The Hurt

Goodbye to my Love

Hmmm.. Somehow the feeling I feel at this moment. Whether this is a form of regret that is very deep or whether this is just a strand of the past that makes me sometimes go crazy thinking about it. This story started twenty years ago, when I was just entering junior high school. On the first day of school when I entered the classroom my eyes were on a girl who was sitting sweetly on the bench of the number two row from the front. I was immediately stunned to see the girl with such a sweet face. After all the students in my class introduced themselves, then I found out if the girl was named Sinna. Could this be monkey love or whatever love, I immediately fell in love with Sinna.

Sinna is a very cute girl, my classmates really like to play with her even many students who are different classes with us are also close to Sinna. He is friendly with everyone. My heart must beat fast if he starts smiling at me, I must always be wrong to talk to him. I can't express my feelings for her, even if I'm embarrassed to be around her. I'm just a teenager, I don't know how to approach a woman. At that time I could only look at him when he was laughing and playing with friends in class. And it's Ochi, our classmate's daughter too, with whom I like to confide in Sinna about my feelings. Sometimes Ochi would encourage me so that I could and would not be ashamed to be near Sinna.

I remember, one day Geography Teacher gave us a group assignment, and I don't know what miracle happened that suddenly I was paired with Sinna as a partner. I swore I could not sleep when night fell, and that day Sinna took me to the bookstore to look for paper materials commissioned by our teacher.

Many times I called Ochi just asking for advice on what I should do later if I go alone with Sinna. Patiently Ochi taught me how to approach a woman. I felt a sense of comfort nearby as we went both ways. That day I made the most beautiful moment of my life. Sinna told me so many funny things that could make me laugh out loud, he laughed so sweetly in front of my eyes. Oh my God if I could extend that day, I could only admire it in this heart. After returning from the bookstore Sinna asked me to go home, hmmm it turns out that her home is not so far from school and my home. We both did our jobs until nightfall.

Just as I was about to approach her, I suddenly saw Sinna get a letter from my upperclassman. Relieved when Ochi told me that Sinna refused to date my upperclassman named Novit. Novit continued to pursue Sinna, I was afraid to approach Sinna again because Novit was the most handsome student and loved by many girls at that time. I think Novit who is as handsome as that is rejected by Sinna let alone I am a quiet guy who looks mediocre. From then on I could only hold my feelings for her.

When I got into class with a heavy heart I dropped out of my school, because I had to move in with my parents who were sent abroad. Mama and Papa made a farewell party with my classmates at home. I smiled happily when I saw Sinna coming home. Sinna gave me a small gift. I got a keychain in the shape of Superman, my favorite superhero.

“Kendy... kok loe suddenly just want to move out of the country, have not felt at home living in Jakarta? Hmm... no friends are fun to be invited to the cafeteria again dong” Tanya Sinna spoiled me with a smile.

“The desire is not to move Na, but I was assigned to Malaysia for two years, hmmm, have to follow the parents where they go” I replied while looking at Sinna.

Sinna laughed at my grunts, then he patted me on the shoulder.

“Ayo... we foto” invite Sinna who makes me surprised to hear it.

“A... what, hmmm we photo both?” many doubt.

“Daddy... loe don't mind kan” replied Sinna with a smile.

I smiled while shaking my head.

“Later if you miss me, look at this photo aj” joked Sinna while laughing at my taunting.

Well, that photo is what makes my mind medicine when I miss it. Before I left, I had a chance to meet Ochi and tell him. “Jagain Sinna ya Chi?” Please ask Ochi. Ochi smiled then he nodded his head. During my time in Malaysia, I often wrote to Ochi just to ask about Sinna's situation at school. Ochi always told him a lot about Sinna, sometimes he wrote many letters that he sent. I always smile and imagine Sinna reading it. “Sinna more sweet you know Ken, yesterday he abis called BP teacher because it was found out he made a scene teachers in school. You know, Si Sinna is really ignorant when the helmet has a teacher in the tuker-tuker place with him, he said, so the teachers want to go home they are shocked because the helmet on the bike is not a helmet has him, keep them on nyariin helmet on tertuker gitu”. Hahahahahaha.I laughed reading Ochi's letter. Oh my God, I missed him even more at that time. One day I tried to call her, I chatted with Sinna. As usual, Sinna told me a lot about herself. This longing was slightly healed for a moment because of hearing his voice. But what power, my time was very limited to call him because of the very expensive phone cost at that time.

