covered my body, I slowly opened my eyes and was surprised by the mia who was changing clothes next to me. I'm trying to cover up let him think I don't see what he's doing.

“sante wae mas hehehe” he looked at me with a smile

My face is flushed and not very good ati especially fitting change clothes she did not wear apa2 so from her bra to complete clothes I saw it with tel*njang eyes..

But my mind is still healthy so I try to calm myself down and throw away my dirty thoughts to mia I just can't deny the beautiful mia body is very proportional to a girl her age.

“ndang shower sek mas? ben seger mind?”

“wes seger og hehehe”

“naughty tenan we hehehehe” replied mia as if– would know what I was thinking

Sori mi lha you yo marai naughty who told you bug*l in front of me. What a strange girl.

This afternoon is different from yesterday's hot afternoon was very stinging and the sweat continues to pour nonstop, me and mia trace the footsteps of the jaggi before disappearing from the priest's speech yesterday.

According to the priest the last time he met ma anggi, the priest just nganterin in the alley deket his house after that the priest came home.

Me and Mia suddenly become detectives who are doing a missing person case search,

“mi did not try asking the father yes?” ask me to mia while frowning my forehead

Mia nodded slowly and I headed straight for a middle-aged father who was sitting in front of the house right of the alley where the last time he stopped.

“excuse me sir, sorry can I have a minute?” I asked the middle-aged old man

“ya mas can I help?” answer the father kindly

“i want to know if you know this village girl whose name is anggi if she is one of her house painted blue next to this house” asked me with a friendly smile but ati worried

“oh anggi ya ehm know very well mas.. mang da pa ya mas?” he answered with a hint of suspicion on his face

“gini sir, you may have heard if you disappeared 2 days, I happen to be very good, he said, I am here intending to find clarity info of all this because in front of the house this is the last time anggi stop after that he went” I explained to the old man.

And we talked at length about this issue until finally there was a bright spot in this issue.

“hey !!!” gertaku to mia

“ya gosh surprised me mas, how long really chat? Pie got info what mas?” tanyakanya seriously

“many and I know why anggi disappeared now” I replied optimistically

“why mas?” ask him curiously

“tar not clearin that surely we will go out of town but before leaving I have to finish the business of ma imam bentar” explained me to mia

“imam?” ask mia bengong

“ya tar tak critain alluane ma you key?” my answer is firm

Mia nodded slowly.

When he disappeared

“Yank, did you send us trus to, inget Andi yo gara2 he texted earlier?” ask the guy

“don't discuss him again plis! I don't want to hear her name mentioned again in my life !” answer the girl in a high tone

“ok.. ok! why are you to? Angry–anger ga clear!” ask that guy again

The girl did not answer.

Then they stopped at the intersection of an alley in the housing.

“Nggi, what's up? I won't leave you before I know what this is!” ask the guy

“I want to tell you mam, I want to go home to my city 2 days to be honest I want to reflect on the problem I committed to you yesterday” replied anggi

“so that's the problem? why go home to? anyways it has passed. You are now mine and all this time we are good 2 to” replied the priest firmly.

“I already know you will answer so.. yes it already means we broke up!” answer anggi

“hey.. hey kog? you serious?” ask the priest

“I think 3 months is enough to know all your attitude, you can never know me.. never can!” answer anggi firmly

“apa! Means you haven't been able to appreciate me at all after everything I've done for you!” obviously priest

“what have you done for me! whaaat! There is even me you benefit for your college!” answer anggi firmly

And the priest also slapped the face of the girl he loved so much. “plak!”

“ini has ended mam” said anggi bathed in tears

“sori I lied to you yesterday” explained the priest to me and mia

“now where is anggi?” ask me rude

“in kutoarjo he's on the beach and I think mia knows his place” replied the priest

Me and Mia immediately went and left the priest in front of his campus who was holding a sore on his cheek due to my blow earlier. that's for most mam anggi you also have to participate in what she felt yesterday.

