The Hurt

Sweet Sheet The Diary

"Dear diary,

Radian, how long should I endure this feeling? I've harbored this feeling for a long time. I want to get close to you, I want to. But I'm afraid of diary, I'm afraid that he's not as good as I thought he was, I'm afraid he hates me. I'm just a cute girl, big glasses, nerd, and aloof. There's no way a guy like Radian could love me. Me...”

There was a loud noise blowing my concentration. Immediately I closed my diary and stood firm. A handsome man stood in front of the door and said “Ngapain your deck here?”. My body sagged for a moment, I could not believe that a man who had always filled my diary page was talking to me.

“Ehm.. again. again cleanin warehouse brother, I was late in class” I replied with hesitation

“Ohh.. must be an order from Mr Edi huh? Hmm, I was also surprised that teacher, really like to see his students are miserable, who told clean the warehouse, clean the bathroom. Hoe? If the students who clean up keep the school gardener cool dong” grumbled Radian while laughing widely. But I just smiled shyly to see the man I love talking at will.

“Oh yes, that's what you brought?” Radian pointed to the book I'm carrying. Immediately I secured the diary I had brought.

“Ehm.. is nothing, this is just a collection of short stories made by me, Radian”, I replied briefly.

“Oh yes? Do you know my name? Whose name? Can I see your short story? If there is a good one can be contributed to the annual magazine of our school” explained Radian

“Ehm.. ya know kak, it will have a name bet in the uniform kakir” reply me while pointing to the uniform bet he wore. “Ohh yes may be sister, but tomorrow only brother I bring my collection more complete, Oh yes my name is Mitha kak”

“Iya deh adek Mitha” replied radian while throwing a smile at me”

That smile was like a boomerang to me, attacking me so I was helpless. I unceasingly glanced at Radian who was cleaning up the warehouse. To me, just seeing her smile makes my heart cool. It feels like I want to linger in this barn even though this room is dirty, narrow, and smelly, as long as with Radian everything becomes comfortable.

I was smiling incessantly, and I did not forget that I would tell my true friend the diary, even though this diary is an inanimate object, this diary as if talking to me, can calm me even if it is not real.

“Dear diary, I'm so happy today. Today was like a rain in a long drought, I couldn't believe Radian the man I loved, he spoke to me, he wanted to see my work. He doesn't hate me, he cares about me. Will there be a chance for me to be special in her heart? I want it a diary. I've harbored this feeling” for too long

I closed my beloved diary, not forgetting I will bring my short story collection book as desired by Radian. I got up from my study table, laid back on my bed and fell asleep in a beautiful dream

“Alright, just get here our material. The next meeting will be continued at the next meeting. Good afternoon all” Sir. Edi, a hobbyist teacher, had his student replace the gardener's job, ending his meeting. I breathe a sigh of relief. I walked out down the magnificent-looking school corridor.

“Heii Mitha's.. Mitha” the voice of a man stopped my steps, I turned to look for the source of the voice. Not wrong, it was Radian.

“Mitha, how's the short story? Have you brought it?” radian's breath was wheezing from running towards me.

“Oh yes brother, I take” I replied briefly.

“Oh yes already, then we have lunch while looking at your short story ya”. Without even having a chance to answer, Radian pulled my hand and led me to the parking lot to pick up his vehicle. I was just stunned to see the attitude of Radian who cared so much for me. The Radian treatment gave me considerable hope

“Ayo mitha, we jalan” sound Radian disperse my daydream, immediately I boarded the motorbike he was carrying and headed to the cafe headed by Radian.

“Ohh, so this is your short story collection? Very good, said majas and figuratively fit. May I pinch kan” Radian said as I flipped through the pages of the book I was carrying

“Iya can kok kak” I said with a clean slit.

“I have no show kok sak, yes I temenin”. I wanted to scream out loud to vent the happiness I felt. I didn't expect to be close to Radian so soon. I just threw a smile at Radian who was reading my short story.

As usual, I will tell my friend

“Dear diary, I am very happy today. Radian who I thought only wanted to look at my work short story turned out he really liked, even my book carried. I had lunch, to the bookstore, even I helped Radian do his job, well even though I was only a little help diary. I believed more and more that I could occupy the empty space in his heart. I believe I can, with his attention, with his caring make the hope that once perished become as broken as my heart today which is again in love”

“Mitha, me again yuk? Kayak yesterday” took Radian while carrying the school bag he carried. I just nodded and gave a smile a sign of approval. Today is different from yesterday, yesterday I just helped Radian do his job. But today, he invited me to have fun. Radian took me to the movies, to the city, or to the park just to see the kids playing around. I feel like I want to quickly meet my diary, want to tell you about today.

It was getting late, Radian waiting for me to come home around 7 p.m. I didn't feel like I was going through my days with Radian.

“Tomorrow on Sunday night, I'll pick you up? We'll have dinner tomorrow night. I have a surprise for you” with Radian

I can't believe what Radian said. If Radian declares love to me tomorrow, that time is too short. But I don't want to deny the truth, I always wanted to be with him and be close to him.

“Hallo? Mitha's? How to daydream?” again Radian tried to break my daydream

“Iya brother, I can kok” I also replied with hesitation.

Radian got on his bike and left me. I had some doubts about what Radian said. What do the words “I have a surprise for you”. Could it be that what I wanted all this time would become real? I don't care how stupid I look, the most important thing is that I can be a special woman in Radian's eyes.

Tonight this week, I prepared myself, dressing up as beautifully as possible for the day I expected to be special. The roar of the Radian motorbike called out to me, I grabbed my bag and immediately came out to Radian who was ready to wait in front. We headed to Elegant Restourant for dinner this year.

“actually want to give you a surprise what the hell tonight?” I asked innocently.

“Question yes? Later you will know Kok Mitha” replied Radian.

As I grew more and more insecure, curious about what Radian's surprise was, I began to believe that Radian would declare his love for me tonight. Suddenly there was a beautiful girl, dressed in a luxurious dress, almost perfect no one was handicapped in the slightest of her physique. Surprisingly, the girl approached Radian.

“Oh yes Mitha, introduce this my girlfriend, her name is Febrisa? Beautiful right?” Radian stood up straight while introducing his girlfriend to me.

Suddenly my heart was like a high-voltage electric shock. Turns out this was the surprise that Radian was talking about, only to introduce me to his beautiful girlfriend? It turns out that my estimate was wrong. Radian has never been attracted to a girl like me, I'm just a little girl, nerdy, and not pretty! Radian has a girlfriend!

“My name is Febrisa, you must be Mitha huh? Radian often tells you about you. He said you were a great writer, you were kind, not arrogant, calm anymore. It is not wrong if Radian thinks you are his own sister” Febrisa told me while throwing a sweet smile at me that actually the smile even cut my heart.

“Iya right, my name is Mitha” with a heavy heart I replied and shook hands with Febrisa.

“Excuse me, I'm going to toilet” I'll leave them immediately, my tears spilled incontrovertibly. I could not bear the weight of the heart I felt. I was wrong to expect too much from a man who never loved me, even just thought of me as a sister! I opened my diary, shedding the heart of the pain I felt. My tears drenched every page of the diary I wrote. I can't force Radian to love me, he's got someone who really loves him.

“I'm sincere diary, I sincerely she is with others, as long as she keeps a happy smile. I know that love cannot be forced. I'll try to let it go.”