Two years have passed, relieved that I can return to my beloved country, moreover I can be close to my beloved woman Sinna. I went into a different SMU with Sinna. I don't know what's happened, ever since I went to school I've had a non-wearing experience. By the time I was caught in the wrong relationship, I was entangled as a drug addict with my friends. My life has become abnormal, I have become a slave to those deadly drugs. One day I came to the house of Sinna drunk. Sinna met me with a cold face, not like the Sinna I used to know. Maybe he knows that I am now a delinquent child who is almost every day helpless because of the influence of the drugs I consume. From that moment on I became ashamed of Sinna, I did not dare to meet and contact her again.

I can't forget Sinna, she was my first love. Either I have to make an effort especially to get the courage to express this feeling. Almost every day after school, I quietly waited for Sinna at the crossroads to his house. He always got off the lot after school there. Seeing his presence from far away I was very happy. I want this self to approach him, but unfortunately at the same time this body is still dominated by illegal drugs.

“Loe must be healed Ken, if you want to get close to Sinna. She's not a cute girl” Ochi said as she looked at me.

“Gue can't forget him Chi, I also want to heal? I cape like this keep”, I replied.

“Loe must be treated, you must recover and try to get out of the illegal drugs for the sake of Sinna if you really love him explained Ochi”.

I was silent and pensive for a moment hearing Ochi's words. Two days later Mama and Papa took me to seek treatment to remove the remnants of the poison that was in the body and this dependence to be free from the vicious circle. I'm excited to heal, this is all I'm doing for my future and for my love for Sinna of course. All the trials and temptations I managed to pass, after one year I underwent therapy I was finally declared cured by the Doctor.

In 1998 I went to college. Many beautiful women who passed by in my campus. But my feelings have not changed, there is still the name of Sinna in my heart. I haven't dated until now. Ochi called me the most loyal and stupidest man in the world. I admit, I am the most stupid guy in the world, because I can't come close and express my feelings to a woman I've admired for years. Sometimes I think Sinna has a boyfriend. But that thought has been defeated by the faithful word I have. Hmmm how stupid I am, love has blinded my eyes and this feeling.

Once, Ochi and I walked in front of Sinna's house. It was right on my birthday, driving in the car I took Ochi to go to Sinna's house. But once there I did not dare to get out of the car and meet him. Ochi looked at me with a feeling of anxiety.

“Down not loe from the car? keep fast loe meet Sinna?” tell Ochi.

“Aduhhh... I am ashamed Chi, I have long since not met him” replied me.

“We are rich people stress tau, pacing directly in front of Sinna's house. Later we can be suspected if people continue to keep this” grumbled Ochi.

I took a deep breath, then with a heavy heart I decided to return home on the grounds that I was not ready to meet with Sinna since the incident I came to her house at that time. Seeing my decision Ochi was so angry, he constantly grumbled at this self-abuse.

“Loe really cemen so guy Ken, I cape ngeliat loe like this continue? Already if you do not dare to meet Sinna again, you look for another girl..” Said Ochi annoyed.

“Kok loe by the way Chi” tanyaku.

“Yaaa abis loe coward really, do not let one day loe nyesel Ken, already.... aahhh I do not want to help you loe again? Cape I will be” replied Ochi who still looks annoyed.

I bowed regretfully, while driving this car I drove Ochi home. From that moment on I decided to forget about Sinna, I tried to open my heart to another woman I would at least meet.

The days kept changing, a few years ago after I graduated college and got a job and a well-established life. I married a woman named Dita, she's a very nice woman and has given me two cute kids. But sometimes this heart can not be lied to, on the sidelines of busyness I still like to imagine Sinna's face, thinking about what she is now like? is he married like me? hmmm, does he live in his parents' house. I would love to meet Sinna even if only briefly with the situation of the two of us that has also changed.