And I began this journey with a heart full of questions, how will all this end? will victory be on my side after everything I've done these 2 days? all still no answer…

Unforgetable Sunset

Kutoarjo town at the end of Purworejo Regency. This was my first stop to the city that left many wounds in my heart.

“we turn left and go straight, yes mas” obviously mia to me towards the direction we are heading

“key mi, still far to” my question

“kira2 two kilo mas” mia reply

My heart is beating fast, my mind is troubled I do not believe I dare to take this journey, like a life bet.who to I make anggi now? ga is more than the trash of past memories that just wait for time to be thrown away and forgotten.But atiku can not boong, my fault is only one… I loved her too much until I was blinded from all the bad attitude to my first date.

“we dah nyampe mas” sahut mia surprised me from my daydream earlier

The cold and hot atmosphere mixed into one, and the salty smell characteristic of the beach filled my sense of smell. I trailed the pseudo-anggi trail on this beach with a chaotic heart after hearing the story from the priest yesterday.I have no more in the life of anggi!

And my heartbeat seemed to stop as I stood on the west coast that afternoon and for a moment I lost my way and lost the ability to speak again. A girl was sitting quietly by herself in the crowd of the beach that afternoon, and she came to the girl and when the girl met mia. they hugged me tightly like a friend who had just met after a long time apart.he was the girl I was looking for, I missed, I fought, and a little I hated all this time.

“why did you go ta? You know everyone on your nyariin?” tanya mia while crying happily met her lost best friend yesterday

“my time did not call earlier and they already know I'm here so calm. Kog You can tell I'm here and who are you here for?” ask anggi to mia wonder

“I got info from your neighbor Jono sir and I came here as someone who has loved you sincerely ta, thanks to his sacrifice I finally got to meet you here, I'm here, maybe it's time you two talk. inget ta he really loves you” explained mia to anggi.

“who's mi? Anggi asked seriously while looking to find out who the person meant by mia earlier

And mia also did not answer continue to pass leaving anggi.

(song : olif – about flavors)

My heart is beating harder “I have to be strong!” my inner

I walked slowly while igniting my r*kok filter approaching the girl who had been disturbing my heart.

“Ta..” my handkerchief to anggi

“mas?” answer anggi while surprised and as if you do not believe you can see me again

“ya Ta it's Andi and I already know all why you go” I replied

Anggi lowered her head and I saw her eyes glazed over

“tak feels yes already 2 years he left you. I was so inget first time ninggalin you, I fought to death–matian entertain you but sometimes I still get affected Just the difference ga until you break up hehe” explained me while sucking r*kok

Anggi still lowered his head without a word said from his tiny lips.

“I know ta maybe I was wrong after you got here but what I said yesterday was very torturing me, I'm confused I don't know what to do when I know you're missing, I know, all I have in mind is I just want to meet you and apologize” obviously I to anggi

“apologies for what? I'm the wrong” answered anggi while looking at my face. I saw tears flowing down his face

“from the past I have never loved you, when we date I am not entirely yours, I am more prime than you, until now my heart belongs only to him. when he died I really wanted to forget you but did not ponder because I really need you to calm me down until one day I have a strong alesan to stay with you. Just haven't had time to break up you have already cut me first” said anggi to me

What I was afraid of happened also turned out to be all my assumptions were right, I never loved anggi

“I know now and I realize I was wrong and I did not know you but I have to be honest let you know that I am not good for you!” clearly anggi again

“ok Ta I know and you do not need to explain in more detail” replied me and breathe air in a really

“I will not max atiku for you and all this time did I look at you maksa to? Naw, right? all this time I've known that I have no apa2 artine for you, I know very well but atiku can't boong klo I'm in love ma you trus that I asked really only 1 ta… I want to deket ma you let me feel deket ma the girl I love and will not demand what 2 of you Just that tok !” belive

Between the roar of the beach waves and the beautiful sunset that afternoon we were both just sitting quietly silent without a word coming out of our lips. whether there is a regret about what I did all this time or from his heart for hurting me all this time, I don't know…

Tonight at the station was very crowded, but I did not feel it at all as if I just found myself alone accompanied by my filter r*kok sat on the bench of this station waiting room. with a heavy heart I try to move my feet on the floor of this station to the train car that will take me home to my city. I tried to forget everything I have done these 2 days here but I think it's impossible because maybe I won't be able to forget this incident for the rest of my life. At first glance I think back to the incident this afternoon at sunset on the beach.

“it's time for me to go home Ta, I already got the answer I was looking for during these 2 years” explained me to anggi

“maafin me mas, I did not finish thinking why I am so evil ma guy who has been sincerely in love ma I” replied anggi with tears

I looked at the sunset again and my mind was blank and could not discern beauty anymore.

I tried to lift my body even though it was heavy for me and my kulut r*kokku again, I sucked slowly merselakan nicotine sensation in this r*kok.

“ati–ati yes mas I am sure you will definitely get the best later” said anggi

I turned to anggi and I took off while giving a small smile to him and I looked at the sunset again then I looked anggi for the last time, his teary eyes looked at the sunset and did not look at me at all.

“you're looking here huh? I want to go home mi” pesenku to mia

“not anter get to mas station? plis?” pinta mia to me as if– feels guilty

“okelah mi” replied me while giving her a small smile to relieve her heart

My heart was smashed by a big rock and threw me in every direction, I lost this game.

“maafin I mas, I can't help a lot make anggi back to you even though mas already totally help me find anggi, I feel guilty so much” mia said as if regretting that has happened

“alah ga papa, love that sacrifice mi not all that we dream of is realized, I also did not turn out this anggi koq was his choice, and so on, the best maybe I'm just a good memory for him the worst yes I'm just a wind and then and dumped rich garbage that, but I'm sure anggi dah know my position… so the best or vice versa I believe he can choose koq” explained me to mia

“you are a very good person mas, I hope you can be better than anggi” mia said

“ya have I said yes? keep anggi baik–baik ya! may we meet again someday honestly you are also a good girl” reply me to mia

Then I walked towards the station without looking back, I knew it was time for me to look forward because life would never go backwards…

(song : Andra the Backbone – good-bye past)

Epiloques

The train stopped in a small town at the eastern end of central Java. Sragen, the city where I was born…

I set my foot down from this car and kulut r*kok filter again either already exhausted how many rods I do not know for sure r*this is a witness to everything that happened yesterday and has been a good friend for me for 2 years.

“hey!” someone called me and to me the voice of that person was no stranger to me

“koq ndadak mbok pick up to ndes? kowe working page?” ask that guy

“ora og wes quiet ae, pie progression?” ask the guy

“critane longhua” reply

Then we walked to the bike park to pick up the bike and headed home.

That person namane Nug, my best friend and I can't explain the details that I'm so happy to have.

(song: radiohead: fake plastic trees)

It did not feel that three rods r*kok had fallen to the ground, accompanied by sunset I still did not move from where I stood.

With a soft word I said “God...I'm sorry I”.

“I don't know what to do, I can't get her out of my heart forever”

There was a sound of a vespa motor behind me oh it was my nug

“pie ndes? ikhlaske ae” says nug

“angel ndes..” replied.

Staring at this sunset again is just different from the place yesterday…

“eh yo we rolled chick tumpakane mio red pack bag item child, want neng cafe kabe kote kanko trus kanko bengi tak kon nemoni neng omah”

“oh yes? jenenge sopo” reply me with a smile

“ora ngaku but jare dekne we reti” nug reply

Then we chat while muter–muter use vespa butut left by his grandfather nug, in my mind I know who exactly the girl who came in the cafe nug it he.he.