And today I was surprised by the arrival of Ochi who suddenly entered my office space.

With my heart beating so fast I took Ochi's cell phone and looked at Sinna's photo. God, she was so sweet, as if my heart melted back when I saw her face. I remember my past in school with him.

“Sinna just got married two months ago” Ochi said with a smile.

“Du... two months ago” muchu shaking.

“Already... Ken, everything is over” Ochi explained.

“Yeah..” My answer is short.

“Yesterday I had so many stories about how you felt with him first” said Ochi.

“APA..?” shouts surprised.

“Iyah... I know how loe Ken feels, I'm sure until now sometimes you still think of Sinna, right?” Ochi clear.

“Sinna... comments apa” more doubt.

“Sinna was surprised when I told her about how she felt. Actually Sinna also has the same feeling rich loe, but you alone do not dare to approach him? You already have a life partner. Think of that as monkey” love, Ochi explained with a laugh.

I smiled lethargicly hearing it, too Ochi said now we both already have a partner each. Hopefully I can let Sinna go.

“Saturday tomorrow I want to meet Sinna. Are you coming with Ken? Sinna wants to meet loe tuh” said Ochi.

I nodded my head in agreement. What should I do when faced with him, I ask in my heart. I swear I hope Saturday will come soon. I wanted to see and see his face after all these years of not seeing him.

And now I looked at Sinna who was walking towards me and Ochi. He smiled sweetly at me, this self trembled and this heart suddenly beat very fast when it looked at him that afternoon. His smile did not change, my memory flew back when I first saw his face at school.

Kenndyyyy. cried Sinna while laughing and waving his hand. Then he hugged me tightly. This body was as if it was helplessly stiff inside his embrace.

“Hai.. It has been a long time since we met, I miss the same loe tau babble Sinna while smiling”.

“What's up.. Na, my question while looking at him”.

“Good...loe where the hell, just disappeared and no news? Ask Sinna”.

“There is...I replied while laughing”.

“Haalllooo... hi... duh why am I called here? Shouted Ochi while frowning”.

Sinna hugged Ochi who was frowning because he felt in the cuekin by me and Sinna.

“Ochi.... Duh loe also disappeared as rich as kendy? tau nah.. I had nyariin loe two before I married said Sinna while taking a deep breath”.

Again I could only smile seeing and hearing the utter babble of Sinna that had not changed at all from the past. He is still a sweet and sweet child even though he is married. The three of us had a long chat throughout this afternoon until we finally said goodbye to go home because it was already night. I drove Sinna to her car. Sinna then looked at me sharply.

“I'm sorry Ken, I kicked you out of the house at that time. Hmm it's because I'm afraid of being caught by my parents, if you're drunk” said Sinna slowly.

“Nothing Na, it is indeed my wrong” I replied with a smile.

“Gue go home first, sometime we can meet again okay? I want to know you and my husband” said Sinna while laughing.

I nodded my head with a smile.

“Na... hmm, gu... I can bend loe once again no?” I asked while looking at him.

This time it was Sinna who nodded her head with a smile. I hugged Sinna maybe this is the last time. There was a deep feeling of regret in this heart. If only I had dared to express my feelings to her, I don't know what happened today. God, what happened to my feelings.

Not long after, the red sedan that Sinna was driving slowly left me. I set foot back to my car after Sinna left. Ochi stared intently at me who was waiting in the car, then hugged me tightly.

“Forget Sinna Ken, this is all over Ochi lirih” said.

I nodded my head, I realized that my tears were pouring down my cheeks, this chest was very tight and I was crying sobbing in front of Ochi. I felt a deep loss. After driving Ochi home, I drove my car around the city by myself. And right in the middle of the night I was standing by the beach, I promised myself to forget Sinna forever. A woman I admire greatly, a woman who is always cheerful and makes me feel comfortable near her, a woman who has encouraged me to recover from drug entanglements. I looked at the keychain bearing the superman emblem in my hand once more, and I threw it all the way out to sea. Goodbye my sweet first love, may you be happy with your partner now. I will always pray for your happiness, before long I go home to reunite with my beloved wife and children.